'American Idol' Tracker: Seeking closure with Carly Smithson

Letting go is hard to do. Thursday night, I talked with Carly Smithson by phone from the "Tonight Show" dressing room, hoping that she could put things in perspective. And indeed she did. The transcript of our conversation follows.

Q:  How are you today?

C: I’m good. Thank you.

Q: So what has today been like for you?

C: Very strange. Just exhausting. It's very strange coming off of the Idol bubble down to the ground and I guess going out to the real world and experiencing that.

Q: Tell me about the dinner. (Note: Each week after the elimination show, the contestants traditionally share a farewell meal in honor of the eliminee.)

C: We didn’t really have it.  We had it at CBS and it was very quick. They were going to cancel it but the producer knows how much I love it and as soon as they heard it was me that was leaving, they reorganized it. It was actually just in our holding room upstairs and there was some friends and family.  It was very quick. But fun.

Q What was the mood?

C: Everyone was very happy. I didn’t want anyone to be upset for me. I’m not that kind of person. I just want to go out with my head held high and let everyone know that I enjoyed every minute.  It was a very great experience and I have no sadness in me. Top six is a huge achievement in my book.

Q: You’ve made a lot of fans.  Our site is exploding with people leaving nice comments about you.

C: It’s so nice to hear that.  We’re in our wee bubble and don’t know what people are saying.

Q: That’s what I wondered.  How much do you know of what people are saying?

C: Not much. I tried to ask friends and family to just keep it to themselves because obviously everybody reads everything and I didn’t have a computer, I chose not to, because I didn’t want to be tempted to look at anything. I heard little bits and bobs, but I tried to keep it to an opinion in knowing what was out there. I wanted to have my own opinion of myself and not somebody else’s opinion of myself. But unfortunately, Simon has one of the largest opinions.

Q: Did everyone choose not to look?

C: I have no idea, everyone had laptops, Everyone was usually on YouTube researching their songs and all that but I have no idea who was looking at what.

Q: I felt watching you that there was a very intense emotional journey, having had your experience with entertainment, then moving away and then coming back, it seemed like you were savoring this so much more than the others even.

C: I know. It did. It meant the world to me. I will cherish every moment that I had.  It was a bit strange in the past but I think I learned a lot in everything that I experienced and I definitely learned a lot on "Idol." It’s a very strange show, and a very great show also, but obviously it's not the norm.
You do learn a lot very fast and you have to learn a lot very fast because it's that instant fame and being judged like that every week, it’s a bit different.

Q: How did you learn to absorb that?

C: I think you just do. (Laughs). I’m not sure you have  a choice.  I think you just stand out there and you get kind of used to it.  Every week I went out there and I did the best I could. Sometimes I was so nervous than others. But I know the last two weeks I thoroughly enjoyed everything I did and I know that "Superstar" was my most comfortable. No — come to think of it — "Come Together" was pretty comfortable.  And everything before "Blackbird." As soon as he (Simon) started just being mean, it just threw me off, because it really wasn’t encouraging at all, even though he has said that he likes me, but it just didn’t seem very encouraging.  It just seemed -- I don’t know, maybe if he had worded everything a little differently because I understand what he was trying to do. He was trying to push me to do my best.

Q; What's the feeling when you work so hard on a song for a week and you really feel like you’ve done your best and you get a lukewarm response from Simon?

C: It’s actually really funny. Sometimes we watch everybody on the show. We as contestants all support each other and if somebody’s really good it will be obvious in the green room that everybody feels the same way. It’s just kinda strange when the judges don’t like it.  We’ve all been like it was so touching. We try and help each other each week.  It is a little bit weird. But I definitely took everything that they said, and I feel that they are there to help you and not just to be mean. It’s all a learning experience, they are there to help you and they mean it in the best way but sometimes in the moment we might pick what they are saying up wrong.

Q: How do you handle the song choice question, with so much to balance, so many things you have to think about, having to be original, but not to do something too obscure, to find your voice but not be self-indulgent?

C: I know, isn’t it fun? (laughs) I don’t know, you just do. Sometimes people choose not even to listen to anything they say, some people use it as a tool to aid them in the future. I just tried to take everything in that they said and understand that it wasn’t necessarily a mean thing and it was something to learn from and to grow from.

Q: You seem to have gotten a lot more confident since the beginning of the Top 24.

C: Yeah, my recap video was pretty funny. You could definitely see the change.

Q: How have you changed?

C: I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned a lot about who I am and who I don’t want to be.

Q: And who don’t you want to be?

C: I don’t know. I just learned a lot about not being insecure and having confidence and holding my head up high. I think my final night kind of said it all for me, I just had a smile on my face. I didn’t want to be the sad person who was bitter.

Q: It almost looked like you were comforting the others.

C: I know! I was like, it’s OK. Yeah, they’re a good bunch. And we all made amazing friends with each other and the tour’s going to be ridiculous. I just wanted to go out on a good night. I didn’t want to be sad and upset. I feel that moment when you get eliminated is a very important moment and you can steer it two ways and I wanted to steer it in a positive direction and make sure I used that moment to thank everybody who has been involved in keeping me there for so long.

Q: You seemed like the den mother to the group.

C: I was! I was always making sure they were all good.  But I still will be, I’m only a phone call away.  And it's only two weeks until I see them all again. We start rehearsing for the finale, then there’s a week off then a week later we start rehearsing for the tour, so I’m not really going to be home that much. It was kind of a cool time to go out, you know? I feel anything after Top 10 is awesome because you get to go on tour.  But I feel Top 6 is nothing to be upset about. I feel that I did my best and there’s not really any regrets that I have about anything.

Q: Tell me how you see your career going from here?

C: I would like to make a record, obviously, and just be creative and start writing as soon as possible.

Q:  Would you want to write the whole record?

C: As much as I possibly can, yeah. I just want to make something that’s really, I like interesting lyrics. I’m not really the sort of person who sings about lollipops and rainbows, but I like songs that have a deeper meaning and something that’s just cool and a little more mature. I don’t want to go down the pop route.

Q: Would it be more of a rocker type album?

C: Yeah, kind of like a little bit pop, but I would never call some of the people who influence me rockers. I listen to a lot of Fleetwood Mac and Pretenders and it's considered rock music but not necessarily rockers. That term is thrown around a bit and I think somebody that has tattoos is all of a sudden a rocker and I don’t think that at heart that’s who I am, but I do like to sing a little bit more of an adult song and I love the power ballads and power notes. I love challenging my voice all the time and seeing just what it can do.

Q: Do you feel, in your relationship with show business — you’ve been through a lot of hard times — that you’ve exorcised some of your demons about it?

C: I feel that leaving it actually helped me. I feel that I had to leave it to love it more. I definitely think that I’m only on the up, I don’t know. I don’t feel any negativity towards what happened to me in the past. I think it was all meant to be. I learned a lot  from it and I move forward with more experience and knowledge than I ever had before, so I’m kinda cool with everything that happened in the past. I think that it made me who I am right now.

-- Richard Rushfield

(Photo courtesy of Fox)

Comments

[Hoku]

GREAT interview. Thank you so much Richard and Carly. Her voice is of one that has lived, and it has such richness. I can't wait to hear her record. Carly is not only intelligent, but carries herself with poise and strength.

[www.gastronomiaphils.blogspot.com]

it was really sad to see carly go...i mean she was one of my bets to see on the fnal 3...eventhough she didn't make it, she still knows how to "rock"

[hardrock101]

Carly was one of my favorite singers this year. She has a powerful clear sounding voice and for sure better than some of the remaining contestants. I think she should have finished even lower but she has a great attitude in that making as far as she did...she has nothing at all to feel bad about. Even thoug she does not consider herself a rocker, her style and that of the other female that got voted off earlier, unfortunately dont get the votes they deserve because the people that listen and like it obviously dont watch American Idol because to the "cool" people its kinda cheesy. But to Carly and all the other great non-bubblegum singers I say..keep on rocking in the free world. Ashame cheesers like David Archeletta get all the votes because all that's sitting at home are teenie boppers.

[carly]

it was realy sad to see carly go but she had/has a good attutide about it which inspires me. i cant wait to get a record she makes

[Kim]

I can't wait for Carly to put a CD out. I will buy it right away!!!

[Lisa]

I loved Carly from the get go, but shortly fell in love with many others as well. In my mind, Jason should have gone. Carly did work hard and sang much better than some that were left at times. I've never been interested in seeing the live idol tour, but because of her and David Cook....I'm going to go.

[amy smithson]

Hey cousin,
I've been bragging about you to all my students, even though we're probably not really related. But Carly, I love your voice and I cried when you left. I haven't done that for a few years (my heart belongs to Clay). Thanks for sharing your beauty and your talent and your joy. You make me want to sing!!

[Alx]

Thank you very much Richard, this girl is simply amazing...she seems very mature and positive, she's a big inspiration for me. I'm her fan for life, and I can't wait to hear that record! I know she'll get it, and I know she'll do very well because it's a genre that we are lacking off.

[Ooze]

YOOOOOOOW....

yeah..
it was shocking to see Carly leaving... coz I really think she deserve to be at least TOP 3.
I'll absolutely buy Carly's Album (^_^)

[The Tas]

Carly has a great powerful voice and is a huge talent. Carly has an image problem and that is what sent her packing. Simon tried to tell her. Long sleeves all the way to cover that hideous tattoo on her arm and keeping her very weird looking tattoo man husband off the air would have helped her immensly. She does not look mainstream and looks like a kook....and her husband is downright scary with all the tattoos on his face. By Carly....its the image honey....not the talent.

[Ian]

I think Andrew Lloyd Webber did her in by forcing her to choose a song that went against her first instinct. She has a gothic look and her first choice would have gone over better. Jesus Christ Superstar isn't that popular anymore and most of the audience don't know the song or identify with them at all. The old fart doesnt know whats good and was lost in his own ego. Poor Carly. SHe deserved better.

[Pam Terry]

Carly deserves to be there, as well as Michael Johns. Those two should be in the bottom four. They can definitely sing better than the other two we all know should not be there. I thought this show was about the best singer, but I guess not.

[marissa]

She should have made it to the top 3 at least.

[cheryl]

Carly was my fav for the girls pick! I am really shocked to see her go!! I can't believe it. If it were a more mature group voting...I'm sure she would have been safe. I know it will be a guy to win this year because it was a girl last year so I'm pretty sure David Cook will get it. But then I was sure Carly would be one of the last two. Who knows..but Carly has a wonderful voice and I will buy anything she puts out! The luck of the Irish!!!!!

[Gabriella Sannino]

She was fabulous!! but it goes to show you who is voting. Kids!

[non-american]

It is so pathetic that Carly is leaving! American voters do not know how to judge! Honestly, she has always been one of the top performers and real singers! There are some people who can not even sing still on the show! How pathetic! Carly, show them how it is like to be a REAL COME BACK!!!! Carly, listen
in the past, you did not have any fans that was one of the main reasons your label failed. Now, look at your fans - millions of people! That is exactly what you needed! Now, make a GREAT album and SHOW other wanna-be "singers" in AI what real singers can achieve!

[Dev]

I don't know if Carly will every see this, but I hope she does. I'm from India and I know SCORES of people who would watch every week, JUST to listen to you (and Davd Cook). Carly, you have such a huge, strong fan base - and like you, we're not artificial, stupid or here-for-the-fair-weather. You're immensely talented, we could see cracks beginning to surface everytime Simon would criticise. He was being unfair on you, but maybe not - you are capable of taking on that entire stage and then some. We believe in you Carly. Go and do a Daughtry on us, WE LOVE YOU and we're proud that you didn't change into the Barbie that people expect female conestants to be. Be real, we love who you are - tattoos and all.

[cheryl]

Carly don't let it get to you!! You and David Cook should be the last two on that show! You are definitely the best female singer in the group!! I can't believe it!! Hurry up and get a CD out..I will definitely buy it!! :)

[cheryl]

Carly don't let it get to you!! You and David Cook should be the last two on that show! You are definitely the best female singer in the group!! I can't believe it!! Hurry up and get a CD out..I will definitely buy it!! :)

[Cheryl]

She does have a good voice, but it is not enough to make her a success since she is lacking in so many other areas like mainstream appearance, likeability, and genuine humility. Her immaturity is revealed by her saying that Simon started being "mean." She should have taken that constructive criticism to heart as Simon usually says what the rest of America is thinking. If she would have heeded his advice, she might have gone farther. Talking back to him is always something that America doesn't like, and she got the boot for it ultimately as many have before her. She could have placed higher if she would have dressed better, covered up her hideous tatoo, and shut her mouth instead of talking back to the judges. I'm just glad I don't have to look at that ugly thing on her arm anymore. I think, ultimately, she won't sell records again the second time like she didn't the first time, and the tatoo shop and bar will be her regular hangouts. Her 15 minutes of fame are just about up.

[Jezz]

I think from the comments so far, it's obvious she's going to be a huge phenomenon of success. What's interesting is that unlike some of her survivors, her fan's comments are always about enduring aspects. I for one, did not pay much attention to Idol until I happened to hear this brilliant singer. She's here to stay and get bigger and bigger. And the praise she is getting from abroad is indicative of the international career that lies ahead of her.

[Sonsy]

I think Carly has a really great voice and will definitely be a great success. I will surely miss seeing her on American Idol and I wish her all the very best.

[yannel]

It was really sad to see Carly leave. She was and still is my favorite on the show, even if shes not there anymore. I think america got it all wrong. Like randy said " i think that this elimination was based a lot on popularity", and i agree. She has a great voice and i know that we will all hear her on the radio with a new hit album out soon. I love you Calry!

[yannel]

Carly deserves to stay. i cried when she was eliminated and i voted twice for her my self. i cant wait to buy one of her albums! I LOVE YOU CARY!!!!!

[yannel]

I just bought "Jesus Christ Superstar" on itunes! You sound great Carly like always. I cant wait to buy your new cd!