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'Modern Family': Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?

January 14, 2010 |  9:22 am

Modern_family_dog

Porn and a dog butler? Sign me up.

Going into last night’s “Modern Family,” hot, wet tears of laughter were already streaming down my face. I had DVR’ed the show and decided because “American Idol” was only an hour and a half, I’d watch "Modern" at 9:30 and then head into “Ugly Betty” -- this Show Tracker knows how to juggle his shows!

I’m glad I made the decision. In the last minutes of “Idol,” I saw what’s safe to say was the funniest audition ever, and because I was already doubled over in hysterical fits of laughter, the antics of the families were amplified -- I know some people just turn to pot to get those effects. This works too.

The plot was simple: Claire finds a smutty picture on her laptop (a big-breasted bimbo is riding a tractor!) and assumes it’s Luke’s doing, when all along it's Phil. Gloria and Jay have a fight over his beloved -- but strangely spooky -- life-sized dog butler statue, and Cameron and Mitchell fight over Cam’s constant need to sympathize with strangers.

Last week, I came down pretty hard on the show. I ranted:

What I, and hopefully most viewers, love most about the show is the family dynamic, which was sadly absent last night. It’s always a bit of a drag watching the episodes in which they aren’t interacting or the main plot doesn’t weave through everyone.

Although the episode wasn't heavy on intertwining all of the family, what I loved most about last night's episode was that it -- in its own special, awkwardly cute way -- highlighted issues that most, well, modern families experienced.

The porn gag was a way to fit in that typical “birds-and-bees” talk that every family sitcom has to feature. But of course the talk was led by Phil, who can't even order a pizza in the beginning of the episode without sounding like an awkward flirt. Favorite part of the conversation: Luke asking if the topless woman was hot and Phil giving an honest answer, before realizing Luke meant the weather. If only my talk with the parents had been this hilarious.

Initially, I thought the dog-butler subplot was just plain silly once Gloria’s interactions with it (sorry Jay, it -- not him) were over, but then it found a way to be funny yet again when Jay pawned it off to Mitchell and Cam -- whose voice-over as the dog made me hit pause so I could get my laughs out. On a side note, there was a fantastic scene with Jay and Mitchell (who rarely interact) where they both whine over their relationships, before realizing how good they both have it.

As hard as I am on this show, it’s out of love. It’s cemented its place in my heart, which is still reeling over the loss of “Arrested Development” -- I know it’s been years, but it’s still emotional.

I talk often about the one-liners that are always comedy gold. I think it’s only right I start sharing my favorites.

Luke [on diaries, not breasts]: Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?

Gloria [on the dog statue]: This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.

Mitchell [on the gardener]: He's like Batman but straight.

Phil: That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Alex: A lot of parents are hitting again.

Feel free to share yours below. This could become a weekly dialogue.

-- Gerrick D. Kennedy (Follow me on Twitter @GerrickKennedy).

Photo: Not everyone loves dogs. Credit: ABC

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Complete coverage of 'Modern Family' on Show Tracker

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