‘Dancing With the Stars’: Brooke Burke

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As you recall, fans, Misty May-Treanor withdrew from competition last week after she ruptured her Achilles’ tendon. This meant that no one was eliminated, though we did find out that Rocco DiSpirito would have been sent home if Misty had not pulled out. And it also means that all the scores –- both judges’ and viewers’ -- from last week and this week will feed into the mysterious “DWTS” elimination algorithm tonight.

The stars danced the samba or the tango in this, week four, and it seemed to me that Cloris Leachman and Susan Lucci lucked out by being assigned the tango. Cloris and Corky decided to dial back the zaniness of their performance this week and instead focus on technique –- Cloris even told Corky to push her as far as he could so that she could compete with the very best. The hard work paid off in an intense tango featuring impressive leg raises that even at 15 I could never have done. But let’s be honest, too –- if Cloris had been assigned the much faster, booty-shaking samba, it would have been tougher for her to pull off such a dramatic improvement. In my limited ballroom-dancing experience, I have found that the tango does lend itself to a strong lead –- that is, the male partner can really control the whole thing because so much of it is in hold. By contrast, the samba requires a great deal of side-by-side dancing, so your hips had better be liquid and your musicality had better be perfect. In the end, Cloris and Corky scored a 22/30, including one eight. Their combined score from last week and this week was a 38/60. That’s still a tie for last place, but they have some momentum.

Susan Lucci decided to bring a little Erica Kane to her tango this week, which really wouldn’t have been as effective if she had been assigned the samba. I just don’t see Erica Kane doing the samba. Prison break, yes. Marrying 10 times, yes. Samba, no. Susan also got her partner Tony a bit role on “All My Children,” where he played an injured man on crutches. I thought their tango was good but still suffered a bit from Susan’s tendency to be so precise as to appear tentative (despite technical correctness), but the judges disagreed. Perhaps it’s just that Susan is so small that she doesn’t seem as athletic to me as some of the other women. Len thought it was her best dance yet. Score: 24/30. Combined score: 45/60.

While we’re talking tangos, Lance Bass and Lacey pulled off my favorite dance of the night, one that fit their personality while nevertheless pleasing Len. I admit to having been skeptical at first, mainly because Lance was wearing such heavy eye makeup that I was concerned his vision might be compromised. But he and Lacey, attired in a style you might call “goth prom,” danced a tango that retained all of the traditional elements, despite some modern additions and a song that I didn’t know but which felt reminiscent of Depeche Mode to me. Bruno said that Lance was starting to show himself as a leading man, and Len finally got to use a line about “Sir Dance-a-lot.” Score: 26/30. Combined score: 48/60.

Cody Linley and Julianne were also assigned the tango. Has anyone else noticed that Julianne’s outfits seem to be much skimpier this season? Maybe once she hit 20, the costume people decided it was okay to dress her in traditional ballroom style –- that is, in very little. In contrast, Cody was modestly clad in a bellhop get-up. In rehearsal, Cody continued to have difficulty focusing, so Julianne arranged a videoconference with his high school principal, who reminded him that he used to be a slacker there, too. Apparently, this wisdom was motivational. In the dance, I thought they stumbled a bit here and there, but the judges were pleased with the performance, with Len praising it as Cody’s best dance yet. I didn’t really think that the Dandy Warhols song served the tango particularly well, but so be it. Score: 23/30. Combined score: 44/60.

Now, onto the sambas –- overall, these attracted much more criticism from the judges, who expect much more out of the contestants by week four. First up were Maurice Greene and Cheryl, who were in full-on 1970s disco attire, right down to the Afro wig on Maurice. I was so distracted by the spectacle of their costumes and the disco music that I actually had a hard time focusing on the dance. But the judges weren’t too keen –- they thought it lacked content for this stage of competition and was a little too free-form and imprecise. Maurice and Cheryl always look so crestfallen when they receive poor reviews -– it always seems as if they were expecting better. Score: 20/30. Combined score: 44/60.

The samba would seem to be nicely matched to Toni Braxton and Alec’s skills, in no small part because Toni is in really good shape and wears the skimpy samba outfit well. She looks great, although I suspect some Botox may have restricted her facial range. If that’s true, Toni, I implore you to stop –- you don’t need it. Anyway, something seemed a bit off in their dance at first, and the judges later pinpointed that they’d gotten off the music or out of sync in the early promenade runs. But it got livelier and better as the dance went on, and Carrie Ann praised their sensuality and Bruno their “sugar and spice.” Score: 22/30. Combined score: 44/60.

In rehearsals, Karina felt that Rocco was so worried about his technical skills that he was forgetting to have fun with his samba. Since the samba is a party dance, you know, you want it to be fun. Like you want a party to be fun. Unless you’re looking for an excuse to go home early. To make Rocco have fun, Karina invited his mother to the studio to tell him to shake what his mother gave him. In the performance, Rocco was dressed in a shirt with huge ruffled sleeves, with Karina in a matching ruffled skirt. They looked like parakeets. Their samba was just kind of off in every way the whole dance –- they were out of sync, and Rocco’s musicality was nonexistent. The judges professed affection for Rocco, but the quality of the dance did not impress them. Score: 18/30. Combined score: 38/60.

Like Toni, Brooke Burke was well positioned to look good in a samba outfit. Derek, somewhat oddly, was dressed like a strict schoolteacher. I don’t know what the song was, but it was terrible -– they would have been much better served by traditional samba music. Brooke can really shake her hips…and her shoulders…and her chest. Len didn’t particularly like the “erotic” plot of the choreography, but Bruno thought it was the sexiest samba he’d ever seen, so sexy that he needed a smoke afterwards. Carrie Ann summed up Brooke’s skills nicely –- she has athleticism, grace and sensuality. Score: 26/30. Combined score: 54/60.

The other leading contender this season has been Warren Sapp, but his and Kym’s samba knocked them back a bit this week. In rehearsals, they took a field trip to practice capoeira, which, you know, is Brazilian, like the samba. Maybe they should also have gotten waxed. While the judges said the dance was enjoyable to watch (which I agree with), they felt there was too little content and that, as Bruno said, they “took it too easy” (which I also agree with). Warren mostly grooved around while Kym did lots of gyrations. Score: 22/30. Combined score: 47/60.

My best guess is that Rocco will be going home tonight. Any dissenters? One thing I’m excited about is that tonight will see the return of the Ballroom Kids competition. Wahoo! I love those kids! As long as they’re not being exploited, that is! And next week there will be four totally new dances introduced -– the hustle, the West Coast swing, the jitterbug, and the salsa. Exciting times, people.

-- Sarah Rogers