‘Dancing With the Stars’ results: Double elimination

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Well, we’ve finally reached the end of Season 9’s premiere week extravaganza, and I don’t think anyone can say they were surprised to learn Ashley Hamilton and Macy Gray had the lowest overall scores and were the first ones cut from the competition. Though, as host Tom Bergeron said, Macy Gray’s exit effectively ended the eccentric singer’s chances of being muted again on live television (thanks for all those who chimed in on what was blanked out). You pop your cherry, and then they never call you again. Figures. But first, it was a jam-packed results show that seemed to showcase a little bit of everything: Stars! Sean Kingston! Puppetry! Parties! Tributes!

And the return of the encore performance. This week, Len selected Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel’s Viennese waltz, because it exceeded all expectations and was goodness and light and happy as a rainbow. And Kelly looked elegant Wednesday night as well, swishing and sliding across the ballroom floor as if she was floating on air. The evening also marked the welcome return of the backstage post-dance interviews (which we didn’t see on Tuesday night), if only for Macy Gray’s quirky assertion that all her different components make her “kind of like a fruit bar.” Oh, Macy. I’ll miss you.

The musical performances included Sean Kingston, dressed like he came out of ‘High School Musical’ and singing his single “Face Drop,” as well as a very odd sneak peek at Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the U.S.A.” video. Why just a part? Did she not allow the whole thing, or did “DWTS” just not have time enough for it? Why did it look like she went from a fairground parking lot to Thunderdome? The world may never know.

And then the Macy’s Stars of Dance segment featured the rousing “Circle of Life” number from Broadway’s “The Lion King,” which impressed with its creative costumes and ginormous puppetry spectacle.

Enjoyed the funny clip with also-rans Kenny Mayne, Penn Jillette and Jeffrey Ross about the distinct honor of being the first in your season to be eliminated, aptly titled Losers Club. “There’s only one way to get into this club: Suck,” Ross said. “I was inelegant, the American public hated me, and I was told to leave,” Mayne revealed. “It’s probably cooler to be a winner, but I’ve never aspired to be cool,” Jillette stated. Ha!

Less entertaining, but still chuckle-worthy was Adam Carolla’s pep talk to the men right before showtime. The “7th runner up” of Season 6 rode in on his infamous unicycle and tried his hardest to get the guys pumped up to take back the Mirrorball trophy. “It’s been four seasons since a man won,” he said. “No broad is going to come in here and hoist that ball thing with the glass on it. Not in our house!” To Tom DeLay: “I know what you’re thinking. You don’t have to practice as hard as everyone else. You don’t have to work as hard as everyone else, because you’re a white middle-aged Republican, and dancing comes naturally to you people!” Hurling of a water cooler, unbreakable combs and a red, white and blue donkey piñata ensued.

But the part of the show I was most looking forward to was in honor of Patrick Swayze. And it was a sweet and fitting tribute. Tom called Swayze “a friend of our show,” and reminded us that the actor and dancer had appeared on Season 1 to help out pal John O’Hurley with the lifts. And really, if there was anyone who can be credited with popularizing ballroom dancing, it was Swayze. The tribute started out with Chelsie Hightower and Dmitry Chaplin breezing through Swayze’s own “She’s Like the Wind” from “Dirty Dancing,” and then real-life husband and wife Jonathan Roberts and Anna Trebunskaya performed a romantic duet to “Unchained Melody” from “Ghost.” But the real clincher was the final “Dirty Dancing” routine, set to “Time of My Life,” with Cheryl Burke playing the part of Baby, and Tony Dovolani as Johnny Castle. Anyone else get goosebumps with the opening dip, and when Tony ran his hand down her arm? As someone who grew up on this movie and has seen it more times than I could count, it was a treat to see this routine reenacted almost to a T. The leap! The shuffle dance back to the stage! The lift! If only it could have gone on a little longer. The resulting eliminations were almost an afterthought after the tribute. Ashley Hamilton was unceremoniously announced as the first guy to be cut not even halfway through the hour (poor Edyta will have to hang up her legwarmers for another season), and then it came down to the final two women: Kathy Ireland and Tony Dovolani, and Macy Gray and Jonathan Roberts. And for a second there, I thought maybe we’d be treated to one more week of Macy’s bon mots, but no: She had popped her ballroom cherry and now was politely asked to leave the show. The sound you hear are the censors breathing a sigh of relief.

What did you think? Did the results show live up to your expectations? How did you find the Patrick Swayze tribute?

-- Allyssa Lee

Photo credits: Adam Larkey / ABC