Critic's Notebook: Paula Abdul was the 'American Idol' mess we'll miss

The news that Paula Abdul has chosen to leave “American Idol” rather than accept a salary below her asking price forces the question reality television has been dancing around for years now: What is a reliable train wreck actually worth? 

Abdul may have been chosen as one of “American Idol’s” original judges because of her singing career —  “I’ve been where you are” is her default position with contestants — but what she actually brought to the show was, well, insanity. Loopiness gave way at times to incoherence that seemed chemically induced,  an allegation that she denied, then admitted, then denied admitting, then admitted denying, etc. Oh, she tried to fashion herself as a mother hen, comforting the forlorn, or as a feisty foil to Simon Cowell, but the role that worked best for her was the ditsy, drunken sidekick.

This is not a put-down, by the way. Some of the more brilliant comedians of our time have made this role their own. George Burns always said he had the easiest job in Hollywood; all he had to do was ask his seemingly feather-headed wife, Gracie, about her family. Cigarette and highball firmly in hand, Dean Martin muttered and grimaced and never seemed quite sober; Foster Brooks wheezed and blinked and stuttered through countless stand-up routines and a thousand appearances on “The Tonight Show.”
 

The trick, of course, was that it was all an act — Gracie Burns never made a conversational U-turn she hadn’t planned way in advance, Martin’s glass was full of ginger ale most of the time and Brooks might sway at the podium as he roasted Don Rickles, but he returned to his seat straight up and sober.

With Paula, however, it never seemed like an act, a suspicion that her short-lived reality show, “Hey Paula,” only further cemented. Her mini-rants, apropos-of-nothing comments and drowsy confusions never had the comedic timing or control that marked a master. But then, “American Idol” was the vanguard of reality programming, on which nothing is supposed to be scripted. Abdul provided the first taste of what the citizenry now gorges itself on: live-action breakdowns.

We’re far too educated in the perils of addiction to find feigned drunkenness amusing anymore (although we do retain a strange collective fondness for male stoners of a certain age), but we are certainly wanting to see the behind-the-scenes Hollywood breakdowns unfold in real time. There she was, live, on the show that held network television hostage, and you honestly didn’t know if this was going to be a good Paula day or a bad Paula day. And neither did anyone else! Not since "The Judy Garland Show's" Christmas Special was there so much wince-worthy pathos and hilarity in the offing.

And if things got too tame, you could always count on Paula to do something like admit to a national magazine that she used painkiller patches and then deny she ever said it. Crazy, man. All Simon can do, really, is make little British girls cry and cause fans to clock his ex-girlfriend!

So how much is reliable unreliability worth to “American Idol”? Apparently not as much as the milquetoast stoicism of Ryan Seacrest. It’s hard to imagine “Idol” without Paula. No, she wasn’t the best “judge” on the American music scene — she often seemed reactive, intent on proving how nice she is. And with the economy being what it is, there is something infuriating about bad behavior being well rewarded. But TV is about eyeballs, not morality, and in terms of television value these days, it’s hard to beat insanity. Certainly a lot of people watch “American Idol” for the music and the performances and to hear what a person really needs to have to make it as a star. But they also watch for the breakdowns and the crack-ups and the strange shape-shifting relationship between the judges. 

By tweeting off in a huff, Abdul, of course, is taking a huge chance. Her marketable skills are fairly specific at this point. So if she doesn’t want to wind up doing face time with Dr. Drew or going into business with Sarah Palin, she needs to get on another competition show, which makes perfect business sense. “American Idol” remains the behemoth in the room, sweeping aside competition with little notice of the tiny spears and arrows thrown its way.  How great would it be to have a piece of that dishing away and getting really confused on “Dancing With the Stars”? When life gives you a train wreck, it's best to spread the debris around.

— Mary McNamara

(Photo courtesy AP)

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Comments

[mikey]

The swipe at Sarah Palin at the end completely undercut the substance of your article ... not to mention is showed your political bias ... liberals just can't help themselves, eh?

[patroklos]

Baloney. Paula frequently gave the best advice on the panel. Yes, she has a unique personality. But this article sounds like it was written by someone more interested in TMZ than AI. For me, no Paula, no Idol.

[Anne]

Paula is the heart of AI. She's family and the only nurturing and compassionate side of that reality show. And she makes us laugh wittingly and unwittingly. And she is the one who championed ADAM, not Kara as producers of the show say. It's a wonder why the producers mention ADAM and not the winner in Kara's press release about coming back as relevant judge for eyeing ADAM early on. Kara is so serious. We want wit and humor. Paula is the right foil to Simon's acerbic tongue.
With audience questioning the voting system of AI and disappointed with it, unless they change the way the winner get picked which should be the deserving one and unless they bring back Paula, AI will lose its relevance. If AI will let go Paula, then also Randy when his contract is up. And please get someone who is witty and humorous like the male judges of Dancing With The Stars. Their voting system is also better because the judges have a say who wins.

[Lea]

This "critic's notebook" belongs in the trash. Petty, small-minded and just plain wrong. Imagine what the world would be like if such critics passed muster on the best and brightest. Eddison and Einstein, as flunkies and dropouts, would have been quickly shown the door, well, once, Einstein especially, who was known for losing his way to his own office, found it. In this critic's empire all speech would be flawless, hit the tv market on demographic and no character whatsoever could ever shine out. Of course we'd be in the dark without the tools for complex air travel, let alone space travel, and modern media as we know it likely wouldn't exist. Instad of this critic's notebook, I prefer those who think in more than one direction, often at once, which can make them appear a little loopy or distracted. I like this even more than I like reading about relatively and space travel with the lights on.

[K Tucker]

Hey mikey, Paula decided to leave American Idol, and Sarah Palin is another highly visible public figure who decided to leave her job as well. The author was simply making a topical reference - I don't see any political bias in that one way or another.

[Jack Allen Harrington]

It's probably better that she bows out gracefully, rather than inventing the "Prime Time Homicide" at Simon's expense.
P.S. mikey: Get a clue! Sarah has blown into POP CULTURE like a Labor Day Hurricane, laughing all the way to the bank. So please spare us all with the unwitting victimization of Sarah Palin. $he i$ winning the argument.

[Michael Rogers]

Paula, yes, you can appear a bit loopy at times. And it's kinda true that we never knew what we'd get from you each week...would you seem all pulled together or at a little bit of a loss on any given night? But regardless, we loved you through it all. You're human, you're gorgeous, you're talented, and gosh darnit, we all love you! Don't let the naysayers and the haters get you down. You've got a world of loyal fans out there!

[martin L]

I have been a big fan of american Idol for alot of years. but now that paula is no longer a judge. I will no longer watch the program.

[Ed]

Too much has been said about what Paula brought or did not bring to the show. People really need to move on. As for me, I am looking forward to listening to some coherent and humorous commentary from a person we known will be sober.