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'The Hills': Kristin wins with Jayde, loses with Brody

090826_MPTurin_TheHills_0818 Is there anyone out there who's not scared of Kristin Cavallari? The girl may be a pint-sized blond, but frankly, she's terrifying.

"There's no way you could win a fight with her," my girlfriends and I agreed while watching this week's episode. And I'm really not sure there is. Kristin has this intimidation factor and way of belittling people that's utterly frightening. She's not afraid to go for the jugular, tackling the issues she knows will most deeply hurt someone.

That's why it was baffling to me that Jayde even invited Kristin to meet with her. What could she think it would accomplish -- other than having her already incredibly low sense of self-worth further depleted by Kristin? 

From the instant Kristin walked into the restaurant, she was ready to do battle. Jayde sat awaiting her at the table with jet-black hair and pale skin that made her resemble Elvira. Why is this chick constantly wearing chokers? Ew.

"What's going on?" Kristin began, making it clear she found the entire situation a waste of her time. Jayde stumbled, trying to articulate why she wanted to meet with Kristin -- to figure out what was going on, she explained. 

Kristin immediately began tossing out zingers.

"If [Brody] was happy with you, then I would be happy for you -- but I just don't see that," she shrugged.

"You don't think that in the entire city of Hollywood, you could find another guy other than Justin and Brody?" Jayde countered. "You need to go back to wherever it is you came from."

Um ... Laguna Beach?

"You are such a [expletive], like, I just have to tell you," Kristin said, shaking her head as if her words held the utmost authority and then storming out, leaving Jayde looking dazed. Though Kristin completely schooled Jayde, it was clear she'd have a more difficult time swaying Brody. 

And -- shocker -- only a day later, Brody told Kristin he'd gotten back together with the Playmate with odd eyebrows. 

Kristin seemed legitimately angry and kind of crushed that she wasn't able to lure Brody away from Jayde.

"Honestly, I do want to work things out with her," he told Kristin, avoiding eye contact with her. "I love the girl and I care a lot about her and I care a lot about you, as a friend."

Ouch. Kristin instantly got defensive, her big eyes on the verge of spilling over with tears. Again, I'm still completely baffled by Brody. Here he has Kristin, this spunky firecracker who's gorgeous and not-so-crazy, and he opts to get back with a totally insane, needy Playmate with a penchant for Jagermeister? Gross.

But if Kristin's ego was bruised, she didn't have to endure heartache for too long. Justin leaves her a voicemail calling her "sweetheart" (gag-worthy or cute?) and saying he's ended things with Audrina. Though the timing seems perfect, it saddens me to see Justin and Kristin together. Kristin clearly just needs the attention and wants a rebound after being rejected by Brody, and Justin is mistakenly believing he's spending time with someone more special than Audrina.

That being said, I can't wait for Justin to trek to Vegas to visit Kristin next week. A little shirtless JB? Sign me up.

I'd like to end this post by pausing for a moment and thanking Jesus for this episode, my family and my outfit.

Wow. I still can't believe that Heidi really paused before her home-cooked meal with Spencer to praise the Lord for that revealing lace nightie (complete with red push-up bra showing) she somehow considered a dress. Spencer thought she looked "did up," but I found the whole get-up a little ridiculous. I get that she was trying to lure Spencer into unprotected sex, but the outfit didn't exactly scream "I'm ready to be a mom!"

Do you think Heidi's plan to get pregnant without Spencer realizing will work? Why does Brody keep going back to crazy Jayde? And are JB and Kristin going to reunite next week -- or will what happens in Vegas stay there? Let's discuss in the comments.

-- Amy Kaufman (follow me on Twitter @AmyKinLA)

Photo: Ex-boyfriend Brody Jenner and quasi-current-boyfriend Justin Bobby fight over Kristin Cavallari. Credit: MTV.

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