'America's Next Top Model': It's a model world, after all

I had a nightmare the other night that went a little something like this. I was on the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland except there weren’t any shrieking puppets. Instead, there were shrieking models. Ahhhh! I woke up and immediately ate some carbs.

The scary thing is, of course, that the “Top Model” format is ridiculously successful around the world, with countries from Afghanistan (no, really!) to Turkey airing their own versions. It’s not just American gals that want to be walking clothes hangers and are willing to suffer the indignities of reality TV to do so, apparently.

Most amusingly, each version has its own Tyra. In Germany, natch, the host was Heidi Klum –- and we bet that audience probably doesn’t get the same kick out of her saying “auf Wiedersehen” like the American audience does for “Project Runway.” (What’s the big deal? She’s saying “goodbye.” Americans think that is cute? What does it been to be “auf’d?”) Anyway, it seems like the models in that show get a little more one-on-one time with Heidi, who provides critiques of each of the girl’s photos with none of the tsk-tsk “I just don’t think she’s a model” useless meowing from Twiggy. Here’s the official site, if you sprechen sie Deutsche.

In France, the first season was hosted by Odile Sarron, the casting director of the French version of Elle. (Basically, the French Nina Garcia, to make yet another very bizarre “Top Model”/“Project Runway” correlation.) You can check out the casting site for France’s next cycle here. (Beware, as soon as you click over, there’s blaring French commentary. If you want to be on top at your job, turn the sound off first.)

In the Netherlands, the host was Daphne Deckers, whom you must love because she has a link called “Bondgirl” on her website. (She had a bit part in “Tomorrow Never Dies.”) And since Holland is the country that spawned the original versions of much of our reality TV –- they’re totally to blame for “Big Brother” still clogging our airwaves -- it’s no surprise that “Top Model” has taken over there, as well, with the show in its third cycle.

Closer to home, Canada’s first season was hosted by Tricia Helfer, and the second was done by Mr. Jay, which makes me wonder even more why that dude never has any dark roots. When does he have time for upkeep? Here’s the official site.

-- Ann Donahue