'The Bachelor' tries to one-up itself

"First of all, yes, I realize I'm a loser for doing this."

That's YouTube user handsomepete, in voice-over, introducing a new two-minute video last month. Thanks to some eagle-eye sleuthing, handsomepete seems to have discovered who wins this season of "The Bachelor" -- no, you won't get a spoiler here -- and he appears to be on point.

If this is viral marketing disinformation, it's self-aware and brilliant. (The clip has remained on YouTube, as of this writing, for three weeks.) And if it's just a guy in a room with a flat-screen TV and a webcam, it still serves a function. With what sounds like an embarrassed shrug, handsomepete closes the clip with empathetic self-loathing: "I've just saved you now from having to watch this horrid TV show."

He seems reasonable and unremarkable enough -- he's got a heavy Canadian accent; from other clips on his YouTube page, he's a fan of the Dave Matthews Band and large whales. And he knows "The Bachelor" is rigorously uncool.

Read the whole story here.

--Jon Caramanica

(Photo courtesy Adam Larkey / ABC)

Super Bowl XLIII: Ads promote that feel-good aura

And so it came to pass that a terrible hardship swept over the land, and heavy were the hearts of the people. First the money temples failed. Then the mighty house of Lehman  fell silent. And double woe unto them who had followed the evil counsels of Darth Madoff, who was sometimes called Ponzi.

Beholding all this, the people were sore afraid. Even the wise man Bernanke and his sorcerers feared that their magic rods were but  twigs against a whirlwind.

But there was one sacred consumer covenant that yet remained: the Super Bowl. Although many in number were the cynics who predicted that the sagging fortunes of the Street of Wall might cast a pall o'er the game, there arose a chorus of defiant voices insisting that the Great Contest of the Inflated Pig Bladder would again be a marvel to behold, like the rising of Excalibur from the lake.

"The Super Bowl will be as grand an event as it always is," hath said NFL spokesman Greg Aiello. "The NFL brings people together like nothing else. The Super Bowl will once again be an extraordinary day of national unity."

Sing, then, O Muse, of how the glorious battle betwixt the Metallic Fabricators of Pittsburgh and the Fierce Red Avians of Phoenix went forward.  Long live the eternal celebration of HDTVs, light pickup trucks, high-sodium snack foods, luxury-box suites and aging rock bands with a new album to plug.

-- Reed Johnson

Read the full story here.

(SNEAK PEEK: Pedigree joins the 2009 advertising pack. Photo courtesy PRNewsFoto/Mars Petcare US)

Kate Gosselin on octuplets' birth: People will judge you

Kate Gosselin has a piece of advice for the Whittier mom who gave birth to octuplets: People will judge you, people will gawk at you, but "keep your head up, and do your absolute best for your children."

Kate is the star of TLC's hit TV show "Jon & Kate Plus 8," which follows the never-boring life with her husband, Jon, and their eight children -- a set of twins and a set of sextuplets.

"I felt like I had octuplets ... I had eight in three years," Kate said. "[The news of the octuplets' birth] caused me to review the feelings and emotions I had when my six were born! So overwhelming!"

The birth of the octuplets to Nadya Suleman, a Whittier woman "who loves children," has raised concerns about the number of embryos implanted and whether the procedure was within medical guidelines.

We asked Kate to reflect on the day-to-day realities that lie ahead for the new mom, the octuplets and their six siblings. (Truth be told, we originally tried to interview the Duggars, who have 18 kids and their own TV show on Discovery, but they declined because, believe it or not, they said they couldn't relate to having eight infants all at the same time.)

Kate answered questions via e-mail from Chicago, where she is doing a book signing for Multiple Blessings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets.

Q.: What is the new mom experiencing physically? Emotionally?

A.: Right now, the mother is likely exhausted yet grateful that her babies are here and doing well so far! She is probably inundated with offers from people, companies and the media. Her main focus now though is her babies and their health.... Nothing else matters right now. She is feeling overwhelmed and as though she is in a fog. Feelings of helplessness and fear threaten to overtake! We relied on prayer and lots of it!!! We were blessed with all healthy babies and still don't forget that miracle!

Q.: She’s feeling exhaustion, no doubt, but does she even have time to be exhausted with eight new mouths to feed?

A.: She will ignore her exhaustion and will have to for the rest of her life! The babies' health matters most now. But it will be important for her to take care of herself too or she will not be of any use to her children!

Q.: She is said to be planning on breastfeeding. What do you think about that? Is that even possible?

'Battlestar Galactica': Felix Gaeta did what?!?!

The coup on "Battlestar Galactica" helped bring back a sense of danger and intrigue that we may not have realized was lost. Starbuck is back to being awesome, Lee has picked up a gun again, Adama and Tigh are back-to-back in the trenches, and despite her objections, Laura Roslin again has taken up the mantle of leadership.

The catalyst for the trouble? A disgruntled Lt. Felix Gaeta. It's understood, to a point. A hero during the occupation, he was almost executed as a traitor. While helping to find Earth, he was shot and lost his leg in a faux mutiny. The Earth was found to be a nuked wasteland, his fellow CIC officer Dee committed suicide (that one still hurts), and there was suddenly an olive branch extended to the murderous Cylons who started this whole thing. Yeah, the reasoning is there. Frustration had built.

But taking over Galactica by force seems a bit extreme.

'CSI' and Laurence Fishburne rebound in ratings

Last week we wondered whether the exit of star William Petersen from CBS' "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" signaled a ratings decline for the forensics drama.

Well, maybe not.

On Thursday, "CSI" rebounded with 20.1 million total viewers, according to early data from Nielsen Media Research. That was much higher than the previous week's 17.6 million for the first episode since Petersen's departure, and it was the fourth most-watched "CSI" this season. The results offer evidence that viewers may be adjusting well to Petersen's replacement, Laurence Fishburne.

We still think given the age of Thursday's top series that the night is ripe for a programming shakeup.

But the durability of "CSI" suggests that that shakeup might not happen as soon as we thought.

-- Scott Collins 

'Hell's Kitchen': Bringing in the A team?

Let me get this straight -- this is Gordon Ramsay's top-notch crew?

The contestants on Season 5 of "Hell's Kitchen" includes Robert, whom everyone takes for a clumsy oaf; Wil, who is all about his pride pin; Lacey, who must toil under the burden that comes with just being beautiful (and, perhaps, mirror-less?); Seth, who has gladly adopted Ramsay's nickname for him, Forrest Gump; Colleen, who cannot tell the difference between sugar and sale; and Danny, a redneck who boasts that he makes up recipes by pulling them out of his ... well, you know.

And by the way, this is what they said about themselves.

To be sure, these are the folks that make for good television. (I, personally, hope Colleen stays around to the very end. Too much fun.) There are several gems in the bunch as well: Ji, Carol, Andrea, Coi and Paula already impressed chef Ramsay with their signature dishes.

But no one impressed him at the first service, which was marred by a blackout. In the end, both the men's team and the women's team were dismal, and, in a "Hell's Kitchen" first, the "winner" was determined by the front-of-the-house service, which the woman won hands down. The men put Wil and Forrest Gump on the chopping blog, and Wil was sent home.

It's early, but anyone want to wager on who could win this thing and the $250,000 prize as well as chef-ship at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa in Atlantic City?

-- Rene Lynch

Photo: Fox

 

'America's Best Dance Crew': A six-pack to go

With Brooke Burke long gone, "Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew" might have looked like a knight on a white horse, or a pastrami sandwich for a famished traveler, to dance fans as it premiered three weeks ago. After the sometimes tear-inducing -- whether from laughter, sadness or rage -- "Superstars of Dance" was unveiled, somebody had to do something to get dance back to favored status on television. In stepped "America's Best Dance Crew," restoring some semblance of hope, and introducing nine talented groups of performers ready to compete (none of which are Shaolin monks, I believe).

Down to six now, this is easily the most diverse lineup to hit the stage for "ABDC."  Each has been able to spotlight what they do -- from clogging to stepping to I-don't-even-know-what-the-Ringmasters-do (It's called flexing, but I call it ouch). The show went a bit international with GOP Dance from Puerto Rico (Ho!).  But the goodwill was very short-lived, and they were out first. There were lots of hometown groups, but the home cooking hasn't helped -- last week, with the elimination of San Diego's Boxcuttuhz, or this week, with another local crew watching their banner fall after the Britney Spears dance challenge.

Jay Leno-Conan O'Brien shift has late-night TV rivals scrambling

Late-night TV is in the greatest state of flux the industry has seen in years. 

NBC, the late-night TV leader, announced last year that Jay Leno — after handing "The Tonight Show" to Conan O'Brien — will take over the 10 p.m. slot on weeknights starting this fall. These moves have evidently prompted ABC to mull promoting Jimmy Kimmel to 11:35 p.m., which would apparently kill off "Nightline." And CBS is reportedly talking with David Letterman about renewing his current contract, set to expire next year. The moves would thus make all three networks compete head-to-head with talk shows that would draw on the same pool of celebrity guests.

Once a programming backwater, late night looks a lot sexier to programmers these days. Talk shows are relatively inexpensive to make (once you get past the salary of the host, which in Letterman's case runs around $30 million annually), and producers can easily churn out 200 episodes a year. Simply put, these shows deliver a high rate of return on a very low investment. Who cares if they don't repeat well? The TV business, like most industries these days, is in sheer survival mode.

From that standpoint, the Letterman move makes perfect sense. Clearly the host is at least a decade past his prime, but even at age 61 he's still the best practitioner of the form, as his tiff with Sen. John McCain during the presidential campaign demonstrated. (Favorite recent moment: Guest Meryl Streep, hacking and sniffling from a bad respiratory infection, explained to Letterman that she trooped to his studio anyway because, she said with a smile, "I was afraid to cancel.")

As for ABC, well, It's been obvious that executives there have had an epic love/hate relationship with the "Nightline" franchise for many years. But the news of their latest deliberations was still a bit surprising. As Time's James Poniewozik has pointed out, "Nightline" and Kimmel both do pretty well where they are, so why move one, kill the other and risk upsetting that exquisite balance? In fact, this season "Nightline" has pulled even in the ratings with CBS' "Late Show With David Letterman," averaging 3.9 million total viewers apiece (compared with 5 million for "The Tonight Show"), according to Nielsen Media Research.

But ABC is having trouble letting go of the dream, first hatched earlier in this decade by the now-departed programming chief Lloyd Braun, that Kimmel was destined to be late-night's chairman of the board. The problem is, there is little evidence that is ever going to happen. At 12:05 a.m., Kimmel has averaged 1.8 million total viewers this season — a respectable total, given the hour, but one that Comedy Central's "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" often exceeds.

For ABC — and any other also-ran that dreams of late-night conquest, including Fox — the real problem isn't O'Brien or Letterman, but rather Stewart, Stephen Colbert and any number of other as-yet-unheralded late-night contenders that other basic-cable networks will inevitably trot out in the years hence. Leno's audience skews fairly old, and his move into prime time will probably take more than a few of the over-50s with him. That will leave an audience that's disproportionately young and male. This crowd tends to favor the new and the off-the-wall. They made Colbert a hit. Ditto Adult Swim.

So in a time of great uncertainty for late-night TV in general, the one thing that can be confidently predicted is that the genre's next great shift will likely come from someone other than the big players currently playing musical chairs.

— Scott Collins

Comedian Jimmy Kimmel speaks at an announcement of American Music Award nominees at the Beverly Hills Hotel on Oct. 9, 2007 (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

'Top Chef': Jeff goes down, let's stack up the rest

I really thought Jeff was going to be a contender. I thought he'd be able to rein himself in. He reminded me a little bit of a less-skilled Richard from last season -- lots of ideas going on, in some cases too many.

But it wasn't to be. All season long, it seemed like every week Jeff was  telling the camera guys that he was nervous because maybe he was trying to do too much, and yet his behavior never changed. You did 17 different things to your dish? Well, Jeff, not one was better than what Josie did, which was to create a flavorful ceviche. Warm or otherwise.

That leaves Stefan, Jamie, Hosea, Leah, Fabio and Carla up for the "Top Chef" title. Let the handicapping begin, open letter-style:

Stefan, you're a shoo-in. But you already know that. You're allowed to be a smug jerk as long as you keep cooking things that make me go "Mmmm, I want, I want!" I was surprised that Andrea beat you in the head-to-head, but no matter. Probably a fluke. My money's still on you for the win, you smug jerk.

Hosea, you'll be in the top four, no problem. So quit whining about Stefan and wow me with something already. And hurry. I've fallen out of like with you because of your obsession with Leah. She is not good people. You're not such good people, either, you big cheat, but she is worse. Still, your Seattle salmon roll looked tasty, and you're usually a strong, consistent, if not always interesting, performer. (As I sit down to write these reviews, I'm always having to research what you made because I never remember. Although I'll never forget that you once chose to use canned crab meat -- canned! -- for a crab salad. The horror.)

Fabio, I don't want you and your broken English to leave, but you're not giving the judges any reason for you to stay. You haven't made anything that impressed them since, what, Episode 2? Oh, you made ravioli and lamb once, and they liked the pasta but wished you left the lamb off the plate. You have issues with protein, it seems. Last night, you said the venison was medium rare when it hit the plate, but that it sat too long. Even I find it hard to believe that your meat went from medium rare to well done in those few minutes. Pull your self together, man! I'd really like you to outlast...

Gordon Ramsay is done being nice on 'Hell's Kitchen'

There's not a lot of sympathy for contestants on the world's most punishing job interview -- a.k.a. Fox's “Hell’s Kitchen.” After all, they volunteered to be Gordon Ramsay's abused acolytes in the race to win a $250,000 prize and a job working for the Michelin-starred, foul-mouthed chef. But if you tune in tonight as Season 5 gets underway, you'll see one contestant who might be getting more than she bargained for: Watching Colleen, the Nebraska cooking instructor who charges $300 per lesson, is like watching a career go up in flames. Her dismal performance includes an inability to tell the difference between sugar and salt. Without giving too much away, at the traditional first challenge, seen in tonight's premiere, contestants are asked to prepare their signature dish, so Colleen made chicken enchiladas. Ramsay said they looked liked diapers on a plate.