'The Hills': With friends like these ...

Audrina may not be the sharpest tool, but does she really need a “friend” like Lauren?

Lauren may get to narrate “The Hills,” but I think I speak for everyone when I say the series has turned on our fair narrator, who has reverted to a sniffling, green-eyed high schooler this season. (In fact, we’re going back to calling her by her high school nickname, LC, from now on.)

So without further ado, an open letter to LC …

LC, It’s time to move on. Heidi has. (And what kind of world are we living in when Heidi is the grown-up one?) We’re over LC vs. Heidi.

How is it fair for you, LC, to befriend Stephanie, sister of your sworn enemy Spencer, who once confronted you in a nightclub in defense of her brother, but Audrina can’t reunite with Heidi? I smell a hypocrite in these hills.

What’s worse, it seems as though everyone else around you is evolving. Heidi is Ms. Female Empowerment. Stephanie, our favorite “Hills” informant, sailed her olive branch over to you while letting Spencer crash in her apartment. Whitney matriculated from Teen Vogue (albeit to more grunt work). Brody got himself a new steady. Spencer’s giving Heidi her space (for the most part). Even Justin -- “It’s time to get my priorities straight” -- Bobby has given up the belching, started showering and has gotten a new ’do.

They all make you rather dull in your 24-hour Heidi hate. Not just dull, but downright bratty. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only viewer who threw her pillow (or, ya know, something) at her TV set when you started moaning -- “Will you kidnap me please?” “Oh my god, I need to leave this table immediately,” -- after Heidi squeezed into your table at Goa.

After Audrina caught up with Justin Bobby on a friend-date, your first question to her was “Did he burp in your face?” Not very friend-like. You followed that up with, of course, “Seems like you and Heidi are friendly again.” Yikes.

And now that Heidi has soiled your pad by hanging with Audrina in it for a few moments last week, you want to move out? Into a house? Oh sure, you say you’re bored by your West Hollywood apartment. And yes, you did get that spanking new job as model-herder for People’s Revolution. (But seriously, Mama and Papa Conrad, you're too kind.)

Why is poor Audrina in your cross hairs? Sure, you asked her to move in with you and Lo, but not before you harped all over her “dirty” boyfriends behind her back and told Lo how much fun it would be to continue doing so when you both are her roommates.

Looks like someone other than Justin Bobby needs to get their priorities straight.

--Denise Martin

(Photo courtesy AP)

Comments

[checked out]

p.s. not only is it fake (thanks for whoever pointed it out), but real people time, it's delayed. they tape it way in advance...so who cares about the lame drama. it's done and over with...and it's entertaining to watch ;)

[DoodleWhore.com]

Excellent analysis! I've doodled mine: http://doodlewhore.blogspot.com/2008/04/hills-deconstructed-hills-have-eyes.html

[Judy]

Lauren only wants to keep her distance to Heidi, whereas Heidi seems to want to cause drama wherever she goes. Let's not forget the episodes with Heidi spurring Jen Bunney to go after Brody when she knew Lauren had a crush on him (and this happened back when Heidi was still friendly with Lauren), spreading - or ok'ing Spencer to spread - sex tape rumors of Lauren, or trying to make fun of Lauren and Jason having dinner together.
I would not want anything to do with a person who calls herself a friend while doing these types of things. At least Jen Bunney had the gut to apologize for her actions, whereas Heidi doesn't admit to doing anything wrong when it's all been seen on tv! As for Stephanie, what has she done wrong so that Lauren shouldn't talk to her? The feud with Heidi is based on a friend betraying your trust multiple times, not on going out (or being blood relative) with an icky guy.

[Whydon'tIjustgetahobby]

I do think it's time to get over it. Possibly also time for me to stop watching this show and study, like a normal human being. BUT Stephanie has never actually hurt Lauren, whereas Heidi has. So Lauren is free to be mad, just like--we all know--Heidi will be mad at Stephanie. Neither has gotten over it. If Heidi's making any friendly overtures, it's because she's at least smart enough to know whatever quasi-fame she currently has depends on her being in the same frame as Lauren.
However, Lauren should give Audrina more credit, and jesus, more freedom. Also, why does Lo hate Audrina? Because she totally does.

[chachacha]

i love the hill as much as anyone else.
but damnnn people..
get a life outside the tv.

[Kayla]

I agree with Nan

[ANDY]

EVERYBODY GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Keyki]

Um, what about Heidi getting mad with Stephanie about hanging out with Lauren?? How can you say Heidi grew up, she still thinks she can put Spencer on "relationship vacation". Why do people want to hate on Lauren? Be 23 in Hollywood with the world at your finger tips, shes not nearly as bratty and spoiled as some of those other girls out there.
Lauren, keep doing you, its got you this far, just imagine where it will take you next!

[hahaha]

"Uhm, newsflash....the show is fake........scripted......not real.......you might as well publish an open letter to Gargamel for harrassing the Smurfs."

GARGAMEL!!!! Now that's funny!!!

[Samantha]

Go Team Lauren! In real life, Heidi is STILL talking trash about her. for the most part, Lauren has kept her mouth shut in real life. You can complain about how they edit the show all you want... but saying that Heidi is anything REMOTELY feminist is offensive. Heidi makes me sick.

Yes, Lauren should probably be a little nicer to Audrina... but if my friend kept going back to a jerk of an ex, I would be brutally honest with her too.

Befriending Stephanie is NOT the same thing as befriending Heidi.

[Amanda]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING IT LIKE IT IS! IT'S TIME FOR MTV TO FIND A NEW STAR OTHER THAN BORING OLD LAUREN! TEAM AUDRINA AND HEIDI AND WHITNEY!

[Cat]

Does anyone read The Real Estalker (http://realestalker.blogspot.com/search?q=Lauren+Conrad)? Lauren bought a house around the first of January. I understand that Lauren, Lo and Audrina have already moved in together. I enjoy The Hills for what it is: a look at lives that most of us will never lead. Don't take this so seriously!

[A]

In no way does Lauren ever need to get over it, nor move on. If someone spread nasty rumors about your downtown situation all over the internet, well, there's no forgiving for that. I hope Heidi and Spencer get what they deserve because thanks to them and Perez Hilton, "beef curtains" will always hold a special place in our hearts. (whether we like it or not)

[rachel]

sorry im going to have to disagree with you. how hasnt lauren conrad evolved? she is purchasing a new home, started her own clothing line, & is continuing to go to school. if it werent for lauren, heidi, spencer, audrina would be nobodys. & why should lauren become friendly with heidi when her boyfriend started a sex tape rumor about her that she was aware of? justin bobby i believe is wanting more camera time, so decided to change his ways. and we all know that heidi and spencer are not taking a "relationship vacation" there photographed everywhere together. the only thing that has changed in their retarded relationship is they dont live together.and how cant spencer see that heidi was willing to dump him if lauren gave her the time of day. im ready for heidi and spencer to be off the hills, no one cares about them.

[Jennifer617]

Are you serious?! Please get some real news!!!! This is such crap!! These girls you are talking about are in their early twenties and they are not legitimate celebrities! Write about something interesting for a change!!!!!!

[thomas]

i love LC, She rules, wish she was my girlfriend and who cares about the article, she grown up already and leave her alone, its only what the camera's want you to believe come on:)

LC the grown up one of them all

she rules:)

[kayla]

wow I can't believe you took the time to write all of that about a show that is prob. 71% real the other half editing....which is what ur seeing "EDITING" im pretty sure LAUREN does not even worry about JUSTIN.....it's just a show sooo ur seeing only a half of a portion of what goes on in there life sooo all you people who want to "HATE" on LAUREN please shut up you sound horrible and you look pathetic because you dont know how she really "really" feels about JUSTIN or HEIDI you only know because of the show's horrible editing which I thought you people would have learned by now...wow im sooo "over" trying to trash somebody i dont know

[gaby]

Get over what?! Lauren isn't the one who is obsessed with rekindling past friendships- THAT WOULD BE HEIDI! The only reason that it's awkward for Lauren to be around Heidi (as we saw last episode when they were all around the same table) was because Heidi was saying things to Justin Bobby like "Oh, well I was friends with Audrina first", and Lauren heard those things. None of you probably know what it's like to be sitting at the same table with someone that you have a feud with and as Lauren said, "I can't just sit there and pretend it's normal", and she's right because it's not. If anyone watches the After Show they would understand what I'm talking about. Clearly whoever wrote this article knows nothing about The Hills. Heidi chose a guy over her best friend and if Lauren feels as if she can't forgive her yet then that's Lauren's decision. If anyone is being childish it's Heidi because she gets mad at Steph for hanging out with Lauren because she's jealous that Lauren won't hang out with her and in return to that, she starts hanging out with Audrina. It was totally out of place for Heidi to go to Lauren & Audrina's place and sit down there for a while and hang out with Audrina and it was also inappropriate of her to even involve Audrina in her drama in the first place because when they first spoke at the club, Audrina even said it herself that she doesn't want to be part of any drama and now she is because of Heidi. LAUREN IS NOT ACTING LIKE A HIGH SCHOOLER, HEIDI IS. The girl has no friends at all, so she's using Audrina to get back to Lauren. We all know that if Heidi and Lauren EVER become friends again that Heidi won't be as close with Audrina as she thinks she is now. Notice how I said thinks. Am I the only one who notices that on the show, Heidi says, "Audrina and I are really close friends now", BUT Audrina says, "Heidi and I are friendly, but we're not really friends or anything"?? So that's that. Lauren is not childish, Heidi is.

[Chloe]

Wait a second, what in the world?
No offense, but do you really believe all that hype in 'The Hills' is true?
Heidi and Spenecer's fight. Does anyone find it coincidental that the minute their 15 minutes of fame were going up, they announced they weren't getting married, yet you never did (and still don't) see one without the other? Even Spencer has admitted to putting on an evil act for the show. I doubt he's actually living with his sister, I think Lauren Conrad is laughing her ass of at you right now.
Also, who finds their perfect home on the first time? Since you work with LA Times, i'm going to assume you know a thing or two about reporting. I remember reading in magazines for weeks that Lauren was looking at home. WEEKS. On the show, they cut it to one day for entertainment purposes. Please.
Also, about Heidi, i'm laughing when you say she's the bigger person. Have you noticed that every time Lauren does an interview with someone, it's about LAUREN and her life, her clothes, etc? She never even mentions Speidi. Yet EVERYTIME Spencer and Heidi to something un-Lauren related, it always turns into something about Lauren. Yes, maturity.
Wow, I really don't know how you fell for this, it's a laugh all right.

[Shai]

Wow... that's one sad article. Seriously, if you don't have anything better to write about than The Hills drama and how you don't approve, then you are a horrible "reporter." People are still watching so it can't be that bad because millions still divulge every Monday night. As a "reporter" you should move on to bigger and better things, if they'll let you, and get over The Hills drama that we all enjoy watching.