'Dancing With the Stars' results: The finalists revealed
After nearly an hour of hemming and hawing, filler segments and musical performances, Tom and Samantha finally got down to business and revealed the final three couples remaining on “Dancing With the Stars” Season 9. Those left standing on the ballroom floor were somewhat surprising.
Well, Mya and Dmitry Chaplin were a no-brainer – they had the highest scores coming into Tuesday night’s results, and the singer’s been riding high in first class on the groove train straight to Mirrorballville for a couple weeks now. And even though Donny Osmond got tangled in a wardrobe malfunction that had him and partner Kym Johnson tied up in knots and at the bottom of the leader board, his ginormous fan base (which no doubt includes the entire state of Utah) helped pull the likable entertainer through to the final week of the competition as well. No, the slight surprise was that the Princess of Darkness, Kelly Osbourne, and partner Louis Van Amstel nabbed the third finalist position, edging out model Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough.
Maybe it was the crotch dip that turned people off. Or maybe their futuristic paso doble was too ahead of its time. But although Joanna and Derek have consistently performed better and scored higher than most of their counterparts, Joanna's previous stints in jeopardy showed that maybe she didn’t have quite the fan base that Donny and Kelly have. And judging by Derek’s raised eyebrows and resigned smiles on stage while awaiting their fate, it sure looked like he was expecting to be ousted, didn't it? Luckily, he and Joanna were able to go out gracefully and with their heads held high: The couple performed Monday night's waltz as their final bow, a dance that was elegant and lovely and blessedly crotch-dip free.
It’s been a season filled with packed results shows, and this one was no different. Mya and Dmitry had to get their second perfect-30 routine before it was selected for an encore performance, and their sexy salsa didn’t disappoint. Neither did Mya’s “tutti-fruity booty.” Nor did that guy in the audience who's always shown going crazy with tongue out and rock-star hands.
Then there was the recap, in which Kelly Osbourne revealed that she had improvised her whole rumba solo because she had forgotten it. Mya revealed she had a couple wardrobe malfunctions as well (really? when?). And Donny revealed that he wanted to be in the finals so much that he would just about jump in a pool filled with estrogen to get there.
We were treated to a dance performance lip-synced to “Be Italian” from Rob Marshall’s upcoming movie adaptation of the musical “Nine,” in which a bunch of ladies of the night skulked their way around cafe tables, and a man in black had his way with them. Clever that they ended up in a “9” formation, though.
Alicia Keys made her way down the ballroom grand staircase in black leather and blue thigh-high boots (a visual enactment of a bruised heart, perhaps?) and wailed the emotional “Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart,” accompanied by her own professional dancers.
Also with her own professional dancers was Leona Lewis, who belted out her emotional show-stopper “Happy” and one-upped Keys by singing on a platform and having her dancers emerge out of a fog of smoke on the dance floor.
The Bee Gees graced the Rectagon stage, celebrating their 50th(!) anniversary and performing their age-old hit “You Should Be Dancing.” Barry Gibb showed no signs of losing his falsetto, and he and Robin had the whole studio audience up and grooving (though Ozzy looked a little dazed and confused by the whole affair – maybe he doesn’t remember the ’70s). Grooving to the tune on the dance floor were our pros Cheryl Burke, Chelsie Hightower, Tony Dovolani and Artem Chigvintsev (still holding out hope that he'll become a pro regular someday). And then Season 8 finalist Melissa Rycroft also made an appearance, outfitted in the same sparkle disco ball dress as Chelsie and Cheryl. How fitting that her routine with Tony culminated in a “Dirty Dancing”-style lift on the dance floor. Lest you forget, nobody puts Melissa in the corner.
In the pre-taped segments, there was an amusing artsy-fartsy music video in which all four of the contestants acted out the pressures of being in the competition while lip-syncing a version of David Bowie’s “Under Pressure.” Between filming these segments and learning three dances, one wonders how they've had time in their lives for anything else. Donny’s freak-out was the most believable, but I enjoyed seeing Mya hurl a poor, defenseless stuffed animal off some rooftop, Kelly lay waste to a disco ball and Joanna rip the seams of a sequined garment -- and I liked how the video ended with some dance shoes being burned in the foreground. “Apparently pressure doesn’t improve lip-syncing skills," quipped Tom, "but there you go.”
I also liked the segment where the pros talked about how hard it was to come up with their own choreography week in and week out. Sure, it’s not like we learned anything new (news flash: Pros like dancing with other pros because they can really let loose!), but it was fun to see the camaraderie among the pro dancers and witness the priceless exchange between Cheryl and Maks, in which Cheryl, while in hold with Maks, confirmed, “You do stink!” and Maks simply responded, “I know.”
Also stinky was the fact that formidable dancer and competitor Joanna Krupa was let go from the competition, though that’s the way the Mirrorball rolls. So now we’re left with the Entertainer, the Wild Child and the Dance Machine. Who do you think has what it takes to win the “luxurious” Mirrorball trophy?
— Allyssa Lee
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Photos, from top: Derek Hough and Joanna Krupa; Mya and Dmitry Chaplin. Credit: Adam Larkey / ABC