‘America’s Next Top Model’: You should be an ear model!

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Wow, that was a lovely backhanded compliment Tyra paid Kimberly as she gave her the boot Wednesday night. Sure, Tyra said, Kimberly has a high-fashion face in person ... but it doesn’t come through in photos. But those ears! Those beautiful ears! So angular, and ear-y. I don’t know if that summation really made Kimberly feel any better.

But in watching last night’s show, I did develop a theory. After nine cycles, I’ve ascertained that there are certain code words Tyra uses when she’s giving feedback to the women at the end. For instance, ‘Commercial’ = ‘Doomed.’ ‘Hoochie’ = ‘You will get a story arc that shows you classing it up.’ ‘Fierce’ = ‘Intense, which means you’ll be eliminated after the first girly photo shoot.’ ‘Blond’ = ‘You will receive a hideous makeover and not win, because I could barely stomach CariDee winning that one year.’

Thankfully, I’m not the only one who gives such detailed attention to ‘Top Model.’

For obsessive analysis of the show, check out the blog FourFour, a mildly to highly profane and consistently hilarious take on the show each week. Among the highlights: a running tally of how many times the girls cry over the course of the season (we were up to 24 by the end of the second episode -- it’s been a slow year) as well as the aphorisms intoned by Tyra at the end of the show.

For instance, from last week’s whacking of Mila came this gem from Tyra, with FourFour commentary: ‘ ‘One thing you have to watch is your hoochiness. Just kinda ... get hoochie. You don’t have to, like, hoochify yourself to be beautiful.’ These are the moments I live for, you know? Hoochie, hoochiness, hoochify. I feel like we’re conjugating.’

Grammar humor, people. Priceless. Plus, FourFour has a wickedly cruel talent with Photoshop -- it’s almost as if TiVo freeze-framing has reached the apex of its potential use. He posts a new critique of the show the Monday after it airs, so look for some good ear stuff early next week.

-- Ann Donahue