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'Melrose Place': Making house calls

November 10, 2009 | 11:34 pm

"I can tell him that the Violet Foster I know is a poor, disinherited orphan and should have the justice system smile upon her or that Violet is a sick and twisted menace to society [who] should be locked up. Your move."

The awesomeness that is Michael Mancini makes an excellent point when he drops in to make a "house call" to out-of-her-league Violet. This girl may be able to get a bartender fired and Auggie into a horizontal embrace, but did she really think she could take on the one, the only Dr. Michael Mancini? Even her "mother" Sydney would be disappointed in this little game of sex tape blackmail in Violet's pathetic attempt to secure a lawyer for charges of running away from the police. It's pretty bad when even Lauren -- the hooker with a heart of gold who even forgives David for breaking and entering -- would rather stay in the prostitution ring than have this red-headed trouble-maker as a roommate.

However, David is suspiciously all about doing good deeds this week. He and his scarf take Michael's favorite son, Noah, to the Santa Monica Pier. I was actually a bit surprised when all that happened was the kid fell and had to be rushed to the ER (where of course Lauren is working that day). It's almost too perfect a way for: 1) David to prove to Lauren that he's a nice, caring guy who likes children and would be a great father if you know, she and he were to get married and have offspring with a propensity for tousled hair and various colors of scrubs, and 2) Lauren to prove to David's dad that she's got game. I was kind of expecting David to kidnap the kid, resulting in an Amber Alert and a car chase down the 10 Freeway. Instead, he just got some nice nanny fired. Hey, if Violet still needs to make some extra cash, that job she interviewed for a few weeks ago is open again.

In relationship land, you'd think that Jonah and Ella's kiss would be enough for him to call off his farce of an engagement to Riley. But no, he just comes home and launches into another speech about trust and honesty. Shouldn't these two know that these are the other's code words for "I made out with someone else"? But at least the lip-lock resulted in a nice scene for Ella to show her softer side and that she actually seems to care for Jonah and wants to be with him, even if it did start out with an indecent proposal. Maybe Jonah didn't say yes to her suggestion to get a room because he thought she was kidding?

And yes, I know that the murder mystery plot is back on this week and Auggie is now the prime suspect in Sydney's murder. But since none of the other residents seem to care that much (except for Riley, who Anna Sages him while he's being written off the show), and the writers don't seem concerned that David's DNA would also be on the knife, I'm not going to get worked up about it either. Can we just wrap these loose story lines up and get to what's really important? Amanda Woodward is back next week!

-- Whitney Friedlander

Photo: Ella has a proposition for Jonah. Credit: Patrick Wymore / The CW