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'Dancing With the Stars': The legend of McStiffy and the crazed bear lost in a swamp

May 7, 2007 |  8:42 pm

Dancing500 It’s funny that the two most problematic gentlemen on the show were once ostensibly put together to learn from each other -- Ian Ziering from Billy Ray Cyrus’ ‘joyful’ dancing, and Billy Ray, from Ian’s not-being-Billy-Ray-ness. While at opposite ends of the dancing spectrum, they’ve both become the least entertaining performers on the show.

Billy Ray, well. It’s easy to see why he doesn’t belong on the show. He’s simply not in the other dancers’ echelon anymore, and what’s the fun of watching someone compete who knows he’s not going to win? It’s been demonstrated in contests that personality or humility can overpower actual talent, but here’s hoping that Billy Ray does not become the next Sanjaya. He has the hair, that’s true, but he just seems too tired to deal with all that.

Ian Ziering, on the other hand, is a tough one. It’s clear he’s a good dancer and really wants to do well.

But let's compare “Dancing With The Stars” to “America’s Next Top Model” for a moment. Tyra says that while some models have unbelievable beauty, they just don’t have "that spark" that makes them a top model. Ian wants to have that spark, it’s obvious, but for some reason, it’s just not coming out. He and Cheryl Burke, who, by the way, seems like something of a taskmaster, act like colleagues who respect each other, but don’t really have fun on the job.

It’s completely different, though, when you look at closer couples like Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson, or Leila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. (Then again, what woman in her right mind couldn’t summon up just a little chemistry with Maksim Chmerkovskiy?)

If this show only had one other great couple on it, Ian would get a respectable second place trophy for his effort and technical skill. It’s going to be tough, though, with three other couples fighting for that top spot.

(Photo courtesy ABC)