'The Hills': Brody needs to break up with Jayde, Justin Bobby needs tattoo removal
OK, first things first: Is Justin Bobby for real with that hideous tattoo? Just as I thought "The Hills'" resident bad boy had upgraded his looks by shaving off his dirty beard, he had to go to Kristin's Malibu beach pad and reveal some pretty ugly ink: the word "Italia" sprawled across his stomach in huge script type face.
"I wanna get two more stars on my foot," Kristin said, admiring JB's tat.
Cue Justin's best line of the evening: "What do you think you are, a galaxy?" he tossed off, rolling his eyes. The comment was a glimmer of the Justin Bobby we came to know during the Audrina era, when he openly showed disdain for the vapid, popular crowd he's since befriended. Even though he's dating the prototypical blond bombshell now, it's good to hear him still poke fun at some of Kristin's, er, less brilliant remarks.
But Justin's sarcastic remark was only the beginning of a rough episode for our heroine, who this week was later stood up by JB at Brody's surprise birthday party, where she had a water balloon accidentally tossed at her face pretty aggressively by Frankie.
Her biggest concern after being decked?
"I'm just worried half my hair is gonna get curly now," she complained to friends. Oh, the horror.
Meanwhile, Brody's playmate girlfriend, Jayde, was not having the best time at the shindig -- and by the way, how awesome did that party look with all of those moon bounces? So fun.
But seriously: What is Brody still doing with this chick? Kristin's right, he is whipped: Jayde is constantly jealous (Remember the whole Audrina Cabo fiasco this season?), always seems belligerently drunk at parties, and got into a sketchy fight with Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis this past summer. Sure, I understand there's the allure of her being a Playmate and all, but I'm sure Brody could score a hot girl with less of a penchant for crazy -- say Lauren, or Kristin even!
Even Brody's ridiculously in-shape mom, Linda Thompson, was on "Team Kristin!" Speaking of the former wife of Elvis Presley (for real!), did anyone else think it was awkward that she was hanging at a party with twentysomethings in a skimpy white bikini? Cougar alert.
Surprisingly, Heidi and Spencer have emerged as some of my favorite characters this season. Heidi's status as a newlywed seems to have empowered her with a new sense of confidence that allows her to put Spencer in his place more often. At dinner this week, she made fun of his new accessory -- a cowboy hat made of beaver skin -- and continued to insist she was ready to be a young mother. Spencer bemoaned Heidi's desire to procreate to his friends, threatening to get his tubes tied and saying he didn't understand why his wife didn't want to keep her "tight little body" while she still was still young. Classy.
Conclusion? It seems like the babymaking is on hold for now.
Finally, I feel I need to address the elephant in the room: Stephanie has lost an alarming amount of weight since last season. After her confession to US Weekly this past summer ("'The Hills' Made Me Bulimic"), she assured her fans she was on the road to recovery. But every time she came on screen this week, I couldn't help but notice her drastic physical transformation and wonder if perhaps it's Stephanie who needs an intervention instead of Holly Montag.
So now that we're a few episodes deep, how do you think Kristin is doing as the show's star? Is it time for Brody to finally dump Jayde and get back together with Kristin? And how ugly was Justin Bobby's tattoo? Talk it out in the comments.
-- Amy Kaufman (follow me on Twitter @AmyKinLA)
Photo: Kristin Cavallari shows off her beach body in a tight-fitting dress. Credit: MTV.