‘Idol’ Tracker: A gender manifesto

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Despite perhaps all evidence to the contrary thus far in this season of the Chosen One, foretold in ‘Idol’ scriptures, I believe that the next American Idol must be female. In fact, to put it more plainly, I believe all ‘American Idol’ winners should be female. The job of the men in the competition should be to serve as gracious sidekicks/also-rans (Bo Bice, Blake Lewis) or as comic relief (Sanjaya Malakar, Constantine Maroulis, Scott “The Body” Savol, Kevin “Chicken Little” Covais).

The ‘American Idol’ competition is no place for irony, at least at its upper ranks. This is a singing competition, and by singing what we mean is raw, bleeding displays of wide-open emotion that tear the audience’s heart inside out. Humility, joy, pain, jubilation and tears is what the public demands of its champion.

The problem is for men, there is no credible model of masculinity with broad appeal that allows for such naked, unhinged displays of emotional intensity. The various rocker candidates all ultimately fail because in the end, being a rocker is about maintaining one’s cool. Maintaining one’s cool does not allow one to jump up and down with excitement when the judges like one’s song or to rip one’s heart out of one’s chest and place it on the floor for all the world to see, not without the aid of ‘Idol’-unfriendly substances anyway.

The two men who have won the crown have been, in their own ways, giant non-threatening clowns, not true masculine presences. Mr. Soul Patrol and The Velvet Teddybear both had their talents, but in the end they were both giant, blurry, non-threatening, buffoonish figures, like real-live Barneys the 4–7 demographic could picture jumping on stage and dancing around with. They guffawed their way to the top and not surprisingly, they have had the least impressive post-show careers.

The only models in my mind for ‘Idol’ champions are Celine Dion, Whitney Houston or Faith Hill. Or perhaps now their second-generation incarnations: Kelly, Fantasia, Carrie and Jordin. And most of all, in my mind the ultimate ‘Idol’ contestant of the pre-lapsarian era, the one who most perfectly combined the demands for relentless emotive singing and Wow factor –- Katharine McPhee (even though she was ultimately denied the prize by the closest vote in ‘Idol’ history.)

In contrast to the surly, completely inappropriate manner most of the guys received in their judging, the girls, to a woman, received their verdicts with dignity, grace and no whining (with the exception of Kady Malloy who seemed on the brink of a tantrum when she got her second straight pan).

In the face of the biblical forces behind the Chosen One, and the opposing dark forces arrayed behind Michael Johns, the girls’ group is in danger of looking like a side show to the main event. But I believe that in fact, this may be the strongest group of female talents ever assembled for an ‘Idol’ Top 20. Which is to say, although there still is not one that leaps forward as an obvious contender, the median is very, very high.

At this point, where usually we are cheerily machete-ing our way through the pack to dig out a handful of decent candidates, there is no one we can easily afford to lose in the solid group of A-/B+ personalities. Last week it was easy to say goodbye to Amy Davis and Joanne Borgella but this week after the decent comeback of Kristy Lee Cook, there is no obvious dead weight in this group. Even Kady Malloy, who has underperformed consistently, retains a glowing and enough star quality to merit a place in the top 12. It is too soon to say goodbye to Alaina Whitaker or Amanda Overmyer; too early in our journey to go on without Ramiele Maluby or Carly Smithson; Asia’h Epperson, Syesha Mercado, Alexandrea Lushington and Brooke White, we hardly knew ye! But tomorrow night, two of you will disappear from our lives forever, never to follow in the brave pioneering footsteps of the great McPhee.

But perhaps after six seasons it is time for a change. Perhaps for this new generation, Celine Dion is not the trailblazer she was as Kelly Clarkson over half a decade before. Perhaps, hard as it is to think it, ‘Idol’ is due for a new role model and just maybe in the epic battle of Archuleta and Johns, out of the carnage to come, we may find just that.

-- Richard Rushfield