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‘American Idol’ Banter: Sayonara, Syesha

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Sometimes, things turn out just like you thought they would. That new program manager you thought was flirting with you over at the water cooler asks you out. You cut out carbs and lose 5 pounds. Keeping the Tater Mitts gloves you bought after watching that infomercial and treating Mom to a pedicure instead guarantees you a happier Mother’s Day. And the two ‘American Idol’ finalists everyone was betting on, at least since the moody and glorious Carly Smithson felt the blade a month ago, are indeed battling for the crown next week.

David Archuleta and David Cook -- the clean teen versus the Bed Head by TIGI-coiffed rocker -- should make for a final round marked by big notes and bitten lips. Both young fellows looked kinda sick after learning they’d be going on, in contrast to departing Syesha Mercado, who kept her Miss World smile frozen in place as she delivered yet another pitch-perfect, stylish performance, reprising ‘If I Ain’t Got You’ by Alicia Keys.

In her hometown visit, her dad bravely reminded the world that he’d struggled with drugs and alcohol, and suddenly, we all remembered -- Syesha’s not part-robot because she’s evil, but because she’s been holding it together as her family’s struggled for God knows how long.

Darn! We should have voted for you, girl. Instead we’re stuck with gosh-monger Archuleta and shrug-meister Cook, who announced last night that he’d never even meant to try out for ‘Idol’ -- he just did it, apparently, to torment his poor younger brother, Andrew, who had dragged him along to the auditions for moral support. Poor Andrew! There’s a place for you dude, in your bro’s future. It might be on the roadie bus, but you’ll still get to meet plenty of hot girls. And direct them toward David.

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Okay, I’m being flip now. It will be a great final: historic, thrilling, et cetera. In truth, I have no idea how next week will shake down. It could be utterly predictable; it could be a train wreck.

One scary possibility is that David the Younger will collapse completely under the force of David the Elder’s gale force alternative-rock attack. Another, perhaps more likely, possibility is that the finale will radiate toxic cognitive dissonance -- these two strivers are so fundamentally different that a competition between them seems almost ridiculous. Until now, a buffer existed between them, but next week, this season’s multiple-personality disorder will be on full display, as the ‘Star Search’ paradigm collides with that of ‘Rock Star: Supernova.’

But then, that’s a lot like the entertainment business these days: increasingly decentered, full of weird success stories, and strangely, sadly devoid of the unifying power that once made music culture a force for change. ‘Idol’ really is a mirror, it turns out, though not a very heartening one into which to gaze. But more on that next week. For now, it’s time to brush up on my inspirational soft-rock ballads and anthemic post-grunge anthems. I have a feeling next week is going to turn out just like I thought it would.

P.S.: A special thanks to Fantasia Barrino for reminding ‘Idol’ viewers what musical excitement looks and sounds like with her fiery, funky rendition of ‘Bore Me (Yawn),’ from her last album. Unpredictable, raw, dangerously close to chaotic, Fantasia’s performance recalled how the best music on television once felt -- like something breaking through the screen. Simon, of course, looked horrified. Thank goodness he wasn’t a judge at Janis Joplin’s audition.

-- Ann Powers

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