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'The Hills': With friends like these ...

Audrina may not be the sharpest tool, but does she really need a “friend” like Lauren?

Lauren Lauren may get to narrate “The Hills,” but I think I speak for everyone when I say the series has turned on our fair narrator, who has reverted to a sniffling, green-eyed high schooler this season. (In fact, we’re going back to calling her by her high school nickname, LC, from now on.)

So without further ado, an open letter to LC …

LC, It’s time to move on. Heidi has. (And what kind of world are we living in when Heidi is the grown-up one?) We’re over LC vs. Heidi.

How is it fair for you, LC, to befriend Stephanie, sister of your sworn enemy Spencer, who once confronted you in a nightclub in defense of her brother, but Audrina can’t reunite with Heidi? I smell a hypocrite in these hills.

What’s worse, it seems as though everyone else around you is evolving. Heidi is Ms. Female Empowerment. Stephanie, our favorite “Hills” informant, sailed her olive branch over to you while letting Spencer crash in her apartment. Whitney matriculated from Teen Vogue (albeit to more grunt work). Brody got himself a new steady. Spencer’s giving Heidi her space (for the most part). Even Justin -- “It’s time to get my priorities straight” -- Bobby has given up the belching, started showering and has gotten a new ’do.

They all make you rather dull in your 24-hour Heidi hate. Not just dull, but downright bratty. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only viewer who threw her pillow (or, ya know, something) at her TV set when you started moaning -- “Will you kidnap me please?” “Oh my god, I need to leave this table immediately,” -- after Heidi squeezed into your table at Goa.

After Audrina caught up with Justin Bobby on a friend-date, your first question to her was “Did he burp in your face?” Not very friend-like. You followed that up with, of course, “Seems like you and Heidi are friendly again.” Yikes.

And now that Heidi has soiled your pad by hanging with Audrina in it for a few moments last week, you want to move out? Into a house? Oh sure, you say you’re bored by your West Hollywood apartment. And yes, you did get that spanking new job as model-herder for People’s Revolution. (But seriously, Mama and Papa Conrad, you're too kind.)

Why is poor Audrina in your cross hairs? Sure, you asked her to move in with you and Lo, but not before you harped all over her “dirty” boyfriends behind her back and told Lo how much fun it would be to continue doing so when you both are her roommates.

Looks like someone other than Justin Bobby needs to get their priorities straight.

--Denise Martin

(Photo courtesy AP)

Comments () | Archives (375)

Heidi being dubbed a feminist hero by Ginia Bellafante not only placed me firmly on Team Lauren, but it also shook the New York Times loose of their death-like grip on the last remaining shreds of their credibility. Honestly, what makes this show remarkable is that people insist on talking about it at such great length -- of course you still care about Lauren vs Heidi; you chose to write a good 500 words about them, sighting past episodes, and offering up quotes and anecdotes like you were gearing up to write a sources sited page.

The Hills is a scripted and heavily edited "spin" on reality. Lauren will stop caring about Heidi when it becomes clear that if she doesn't, it will effect her ratings.

i agree with this article, lauren is a sucky friend. and is so rude to audrina. lauren needs to mind her own business, honestly. LAUREN get over yourself!

I am not advocating for L.C. nor am I saying that the show is any good, but in response to your insinuation that Mama and Papa Conrad are paying for L.C.'s new house, let's just for a moment think about the shitload of money she receives from MTV, other advertisers, her lame clothing line, and every club opening she attends. Hell she can probably afford to buy a new Hollywood Hills house plus keep the apartment. So even if she does not make her money the way you wish she would, she still is not living off her parents. Get it right

I love the drama, but LC needs to either get all new friends or just accept Heidi so everyone can be happy again. Granted, that would sort of kill the drama on the show, but if you keep lame Spencer around, you can still get giggles from watching him squirm. LC, Heidi can't help that she's insecure - she just wants your friendship back, or at least a little love. Sure, it can be nice to move on from a tough friendship, but you know you're going to see each other all over LA and I think it's safe to say that your viewers won't think much less of you if you are actually *gasp* nice to Heidi. She's a weiner, but so are you. Love each other.

First of all, calling a Heidi a symbol of feminism makes me sick to my stomach. As in her real life she is currently parading around staging photo ops with Spencer. This "space" plot line is nothing more then a plot line. Second, while Lauren's friendship with Stephanie seems hypocrital, I have to defend Lauren's decision to befriend Stephanie and not Heidi. Heidi was clearly involved with Spencer in spreading sex tape rumors about Lauren. I'm sorry, it is unforgivable. Heidi practically admitted it to all outlets except the on The Hills. MTV had to put a gag order on Spencer and Heidi because of all the trash sex tape talking they were doing. So yes go Lauren and continue to keep Heidi out of your life. She is bad news. Now the last piece, Audrina. Here is where I agree with everyone else. Be kind to your friends and treat them well.

Team LC all the way! I love LC, she is the mature one. People like you are the ones who are keeping Speidi's 15 minutes of fame alive! So PLEASE stop giving any attention to these two douche bags & let them disapear like most of us wish they would!

I like Lauren very much. I agree that she should at least be civil with Heidi in public. Life is way too short. Let your character evolve on the show. Your beautiful Lauren. Dont take a backseat. Lets see you move up. Love -Bluediesel

Don't you people have anything better to report about? Get a REAL job!

Chill out. The reporter you so adamantly scolded doesn't think the Hills is actually an important current event...and I'm also pretty positive she knows a war is going on. This was simply a humorous parody piece that I found to be very entertaining. The truth of the matter is, it's America, not this reporter, that is wrongly obsessed with this T.V. show. She wrote this fake letter BECAUSE America is obsessed with it, and it's hilarious and very true. You're right, these girls are ridiculous, and you don't need to watch it if you don't want to. But no matter what, it's going to show up in a lot of social commentary because sadly, this show is a massive success.

Ok, seriously. It was Lauren's show from the beginning from the Laguna Beach to the Hills. Heidi did everything she could to try to turn it into her spotlight from dating losers to making a big fight out of nothing to talking smack, although pumpkinhead has his hand up her like a puppet. Heidi is disgusting and amoral (did you see the croc tears about her brother, the one she barely mourned unless a camera was involved?). While LC is spoiled and a bit out of touch and needs to do some growing up, she is not the one who is stealing her fame and capitalizing on NOTHING. She actually cares who is around her and what she is doing. Heidi only cares if there are cameras and she can make herself a big talentless victim with zombie hands. I hope she falls on her big horseface in public and we all catch it on whatever show she is being pimped out on at the time. Her parents must be so ashamed to see how she turned out when they seem like such nice people. Spencer's must be mortified he even exists.

Why are you criticizing the blogger about writing about The Hills instead of the war when you obviously had to click this link and read it to know what she was even talking about in the first place? If you have such a problem with someone writing about The Hills, a) don't watch the show and b) don't read a blog about it!

P.S. It's not real.

Stephanie has no choice in who her brother is! Heidi chooses to diss her friends to be with a loser creep and now that she is finally realizing how much of a douche he is she thinks she can go running back to the people that she dropped for him UM NO. Lauren has every right to not want to be her friend any more. GO Lauren who needs friends like this! Thank God she has LO her only true friend

Heidi and female empowerment do not go hand in hand. I can see how if someone only watched the show and didn't read US Weekly or People magazine might get that impression because Heidi sure seems like she has her head on straight, when in reality she and Spencer are together, selling their pics to mags, and love the publicity they receive. If Audrina gets back together with Justin Bobby I'll throw up. And if she does then I don't want to hear about it or hear her proclaim (while crying), "I'm done", ONE MORE TIME. Justin Bobby was a pig the first time they were together, the second time they were together (which is the version we have seen on the show before) and now this, the third time, which is what the reporter is talking about. I think if the reporter had watched "The Hills" from the beginning until now she would have a better understanding of what's going on and wouldn't view it the same way.

Thank GOD somebody has called it how they see it. Lauren is a bratty little girl, with nothing but negative things to whine about, standing still while everyone around her is growing. Boo to LC.

Okay, it's this simple. I work very hard throughout the week. When I come home to watch some "good" tv all I want is mindless nonsense to keep me entertained for a while. That's all I want or need from "The Hills". Sure, the girls have yet to grow up but if I wanted to watch grown women act like jerks I'd watch "The View". See my point? Nothing's as good as the dramz in the Hollywood Hills.

I totally agree with Kyran. Heidi asked for space and Spencer gave it to her. Also, what Heidi and Spencer did to Lauren should not be forgotten.

This article says what I have been thinking for SO long. Lauren needs to grow up and get over it! She is nothing special AT ALL, yet she acts like she is god's gift. She clearly is an insecure attention whore who can't handle it if things don't go her way. I cringe everytime she opens her mouth on that show. Every week that the show airs, I wish that "I hate an I hate LC blog" existed so I could post all of my thoughts bc she NEEDS TO KNOW what an awkward loser she is. And she has no talent- her internsip, fashion line- she can thank MTV for that. She wouln't have any of it otherwise. Also- I think it's hilarious how she has continued to be Whitney's bitch in whatever "job" she has. Good work Lauren. You suck

First of all, this "Open Letter to LC" is just a waste of time. If you like reality so much than try to think of it this way, you are seeing into the window of these people's lives for 20 minutes, ONCE a week. And you're only seeing what the producers want you to see. Now I don't know about you but my life goes 24/7 12 months out of the year. Come on people, where is your perspective? My assessment in the 20 minutes was LC seemed okay with Heidi sitting at the table until Heidi started flapping her big ol' attention getting gums about Lauren. Who needs enemies with a friend like that? As for Justin Bobby...he kissed another girl in front of Audrina and if a guy did that to one of my friends...I sure as hell wouldn't like him either.
Let's not forget that Spencer openly admitted on camera, that he was trying to get Lauren out of Heidi's life...and he succeeded. And the fact that he did, doesn't say much about Heidi.
No I'm still team LC all the way, even though her reality isn't really the reality we see for that 20 minutes.
Seriously Denise...get real.

Wendy, I completely agree with you!!

I think everyone needs to "grow up" in this show... and lets not forget it's still called a reality SHOW. There's always some fake drama, but it's fun to watch. Period. Why else would you watch it!? Plus, I really think Heidi needs to stop talking "bad" about Lauren... If she really wants to be friends with her again, why is she talking about her when she sits right next to her!? Seriously, bad move! I'm more and more surprised by Stephanie from show to show. I really start to like her, she's the perfect example of being friends with both, Lauren and Heidi, trying to understand each point of view.

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