'Dancing With the Stars' results: No butts about it

Maybe the world wasn't ready for all that jelly. Or maybe they, too, were sick of the needless abuse of the term “bionic booty.” But in one of the more shocking eliminations of the season, queen bee and rump-shaker Lil’ Kim was sent home this week. To take a catchphrase from last Thursday's “30 Rock”: (gasp) Twist!!

As mentioned in Tuesday’s post, something freakish needed to happen with the voting if someone other than the low-scoring Ty Murray was sent home this week. And apparently, it did. Lil’ Kim and Derek Hough had a good six-point advantage over Ty and Chelsie coming into Tuesday's elimination, so it had to have been the throngs of voters who came out in full support for our resident bull rider and saved him. Which goes to show that America loves its cowboys. Who love their wives. And whose wives stick by them and hang out in the front row. And while this fierce competitor has wrangled himself free of many a close call, let's take a moment to consider how crazy it is that Ty Murray has made it to the final four of this competition!

Lil’ Kim will definitely be missed, however. Not only was she an effusive face for ballroom dancing, but as I said before, she really did seem to care about her fellow competitors. Plus, she always wore the best slogan tees during rehearsals. Her squeals of delight were genuine and infectious. And her “Jailhouse Rock” jive with Derek has got to be one of my favorite dances, ever. Just thinking about it brings shivers of delight.

But before we get to all that, let's not forget the filler. Melissa and Tony’s perfect 30 samba was selected as the week’s encore performance. And while I thought they did a better job Monday night, it struck me how Tony had experienced a 180-degree turn of emotions in just the span of seven days. Last week, he was one sad sack of droopiness. Now he’s spry and spray-tanned and smiles all around, just raring for that finish line. The agony and the ecstasy that come with ballroom dancing, ladies and gentlemen!

Jamie Cullum -- he of the mussed bird nest hair -- performed a jazzy interpretation of Cole Porter’s “I Get a Kick Out of You” that took a head-scratching turn when he stomped on the piano keys with his Nikes. The scatty song was accompanied by a rousing, zippy quickstep from -- wait for it … Agnieszka Kazmierczak and Urs Gaisenhainer. Phew -- tripping through that name field is like a verbal quickstep of its own. Quick, last one to say it 10 times fast is a moldy samba roll! Though I feel that the pronunciation should come with its own tongue-tripper's warning: Those linguistically challenged should consult a speech doctor before proceeding.

And then we had Kenny Mayne and his always-entertaining “DanceCenter” segments. Maybe it’s the billowy pink satin shirt or the full-on makeup and face decals, but I love Mayne’s dry humor and total randomness. And Jerry Rice was game as well, sporting a sparkly/sporty Chippendales look with a sequined vest, striped bow tie, and black marks under his eyes. A stodgy, spray-tanned Len Goodman rounded out the trio. Loved how Mayne described Lil’ Kim’s stats: “Height: Lil’. Weight: Lil’. Shoe size: Lil’.” And pointed out Mark’s odd squirrelly face. And mentioned that Gilles would get naked at the drop of a hat. “He’s prostituting himself and his good looks,” said Mayne. But my favorite was when the ESPN commentator lobbed a throwaway “11 on the sexness” when describing the Frenchman’s stats. Didn’t necessarily need to see all three lads shirtless (especially after being nearly blinded by Mayne’s apparent lack of melatonin), but if it meant we got to glimpse the salty old mermaid tattoo on Len’s blinged-out chest, well, then I guess that made it all worthwhile.

Next came the Macy’s Stars of Dance, which both Tom and Samantha teased as the biggest star the show has ever seen. This sent my mind scrambling: Who could the star be? Madonna? Kanye? The Ballas-Hough Band? Turned out the joke was on me: It wasn’t a celebrity at all, but a ginormous set piece in the shape of a star that dancers writhed and climbed all over, like the scaffolding in Paula Abdul’s “Cold Hearted Snake” video. Except that this was to Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida.” And Abdul’s video was cooler. Maybe it was just me feeling duped, but I just couldn’t enjoy it all that much. Not when there were visions of Madonna dancing around in my head.

In the competition with a competition, the three remaining pro dancers were paired up with former “DWTS” contestants. Afton DelGrosso was with Cody Lindley, Mayo Alanen was with an over-the-top Lisa Rinna, and Anna Demidova was with Maurice Greene. At this point, I’m rooting for either Mayo or Anna — both seem media-savvy and more than capable of getting their celebs to turn out a good performance. This is despite Anna’s ill-advised outfit, mind you — those different colored jewels on her bodice did not curry any favors, and reminded me of those crystal matrix tables in “Land of the Lost” — only with a bow at the neckline. Face-wise, doesn’t Anna kind of remind you of Meredith Baxter (Birney) from “Family Ties,” though?

Which brings us to the elimination. Shawn and Mark were deemed safe, which left only Ty & Chelsie and Lil’ Kim & Derek in the bottom two. At this point, I figured it was a foregone conclusion that Ty would be saying happy trails and riding off into the sunset (after all, he’s got his wife to go home to. And as he randily said after his, um, stirring solo performance at the end of his rumba, “Mommy like.”). But the voters sent the bubbly rapper home instead. This, amid cries of disappointment and shock from the crowd. And judging by her dropped jaw and subsequent squeal, it came as a surprise to her as well. Sadly, I’ll miss the little spitfire with her rocking attitude, bump and grind moves and ceaseless energy. Though I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t say that I would not miss another mention of that … “bionic booty.” Some things are better left behind. 

What did you think? Were you shocked by this week’s elimination? Who do you want to continue in the pro competition? Post your comments below!

-- Allyssa Lee

Photos: ABC

Comments

[Annnie]

While it came as a shock, it probably shouldn't have. I did the math earlier and concluded that Ty needed just 2.25% more viewer votes than Lil Kim in order to stay. Which is not a very big percentage. And the online polls have consistently shown Lil Kim far behind Shawn/Gilles/Melissa.

The most amazing thing was that Lil Kim Twittered for people to vote for her and Derek AND to vote for Ty and Chelsie! She gave both phone numbers. Now I don't think that many people read her Twitters to have tipped the scales, but at least some of those Ty votes were courtesy of the Queen Bee herself.

I will miss her and Derek.

[Carol]

Lil Kim and Derck, and Melissa and Tony are my favorites. I always have voted for these two couples. I voted for Ty and Chelsie, also. I was very surprised that Lil Kim and Derck were eliminated. They were a perfect match. I'm surprised that Shawn and Mark keep going. I guess we all see something different in everyone.

[bewestbrook]

Lil Kim missed a lot of steps and was off the beat on Monday. Is she really a better dancer? Certainly more musical, but not more precise than Ty.

[Jo]

Until the last few seasons, I have truly enjoyed the show. It is bad enough to listen to the criticism from the judges; but when good dancers (not professional dancers) are being voted off because of the fans; why have the judges. I think it is great to see who and how the fans are voting, but the judges should have the final say. The fan are acutally taking away the dance part of the show and it's being replaced by who you know and not what you see. It's like last season watching Cloris Leachman stay longer than Toni Braxton. PLEASE! I thought Lil Kim did a good job and should at least still been there for another week.

[Sue]

I think Ty gets double votes. He gets votes from the people who like him, and he gets votes from the people who like Jewel. None of the other contestants have that advantage. Lil'Kim was obviously the better dancer. I like Ty and have even voted for him in earlier weeks, but he is clearly out of his leage at this point. If Ty ends up winning, the show will become a farce. It will come down to not how good a dancer someone is, but how popular their spouse is, which is very unfortunate.

[jane]

I felt like Lil Kim is wasn't treated fearly in the show. I felt bad for her becasue she needs tto work twice as hard as the other celebrity. I dont watch the dancing with the stars anymore on Monday just tuesday hoping to see Derek Hough dancing..

[jane]

I dont watch Dancing with stars anymore. Felt bad for Lil Kim because she was treated very poorly. And she needs to work her butt off twice as the other celebrity. Hurry Derek!!!!!

[PissedOffInPaloAlto]

Lil Kim's fanbase was probably not the stuff that made for dominant voting. I have read the postings of her fanbase on ABC message boards and they are nothing short of insulting, graphic and in your face. You don't push your favorite ahead by attacking every other person in the competition. More, her past is not a huge point of favor with a lot of people. Yeah yeah yeah, she did her time, but conspiracy and perjury are still serious crimes . Then take a few minutes to look up her Bio and her 'music'. Read the lyrics. Maybe that will give you a better idea of why she got bounced. It's a good lesson that what you do in this life DOES follow you. That being said she came across as a good competitor and did a good job on most of her dances. And who knows, with all the tinkering going on this year with these so called reality shows, who knows what the truth is? On this one though, the Vote#1 website and a few others had her going home, unlike the Idol disaster which had Danny going home, after him, Kris. Can anyone say, Rigged for Ratings?

[michaelnash]

I've checked it out thoroughly and found that EVERY celebrity's fans have been active participants in the supersonic mudfest that is the ABC Message Boards. What got me though is that Lil' Kim made a pact with Shawn early on in the competition to "take the tall people down," and she ended up putting herself out of the competition by recommending that her fans vote for Ty. It wouldn't have hurt to show a little more "loyalty."