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‘90210’: And Kelly’s baby daddy is ...

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Just spit out the freakin’ name!!

As Nat is my witness, that’s what I yelled at my TV when, for the gazillionth time during last night’s episode, someone in a scene with Kelly (Jennie Garth) referred to the father of her son as him/your ex/Sammy’s dad. There had already been weeks of vague clues and speculation about the 4-year-old’s paternity. It was time to get on with it already. And then -- finally, thankfully -- there was a freakin’ name and it was ... Dylan.

Of all the guys Kelly had history with in high school -- not a small number, mind you, just one of the hints dropped in last week’s episode -- the selfish, sideburned bad boy, the product of an absentee father himself, was really the only satisfying option. Steve Sanders, though a curly-topped blond like Sammy, had proven during the original ‘90210’ that he could and would step up when eventual wife Janet got pregnant with daughter Madeline. And Brandon, as we were reminded earlier in this week’s episode, is ‘a good, good egg.’ Dude never would’ve skipped out on a shift at the Peach Pit, let alone his own kid.

But even more rewarding than the big reveal was how it unfolded: in the West Beverly High parking lot. In the black of night. During a heated confrontation between former frenemies Brenda (Shannen Doherty), the girlfriend Dylan had cheated on more than 15 years before, and Kelly, the one he had cheated with. Kelly was already worked up over a conversation she’d had with her new, 10-years-younger lovah, Ryan (Ryan Eggold) -- who’d spent the hour fishing for information about Sammy’s dad and, ultimately, intimacy with Sammy’s mother -- when she accused Brenda of loose lips. But Brenda, who’d admirably gone out of her way to divulge, like, nothing, wasted little time in calling Kelly out on the real issue while simultaneously dropping the D-bomb: ‘You are never gonna be happy with someone else because you’re still in love with Dylan.’ She said it coolly, confidently, with the clear implication that she herself so was not. Somewhere along the way, after she departed the original ZIP code for the stages of London, Brenda went and got all mature. Like, to the point where she can now baby-sit Kelly and Dylan’s kid without so much as arching a perfectly groomed brow. Cool trick. That or Ms. Walsh really has become an incredibly convincing actress.

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Though the original 90210’ers were embroiled in buzz-worthy drama, several of the newbies still are not. Take, for example, ex-couple Naomi (AnnaLynne McCord) and Ethan (Dustin Milligan). Still reeling from her dad’s infidelity, she convinces the lacrosse star, who’s made a date with Annie (Shenae Grimes), to drop everything so he can sit in the car while she confronts Dad’s mistress alone at a Beverly Hills boutique. By the end of the episode, the dull duo have decided to give their relationship another shot, either because of an ‘impenetrable bubble’ they alone inhabit or some ridiculous purple monkey hat from the L.A. Zoo -- I wasn’t quite sure. But here’s an interesting question: How long until Naomi, who complained she looked high in the family’s Christmas card pix, pulls a Marissa Cooper and overdoses in Tijuana?

What did you think of tonight’s episode? Was it just me or was Annie unnecessarily snotty about Dixon’s (Tristan Wilds) new Peach Pit gig? Will Lori Loughlin ever be given anything to do? And what about that Donna Martin shout-out from Brenda?

-- Shawna Malcom

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