'Dancing With the Stars': Penn, Monica and the Jonas Brothers

There are many impressive things about “Dancing with the Stars.” The bravery of the celebrities. The flamboyant costumes. Moves like the “death spiral.” Samantha Harris’ perfectly defined arms, maintained throughout pregnancy and the postpartum period. But the most impressive thing of all is how ABC manages to use and reuse the same footage to fill four hours of time each and every week.

That isn’t to say there isn’t anything illuminating about watching all of the dances in the recap show, but I’ll just tell you what that was so you can use that hour to solve major problems facing the world, such as Britney Spears. While reviewing the dances, I pondered the question: Is it easier to be the man, who’s supposed to lead but who has less responsibility for overtly fancy moves, or is it easier to be the woman, who can be tossed around by a good male lead but who is expected to twirl, spiral, spin, leap, and so forth? The pros can obviously make up for a great many deficiencies on the part of the stars –- the male pros can assertively direct the movements of the female stars, and the female pros can distract you by whirling, dropping into the splits, and wearing very little. So it’s hard to say which role is tougher. But the point of this little treatise is to say that in watching all of the dances, I saw that the celebrities who did the best job were the men (Jason, Mario) who seemed as if they were truly leading and the women (Kristi and, to some degree, Marlee and Priscilla, with Shannon performing well this week) who managed to pull off the “spectacle” maneuvers with fluency. In other words, the ones who did the same things as the pros. Okay, maybe not such a news flash.

Tonight, Samantha was wearing a rather unfortunate Grecian-style gown that involved bands above and below her bosom. It was very distracting, and I hope that the person in charge of wardrobe will rethink his/her aesthetic for next week. Beyond that, not much about the results show was surprising. Cutting to the chase, Penn and Kym were eliminated, as were Monica and Jonathan. Any other outcome would have been profoundly shocking. I will admit that when we were down to the last two couples on the male side (Penn/Kym and Cristián/Cheryl), my attention momentarily wandered, and when I heard Tom say, “Penn and Kym,” I initially thought this meant that they were continuing. Just before I started breaking stuff, I realized that they meant Penn and Kym were eliminated. Even in defeat, Penn wouldn’t stop talking.

Before Monica was actually eliminated, I worried that she might have a nervous breakdown when the inevitable came to pass. While the last three couples -– Monica/Jonathan, Marissa/Tony and Priscilla/Louis –- were waiting to hear their fates, Monica looked as if she fully expected to hear not just that she was eliminated, but that she had pancreatic cancer and a warrant out for her arrest as well. Marissa looked like a bundle of nerves, and Priscilla looked like she always does. But once it was revealed that, yes, Monica would be going home, she was calm and gracious, and this was further evidence that Tom Petty was right when he said the waiting is the hardest part.

Steve and Anna were the first couple to be “saved,” and you can imagine what Steve thought of this. If you can’t, I’ll tell you –- he’s thrilled because he’s having so much fun and making so many friends, and he’ll work really hard this week on his “musicality, technique, chest, and posture.” Jason remarked that he loves Steve because Steve loves life. Adam heckled the Jonas Brothers (tonight’s guest performers) because one of them has a unibrow like Adam. For you Jonas Brothers fans, they’ll be on Jimmy Kimmel tomorrow. Next week, the guest performer will be Kylie Minogue.

What did you think of the results tonight? And do any of you care to make bold predictions for the future?

-- Sarah Rogers

(Photo courtesy ABC)

Comments

[Mickle]

My suggestion is to PLEASE get a new co-anchor for Tom. That Samantha is totally irritating. Her voice sounds like she is trying to be a man - her questions are mostly inane. Thank heavens for Tom.... he is delightful and saves the show. Love the dancing! Next to go? Marissa and Steve -even though he is such a sweetie. Maybe fans will vote for Adam because of Julianne. BUT she needs to get out and promote her music!

[tsarina]

I like Kristi and hope she makes it to the finals. I enjoyed both her dances. The first reminded me of her skating routines. The second showed me a side I hadn't seen before. It doesn't surprise me that she has gotten high scores from the judges. She had a serious work ethic as a skater and I'm sure she is tackling this new challenge the same way. For the men, I like Christian but I don't think he will go all the way to the finals. As long as he doesn't get eliminated too soon, I will be happy.

Kudos for Monica Seles for being gracious at being the first woman to be eliminated. She is a true champion.

[jtbwriter]

As long as this doesn't disinegrate into another popularity contest like last year, where Marie Osmond almost won just because parlayed her faint into publicity-I'll watch...and hope that the finale ends up Kristy/Jason/Mario. They are the 3 most accomplished and have had the most complete content in their dances. I like Kylie M...it would be great to see what pros dance to her music! One thing-Pricilla Presley is downright creepy with the amount of work she's had done to her face, like a mask. I hope she gets eliminated soon!

[virginia]

Kristi, FTW! Ya, she has the unfair advantage of undeniable talent wrapped up in a tiny yet powerful package. Still, the show is about the celebrity that dances best. Despite the fact that the producers made a questionable call in enlisting a gold-medal ice DANCER on the show, there's no denying that of the celebrities in this contest, she rocks it.

[Scott Williams]

I loved loved loved seeing Monica Seles on the show. She has thrilled me for years with her awe inspiring tennis, since she was 14 years old. And she has always been the most thoughtful, gracious champion.

She's always been a private person, and I was worried that with her retirement we'd never see her again. That would have been really sad.

Monica has grown into a strikingly beautiful woman. And seeing her silly, flirty, bedazzled self having a great time on the dance floor helps to erase the shock and horror we all felt when she was stabbed in the back on a tennis court in Germany at the height of her career.

In an interview after she was eliminated, Monica said that she's not an entertainer. I don't think that's true. Entertainers are educators, and Monica has taught us all so much about courage, determination, family, kindness, grace, and strength.

I hope Monica stays in the public eye, so we can all enjoy watching her experience all the fun and exciting adventures she'll have now that she's retired from tennis. Our little girl is all grown up.

And I hope she finds someone who loves her, who sees the most beautiful woman in the world when he looks into her eyes.

[Bethshan Summers]

Wow, Scott....that's kinda creepy.

[Jessica Dean]

Hey guys! I love the Jonas Brothers!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw them play on Dancing with the Stars. They were amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!