‘Weeds’: Love’s tests

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Esteban is gone. Not like gone, gone (which is what many people are thinking will happen next week). No, just a little gone, taken away by the policia last week on suspicion of conspiracy and tax evasion. Minor league charges when you think of everything Esteban has done. Goes to show you that if you’re running a drug cartel and have a tunnel to America to smuggle drugs and guns and young girls, you’d better be paying your taxes. That’s how they got Al Capone.

With her brand-new husband in custody, Nancy stops at nothing to find him. Well, first she drinks all night while waiting for Cesar to track him down, and then she stops at nothing to track him down. She rushes to Mexico, Andy in tow, and goes through a full day of bureaucratic number-taking, trying to find Esteban.

Andy comes along Gollum-style because he wants something from Nancy: the engagement ring Judah gave her. It’s a family heirloom, passed down from Botwin to Botwin as each one proposed, and it’s cheap. Wouldn’t want Andy to have to sell any of the arcade. Andy hops into Nancy’s limo heading south of the border because he’s gearing up to propose to Dr. Alanis Morissette. He’s ready to settle down and start a family. Nancy’s not so sure he’s ready. Luckily, they have the love quiz from a 35-year-old women’s magazine and endless waiting-room time to find out.

Back stateside, Casa de Reyes is under lockdown. Nancy left strict rules for Esteban’s guards that none of the kids is allowed to leave. Silas can’t even go for a jog. Instead, new stepsister Adelita decides to have a few friends over for some quick public-school bashing followed by light heroin smoking. Silas joins them mostly to drink wine and watch them make fools of themselves. For a kid who supposedly isn’t worldly enough for Adelita, Silas comes off as far more mature. When the two boys she brought over start taking advantage of the drugged-out Adelita, Silas even comes to the rescue. Though Shane ends up being the big help with a knife and the Spanish he picked up from Ignacio during their golf outings.

Celia, in the meantime, has decided she wants to be Nancy. She dresses like Nancy, talks like Nancy, opens her eyes really wide like Nancy. Honestly, she does a pretty good Nancy. Celia goes on with her Nancy imitation, trying to buy weed from Ignacio to help support her new lifestyle. Only there’s a black detective following her wherever she goes. She runs out on her deal and calls Nancy for help. Celia just needs a “What Would Nancy Do” bracelet. All the law enforcement that have come around Nancy have ended up severely beaten or dead. I don’t think Celia has that in her.

Who is the black private detective who’s making Celia’s life so difficult? He’s one mean mother -- (shut your mouth). I’m just talking about Dean. Can you dig it? That’s right, Celia’s ex-husband under the disguise of several layers of “You’re Pretty” cosmetics is the one following her around. Flashing a fake badge. As far as revenge plots go, I have to say I’m impressed. Isabelle looks to have really gotten one over on her mother. Nice work.

After a full day of yelling at a series of clerks who don’t speak English and getting told off by Andy the second time this season for bringing all this disaster on her family, Nancy finally finds out that Esteban had been released from custody four hours earlier. She returns home to see him on television rejoining Pilar’s ticket in his bid for higher Mexican elected office. The woman who tried to stop their wedding, threatened Nancy’s children, and send someone to shoot her has Nancy’s husband back in her grasp. Should make for a spirited season finale next week.

-- Andrew Hanson