‘Dancing With the Stars’ results: Dance-off double elimination, part deux

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He can finally unclench those butt cheeks and let go of that nickel. After winning over the judges and the audience with his steady improvement and endearing smile, football star Michael Irvin found himself with the lowest combined total number of points, thereby ending his and partner Anna Demidova‘s bid for the “DWTS” title.

And I don’t think anyone can say they were surprised by this exit, despite his increasing scores. The NFL Hall of Famer had been hovering at the bottom of the pack for … well, most of the season. At least the former Dallas Cowboy was able to end on a high note: He showed off a great costuming eye with lots of purple for his kids, played peacemaker in the Team Paso, and Monday night’s fox trot was his best dance yet. And as Michael and Anna discovered they were eliminated midway through the results hour, they were spared the added stress of dealing with another dance-off and having to perform their samba again.

The other couple to go this week was Mark Dacascos and his newly recovered partner, Lacey Schwimmer, after they lost their dance-off with fellow bottom-dwellers Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff. (Man, the voters really must not like Aaron. What is it about this guy that voters can’t pick up the phone for? Despite performing a near-perfect jive the night before, the young, intense Carter found himself simmering under those red heat lamps once again.)

Mark’s exit was a little tougher to take. It seemed as though the “Iron Chef: America” star was more a victim of the unfortunate circumstance (“So much flu — we’re like a spray-tanned Petri dish,” joked Tom) than bad dancing. But though his knockout cha-cha-cha with Lacey was a powerhouse of acrobatics coupled with a little bit of dance (and featured a split leap launched from the judges’ table that looked like it went up into the rafters), his routine was really no match for Aaron and Karina’s superior jive — particularly after coming on the heels of Aaron’s awesome Monday night performance. Hey, at least it allowed Mark to dance one more time with Lacey, right?

It was another jampacked results night, which started with an encore performance of the group dance winning Team Tango. Singer Colbie Caillat strummed her guitar with the flower inlay and performed “Fallin’ for You,” while real-life marrieds Edyta Sliwinska and Alec Mazo did their sweet dance interpretation of castaways falling in love in a sparkly blue lagoon. Edyta even wore a sparkly net outfit and loosed her long, crimped hair to look the part.

Rod Stewart graced the Rectagon stage, looking very dapper in his slick gray suit and black vest and crooned a fun version of “It’s the Same Old Song.” It may have been the same old song, but Rod’s still got it – he had more charisma in his little moves than his backup dancers did alongside him.

We were also treated to the first-ever “DWTS” performance from the Ballas Hough Band. Which, of course, consists of our beloved pro dancers Mark Ballas and Derek Hough. Their single “Move,” from their upcoming album, was an upbeat dance number (that showed off their sharp hip-hop stylings), but it was a little heavy on the techno synth, no? I would have preferred to hear more of their actual singing -- it was hard to distinguish what was really them amid all the vocal effects. Though I was pleased that “watch your body” came up over and over. I mean, that I recognize: It’s like something they would say to their celebrity partners right before breaking out the posture bar.

Then the remaining seven contestants did some kind of fight-club segment, in which they inhabited what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse and ran down the ballroom rules needed to make it into this elite champions’ club. It started with “Rule No. 1: You do not talk about the trophy. Rule No. 2: You do not talk about the trophy” and ended with “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.” There was another segment where the stars confessed their fears of landing in the bottom three, but it lost some of its impact because at that point we already knew which four couples were safe.

And then we ended up at our elimination. Part of me thought it would have been interesting to see the resulting turmoil and drama had Aaron Carter been faced with dancing off against idol, comforter and man-crush Michael Irvin. Alas, it was not meant to be: Aaron faced off against Mark and easily won himself another week. Ostensibly, this marks the end of this season’s double elimination and the dreaded dance-off, and now that all that stage smoke has cleared, there are only five couples left in the quest for the … wait for it … the Mirrorball trophy. Yes, I just totally broke Rules 1 and 2.

Are you sad to see the dance-off go? Did the right contestants go home? Who’s your pick to win it all? What did you think of the Ballas Hough Band?

— Allyssa Lee

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