‘America’s Next Top Model’: U-S-A! Am-ster-dam!

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Who would have thought that ‘America’s Next Top Model’ would make me a real American? Since I live in a big city I thought that rendered me what some political folk would call a ‘fake American,’ but I felt nearly jingoistic after tonight’s episode of ‘Top Model.’ I didn’t want to see foreigners lose so badly even during the Olympics. But really, aren’t Elina Ivanova and Marjorie Conrad (whose bios say on Wikipedia that their hometowns are Seattle and San Francisco, respectively) the most annoying pair on ‘America’s Next Top Model’ in recent memory? Basically, the other contestants get sick of those two whining and moaning about every little insecurity, so Elina and Marjorie accuse them of not understanding what it’s like to be European. ‘Haven’t you lived here since you were 8?’ Samantha Potter asked (which was awesome), and then Sheena Sakai weighed in with a few points of her own that could probably get her elected president. Elina, caught in her own ridiculousness, acted as if Sheena had said that she thought Stalin was a pretty decent guy. Aren’t there, like, a lot of foreign models who work in the States? Do they all bawl before they get on the catwalk during fashion week? I can understand if a few do, but not most of them, I bet.

So, out of spite I wanted either Elina or Marjorie to be eliminated on tonight’s episode so that neither one would have the smug satisfaction of claiming home turf during the Amsterdam trip (which seems like a cool place to visit, but is not a major center of fashion that I know of). I’m sure that they both will display tons of irritating frustration during the various challenges and yet nail them (as Marjorie did with her quirkily adorable CoverGirl commercial), but I didn’t want Joslyn Pennywell to go. I grudgingly admit that Marjorie is a pretty great contestant and Elina is beautiful, but I really LIKED Joslyn, even though I really didn’t need to see her vomiting right before the CoverGirl ad challenge.

Speaking of which, it was the most successful CoverGirl commercial challenge in the history of the universe. Both Analeigh Tipton and Sheena totally nailed their commercials. Marjorie’s, as I said, was completely her, Samantha’s was adorably tomboyish and even the ‘bad’ ones were pretty good (yes, they had a teleprompter). The camera totally loved McKey Sullivan, even if she was pretty dead live.

I’m still having a hard time deciding who I want to win this competition, but I think now I’m going to cheer against Irina. I’m trying to make a joke here about how if she decides to flee back to Russia it’s just a hop, skip and a jump away from Alaska, but I’ll let you make your own.

-- Claire Zulkey

(Photo of Marjorie courtesy The CW)