‘Top Chef’: Jeff goes down, let’s stack up the rest

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I really thought Jeff was going to be a contender. I thought he’d be able to rein himself in. He reminded me a little bit of a less-skilled Richard from last season -- lots of ideas going on, in some cases too many.

But it wasn’t to be. All season long, it seemed like every week Jeff was telling the camera guys that he was nervous because maybe he was trying to do too much, and yet his behavior never changed. You did 17 different things to your dish? Well, Jeff, not one was better than what Josie did, which was to create a flavorful ceviche. Warm or otherwise.

That leaves Stefan, Jamie, Hosea, Leah, Fabio and Carla up for the ‘Top Chef’ title. Let the handicapping begin, open letter-style:

Stefan, you’re a shoo-in. But you already know that. You’re allowed to be a smug jerk as long as you keep cooking things that make me go ‘Mmmm, I want, I want!’ I was surprised that Andrea beat you in the head-to-head, but no matter. Probably a fluke. My money’s still on you for the win, you smug jerk.

Hosea, you’ll be in the top four, no problem. So quit whining about Stefan and wow me with something already. And hurry. I’ve fallen out of like with you because of your obsession with Leah. She is not good people. You’re not such good people, either, you big cheat, but she is worse. Still, your Seattle salmon roll looked tasty, and you’re usually a strong, consistent, if not always interesting, performer. (As I sit down to write these reviews, I’m always having to research what you made because I never remember. Although I’ll never forget that you once chose to use canned crab meat -- canned! -- for a crab salad. The horror.)

Fabio, I don’t want you and your broken English to leave, but you’re not giving the judges any reason for you to stay. You haven’t made anything that impressed them since, what, Episode 2? Oh, you made ravioli and lamb once, and they liked the pasta but wished you left the lamb off the plate. You have issues with protein, it seems. Last night, you said the venison was medium rare when it hit the plate, but that it sat too long. Even I find it hard to believe that your meat went from medium rare to well done in those few minutes. Pull your self together, man! I’d really like you to outlast...

Leah. Leah has won both quick-fire and elimination challenges, it’s true. But she’s uninspiring. She seems to work best under pressure, and it’s times where she says she has no idea what she’s doing that ends up pulling off a win. That is certainly fascinating, but not the mark of a Top Chef. I want a winner who puts some thought into what they’re trying to pull off. (Not too much thought though, Jeff!) Granted, the show’s producers have also made it impossible for me to like her. Those vignettes with Hosea make me want to gag. And she’s full of herself, but not in any amusing Stefan-like way. She’s just full of herself.

Carla, like Fabio, I don’t want to see you go. But I don’t think you can compete either. Kudos to you for the gumbo on grits, and for your come-and-go dessert-making skills, but you lack leadership in the kitchen and you’re inconsistent. Sending out your love with the food has never been enough to save bad dishes. But I like you. And if there are more ‘all-star’ editions in the future, I’d love to see you back.

Jamie, my favorite. You’ll be a finalist. You’re like the opposite of Leah, you think about the components of your dishes, what makes sense, what’s interesting, what’s seasonal. You turned huffy midway through, but with good reason -- you were being overlooked! I think it’s clear now that you’re a threat. So just knock Leah out of the way and keep Stefan dazzled and we’ll all be happy here on the couch.

Next week: Eric Ripert-o-rama!

-- Denise Martin