Letterman calls McCain's attempts to return 'squirrely'

As anyone within shouting distance of David Letterman knows, two weeks ago Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain ditched the "Late Show" host in order, the senator said, to help fix the financial crisis.

To the delight of many viewers, and Democrats, Letterman did not take this slight well.

This week, the New York Post reported that the two former friends could have an on-air make-up session next week, when McCain is in New York to debate Barack Obama for the last time.

But in tonight's "Late Show," Letterman once again spouted off about the feud. And in the process of scornfully recounting it -- "war hero," "economy," "rush back to Washington," "spent the night in New York," "Katie Couric," yadda, yadda -- he revealed details about the negotiations to bring McCain back that ... well, it's hard to imagine that the McCain campaign will like this.

Here are excerpts of Letterman's remarks that we bring to you exclusively. And, FYI, when he mentions "that big-headed kid," he means MSNBC's Keith Olbermann:

"So now, in an attempt to save his campaign, they’re talking about coming back. You see what I’m saying? So we said, 'Sure, we would love you to come back.' And even on the phone, he said, 'I’ll bring…Sarah.'  But they’re being squirrely.  Politicians can be squirrely.  Because we have a date picked.  We do this show every afternoon at 5:30.  He wants to do the show at 5.  So one –- we have no guarantee he’s going to show up, period. And we’ve kind of already rearranged our schedule on his behalf to save the economy, right?  By getting that big-headed kid in here to talk about the politics. You know what I’m driving at? I just don’t know if we can trust him. And by the way, I don’t need to remind you that the road to the White House runs right through here."

The full transcript of Letterman's rant is after the jump.

Now here’s this thing with John McCain…you know a couple of weeks ago, John McCain was supposed to be on the show. And at the last minute he calls me up –- and I’ve got a lot of respect…you get a call from a senator –- you get a call from a guy who is a bona fide war hero –- all of a sudden, you know, your lips start to vibrate.  So I said “Sure, whatever you want.”  And he says, “Look, Dave, the economy is about to crater.”  It’s about to “crater,” his word.  “And I have to rush back to Washington to save the economy.”  And so it made me feel puny.  So I said, “OK, Senator, do what you have to do.  Rush right back to Washington.” And then I hung up and I felt like a patriot. I felt like I had done my part. And he was supposed to be on the show like an hour later. So now, we’re in a hole but everybody has to pull together in economic hardship times. So we all pull together and we get that guy with the big head from MSNBC. What’s his name? Keith Olbermann, yeah.  Giant head. So he comes over. He’s good. He’s very good. So now it turns out, not only did he not rush back to Washington, he spent the night here in New York City. He went on Katie Couric…he was on Conan…he was on Regis…he was everywhere. So now, in an attempt to save his campaign, they’re talking about coming back. You see what I’m saying? So we said, “Sure, we would love you to come back.” And even on the phone, he said, “I’ll bring….Sarah.” But they’re being squirrely. Politicians can be squirrely.  Because we have a date picked. We do this show every afternoon at 5:30. He wants to do the show at 5.  So one –- we have no guarantee he’s going to show up, period. And we’ve kind of already rearranged our schedule on his behalf to save the economy, right? By getting that big-headed kid in here to talk about the politics. You know what I’m driving at?  I just don’t know if we can trust him. And by the way, I don’t need to remind you that the road to the White House runs right through here."

-- Kate Aurthur 

Comments

[Dave]

I have to admit I have always liked watching David Letterman going way back when he jumped on the wall with the velcro suit, but in the past few weeks he has changed my opinion permanently. The "great moments in presidential speeches" never bothered me (I thought it was one of the funniest skits on the show) but his past comments and his nastiness veiled by "humor" is not funny to me. It is amazing in such a short time I see a person I used to like to someone I can not stand watching. If they cancelled his show (which I am sure would not be immediate), it would not bother me. He has lost this once very loyal viewer.

[Ken]

Letterman harassed Oprah for months to get her on the show. If he'd torment her he's certainly not afraid of McCain.

[joe six pack]

Letterman: WAAAAAHHHH

[DaveS]

Wow... Letterman is more obnoxiously narcissistic than O'Reilly or Olbermann.

[Nic]

Dave needs to make up his mind already. He will whine and cry foul either way. He's acting like a 3 year old child over this. Make up your mind: do you want him on or not?

Dave will still be talking about this 5 years from now. Take it to the bank.

[jibjab]

Who is David Letterman?

Ohh..that's right...a has been.

[unclesmrgol]

Hell hath no greater fury than a Letterman scorned.

[Renee Langley]

Dave really needs to get over this. He's acting like a scorned lover. What a baby.

[Beddgelert]

Does anyone even watch his show anymore?

[URBuddy]

Letterman is nothing like his mentor, Johnny Carson.

[Joe Blow]

David Letteman?

Has been.

Stopped being funny in the late `80s

Doesn`t help if he`s also a bitter hate filled leftist, it`s no way ot endear oneself
to the viewer and probably why he finsihes 3rd behind Nightline.

[RhRobMD]

So the overall message is it's a DAVID LETTERMAN world & the rest of us are just living in it. Good to know it's all about him since he's so important & all.

[760-739-1653]

I have to agree with you Dave. Mr. Letterman isn't even funny when talking about McCain. He's just angry and mean. He surely doesn't care that his audience is from both camps in this election. I have already tuned out and missed these comments.

[metro]

People still watch Letterman? Go figure. Maybe the liberals are right; Americans are really stupid.

[garrito]

Man, this comment board sounds more like Stupid Human Tricks: "Now kids, don't try this at home. We've got some idiot conservatives here who will act like sheep."

[Voice of Reason]

He's milking it for laughs and attention. McCain gave him the opoortunity. Letterman would be foolish not to make full use of it.

[Steely]

Should senile baby killers be guests on the Letterman show? Certainly not.

[Wake Up Please]

Leterman is 100% right to make fun of McCaim.. As most of America agrees, McCain's "I need to stop everything to focus on this crises" ploy was nothing more that bad political theater, further proven that he didn't actually stop everything, he didn't rush back to Washington, and he didn't do any good while he was there.

If McCain's recent actions aren't fodder for a TV comedy show, nothing is.

[ProgressiveFromOregon]

@ Dave, DaveS, Joe Six, oh hell, you know who you are:

Let me see if I have this correctly. Letterman is a bitter, hateful, self-centered, narcissistic, has-been baby; oh, yes, one of those DREADFUL, evil liberals as well, who was, publicly, lied to, disrespected and embarrassed by a US Senator hoping to be President.

A person wanting to be our leader. I think we all could agree, we would like our leader to be secure enough and honest enough to be able to deftly and courteously disentangle themselves from a damn TV show without making themselves a laughing stock.

That SHOULD be the tone of the comments about this story. But instead, I see a bunch of bitter, hateful, self-centered, narcissistic babies who typify what is WRONG with this country. Your attitudes are THE reason John McCain thinks he CAN become our President, OUR President, by campaigning on lies, smears and cheap political tricks while telling the voters how little he thinks of them by telling them that's how is going to campaign.

You, sirs, need to grow up. It's time to knock off the immature pettiness, name calling and divisive attacks that typify politics of the right and realize that 30 years of stewardship by the Right has driven this car as far into the ditch as the Right did in the 1930's.

I know this is going to be hard to hear AND accept but, as is said, it you don't learn from history, history will repeat itself; it is going to take a return to modernized, Keynesian practices instead of the failed, unbridled Free Market theory, a bottom-up emphasis rather than failed trickle-down practices and rebuilding of our federal agencies into lean & efficient bureaus instead of expensive, crony enriching out-sourcing feed troughs after the un-democratic backdoor dismantling via underfunding, incompetent appointments and oversight & accountability failures practiced by successive Republican administrations.

You, and the rest of the Right are going to have to realize that the voters, the MAJORITY of the voters, want and now that they have awakened, will DEMAND, the US Govt efficiently, economically and effectively provide services for it's people, honestly and fairly.

The party's over, boys, it's time to act like grownups take care of our parents, grandparents, children and future generations.

[mark]

I see letterman completely different now too. The McCain bit is so lame. So many of my friends have never liked him... I never understood until now. He's such a whiny bit**.

[PLT08 in MPLS]

Keep on it Dave! McCain is a coward who is afraid to take on any issues face to face - even artificial ones - and instead has his wimmins do it for him.

[Blane]

Funny stuff Dave, you have hit the nail on the head.

[LovingIt]

Based on the comments above, there seem to be a lot of whiny McCain supporters here. I thought it was great to see Letterman call out McCain for his lies. Although I supported McCain for President in 2000, and would have supported him in 2004 if he had run for President as either a Republican or a Democrat, I've had enough of his sleazy and reckless conduct in recent months. Too many people have let him get away with too much for too long, largely because people have bought the myth that, after violating aerial protocol and being shot down over North Vietnam, this substandard military officer and pilot was transformed into a "war hero" whose integrity was beyond reproach.

[Cori Briggs]

The incident on the Letterman show just showed McCain to be a complete liar. First, lies about having to RUSH back to Washington to save the country, but instead does multiple interviews in NY with news outlets that he thought would benefit his campaign more. Then he finally makes it to Washington, well after the talks have begun, never makes it to the floor for the talks and does exactly what he accused Obama of being a lacky for doing...McCain PHONED IT IN from an office in Washington. Like we weren't gonna find out?? Th man thinks Americans are stupid. No one would have known about his PHONING IT IN if he hadn't A) Skipped Letterman with a lie B) Accused Obama of being out of touch for PHONING IT IN C)Pretended to suspend his campaign yet he ran 1,300 TV ads during the time of the 'suspension'.....These things made people look harder at what McCain was up to at the time. The man is a has been. Crusty, old, mean, tired, shabby and needs a nap. He lies to cover lies. I gave both candidates a fair shake for a long time but McCain is a shmuck and he's the only one that made me feel that way. His own actons.

[Canadian Who Doesn't Care Who Wins]

So the 90%+ hate (and very similar sounding hate to boot) for Letterman -- is that a NY/LA thing, or is it just that Instapundit linked this and the comments are overrun by Republicans?