‘The Hills’: Audrina puts Lo in her place

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If Audrina’s name was Baby, I’d get to whip out the classic ‘Nobody puts Baby in a corner.’

But since it’s not, I’ll say this: Turns out Audrina’s tougher than we thought.

Because, though his argument is persuasive, I disagree with Jon Caramanica’s take on Lo. He’s great, she’s not. In fact, Lo serves as only yet another example of Lauren’s poor taste in company.

Let’s review LC’s history: Heidi, turned Jennifer Bunny on to Brody while Lauren was seeing him. Bunny and Brody, ‘nuff said. Former flame Jason, can’t handle his alcohol. Unrequited love interest Stephen, chose Kristin over Lauren. My favorite new villainess Stephanie? Girl’s just getting warmed up!

Whitney, obviously, is exempt since she seems to be much more of a work friend, more of Lauren’s walking, talking diary than anything else.

Enter Lo, the perfect cheerleader for LC, calling her ‘pretty’ at least once an episode and reassuring all of her tastes in friends and men. Unfortunately for Lo, this makes her one weak villain.

And then there’s Audrina. It’s no secret that LC’s friendship woes are of little importance to this blog these days. But Audrina gave us hope that maybe she had finally chosen correctly. Had Lauren’s luck changed when Audrina became her roommate? Was she finally demonstrating some good judgment? Yes. Remember, Audrina basically chose Lauren when Heidi attempted to rekindle their friendship. We never saw Heidi hanging with Audrina after LC stomped out those flames.

Lo went and ruined it all. Quietly. And with little fanfare.

Sure, during last night’s fourth season premiere of ‘The Hills’ we viewers saw Lo help Lauren throw a birthday party for Audrina, a seeming olive branch. But then she got a glimpse of Audrina’s friends and dismissively said to the birthday girl, ‘Well, we’re just going to have to enjoy the company that comes.’ Sorry, Mr. Pink Mohawk. You and your pierced, leather-jacketed friends are just not Lo’s type. You kind of scared her. She spent the entire party in her bedroom.

Real villains would have thrown in some tears. Maybe pushed Audrina in the pool. Lo? She sulks off to play with her puppy.

After that winning effort, LC ordered Lo to make amends and Lo entered Audrina’s guest house (for the first time after all of her ‘effort’) and had the nerve to say: ‘I feel like we’ve tried and you haven’t given very much back to us.’

Thankfully for all of us, Audrina didn’t feel like hearing much more. For someone so quickly described as ‘vapid’ and ‘blank’ by ‘Hills’ watchers, she sure has Lo’s number: ‘I don’t feel like I click with you. I feel like I’m always on the outside ... I feel like there’s an attitude. I just go by vibes and tension and energy people put off. And now I’m to the point where I really don’t feel like overly trying anymore.’

And then she takes a final swing, cutting Lo and her excuses off midsentence. ‘I don’t care. We’ll never be friends.’

*Ding, ding* That’s the sound of Round 1 going to Audrina.

As for the night’s other players:

Doug:Now there’s vapid incarnate. We’re not sure what she likes about him except for maybe that he ordered a beer, and that signaled to her that he was a ‘guy’s guy.’ We know he’s going to betray Lauren already. Maybe his way will be interesting. Stephanie’s involved, so we’re hopeful.

Holly: Heidi’s little sister’s very presence is sending Spencer off the deep end. One ‘Hollywood makeover’ later and she’s planning on moving in with the on-again-off-again pair.

Those devious series producers didn’t give us any Stephanie last night, but we can be patient. She’s fully wrested away the super villain crown from the now tiresome Spiedi. See Lo? If you were half the villain She-Pratt is, I’d be your biggest fan.

-- Denise Martin