‘The Hills’: When catfights become boring

This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.

Let’s get one thing straight: Brody and Audrina slept together during that Hawaii vacation.

All that talk in Monday’s episode about how they just dozed off together in the same bed was pretty lame, especially for viewers who saw evidence to the contrary in last week’s episode.

Fast forward to the 18 minute and 36 second mark: ‘Listen, I messed up. I cheated on my girlfriend,’ Brody admitted/boasted. And at the 19 minute and 43 second mark, Audrina told her friends that Brody’s Playboy playmate girlfriend Jayde Nicole, who wasn’t present, can bring it: ‘Let her come after me. Start a war. Whatever.’

Whatever is right. Not sure if I want to follow these two in a Lauren-less ‘Hills’ this fall. Something about Audrina’s sudden transformation into a drama queen -- she crashes not one but two parties where she knows Brody and Jayde will be! -- reeks of desperation.

Audrina, I was happy to see you stand up for yourself last season when Lauren and Lo were icing you out. But you are not Kristen Cavallari. Kristen, for one thing, never feigned innocence. Getting together with Brody was gross. And wrong. But mostly gross. Own up to it and leave the bitch routine to the pros.

Speaking of the pros, I have to hand it Jayde for not giving in to Audrina’s goading. She looked like she could easily have snapped Audrina into two. But both of their would-be catfights wound up being a lot of talk and Audrina making a speedy exit. Good for Jayde, but rather dull for the audience.

Not as dull, however, as Heidi versus Stacie, the bartender with a hankering for some camera time Spencer. ‘There will always be another Stacie,’ she told Heidi repeatedly. Heidi didn’t have much of a response, but she took the story to the therapist, which I guess is the point for reality TV’s hardest-working couple.

Bah, next week is better. Next week, just as I predicted, is when Lauren will have to fire Stephanie from People’s Revolution.

-- Denise Martin