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'Entourage': Kiss kiss bang bang

September 27, 2009 | 11:00 pm

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Alas, I had my numbers wrong: This is the penultimate episode of the season. Aptly titled “Scared Straight,” this half-hour is filled with enough entertaining plot twists and gross turns to keep one's interest piqued until the season ends.

Many of tonight's story lines revolved around girl troubles. Such as Jamie-Lynn, who was devastated at the thought of leaving Turtle for New Zealand. Turtle, for whatever reason, kept a dry eye and a practical outlook: He said they'd talk 10 times a day, that tuna rolls and lobster mashed potatoes would help to fill the void and that he’d miss her but this was too good an opportunity to pass up. Jamie-Lynn, however, wasn’t convinced, and her fears were confirmed when the sexy UCLA brunette befriended Turtle on Facebook.

Turtle just thought he was being nice, but JL saw it as a dangerous omen. What played out was a pretty realistic and affecting turn between two people who cared about each other and were dealing with separation in their own ways. Jamie-Lynn chose to push Turtle away, while Turtle wanted to stay the course and be straightforward. But things got emotional when Jamie-Lynn gave Turtle her blessing to see other people. “Is this 'cause I didn’t cry?” a dumbfounded Turtle asked. To which a teary Jamie-Lynn simply said: “This is because I love you.” And darn it if I didn’t get misty-eyed myself during that exchange: Kudos to Jamie-Lynn Sigler for stretching what was supposed to be just a guest spot into something that had some depth and felt real. It’ll be interesting to see what happens with Turtle now that she’s gone. For the time being, he was in a tailspin. “I don’t even know who I am without her,” he insisted. To which Drama aptly responded: “I’m going to puke.”

E freaked out because he’d been enjoying the single life but feared he may have caught something. The girl he’d been out with, Tara, had apparently been keeping herself very busy, with stopovers at Drama’s (“E, I’ve had most of this town, so it’s bound to happen that our trees will dabble in the same park at some point”) and various other cads around town, and now E was running to the doctor and swearing off women (“L.A. is a cesspool”). And if that herpes poster at the doctor’s office, the full disclosure of E’s sexual history and the atrocities that occurred during the examination (“What are you going to do with that thing?” “Exactly what you’re hoping I don’t do”) weren't enough to get one to swear off dipping into Petri dishes without the proper protection, I don’t know what will.  I can understand how E would want to swear off women after this, but suddenly deciding that he wanted to be with Sloan? Haven’t we been on this merry-go-round long enough?

Drama had his own worries. His über-important “Melrose Place” audition was right around the corner, and he’d been psyching himself out at every turn. First, David Faustino showed up, giddy that he'd killed an audition. Then, some director whom Drama had bad blood with showed up (played by “Entourage” creator Doug Ellin -- ha!). And if that weren’t nerve-wracking enough, Dean Cain walked into the testing as well. Was the erstwhile Superman up for a role in "Melrose Place" as well?

690449_ENT_611_6_24_CB_ 6168 The Man of Steel proved to be kryptonite for Drama, who fell into a downward spiral of panic and fled the room (“That’s a meltdown,” said producer Phil), and Drama, who was promptly hospitalized with emotional stress, decided to swear off acting for the time being. "I thought I was going to die today," Drama said. "And for what? 'Melrose Place, the Next Generation'?" Vince dutifully played Florence Nightingale to both Drama's and E's medical emergencies. (Vince also had his own Florence Nightingale come over for some bedside manner.) What’s going to happen to Drama now that he’s essentially jobless? And what will Lloyd do, now that he’s out his one client?

Maybe he’ll have to go back to Ari, now that Ari has taken hold of Terrance’s business. Ari’s sworn enemy (played by Malcolm McDowell) also let his dipstick get him into trouble, and he was trying to unload his company before it became embroiled in a nasty divorce settlement. Ari, who did some shrewd detective work to discover the real reason why Terrance wanted the Miller Gold Agency to buy him out (“a 25-year-old D-cup by the name of Kelsey”), got his former boss to cut down his bidding price and reclaimed his position as the king of the world. He also had Lloyd in his sights (loved that one moment where Ari started calling Lloyd’s name out of habit but had to stop himself short when he remembered his No. 2 man wasn’t there). “Hey Lloyd!” Ari crowed. “If you’re hiding somewhere, go deeper. Because I will find you soon enough.”

Does this mean (fingers crossed) that Ari and Lloyd will come back together? Is E nuts for deciding to go after Sloan? What’s going to happen with Drama’s career? Will Turtle and Jamie-Lynn last? Will we ever see Vince at work again?

— Allyssa Lee

Photos: Claudette Barius / HBO