'Dancing With the Stars': Last Dance

Ladies and gentleman, America has a new champion dancing star: Olympic speedskater Apolo Anton Ohno. Whoever predicted that he should win must be a genius!  If you enjoyed crushing on him when he was a champion speedskater, now you have a whole new reason to set pictures of him as your wallpaper on your computer. Just because that information could easily be relayed in two words ("Ohno wins") didn't mean that "Dancing with the Stars" was going to refrain from airing a gaseously bloated results show. 

Two hours!  Was that really necessary?  A "history" of a television show that's a few years old?  Countless 'behind the scenes' interviews and trotting out the professionals and also-rans?  Wasn't really necessary. With the crowning of the champion though came the most obvious weakness of the show: it's pure fluff, sheer entertainment.  Which is not a fatal flaw, but the show lacks a little heart when compared to its Tuesday night competitor, "American Idol."  Apolo Anton Ohno will, like the rest of the cast, return to a life of appearances and agents and autographs, but on "American Idol," a bunch of kids who weren't famous last year are famous as hell this year.  With the end of "American Idol,' we get to look forward to hearing gossip from the tour, hearing about who got a breast enlargement and who is actually forming quite the little career.  With the stars, well, they're still stars.

'American Idol': Showdown

Human history is studded by moments, turning points, when but for a nail the empire might have been saved; a bit more exertion on one side, a glance the wrong way on the other and nations crumble.   Tonight at the Kodak theater was one of those moments.   In all of competitive singing, no night had held more uncertainty than this one.  And the eyes of a nation, weary from a season of twists and turns beyond our experience, turned to the Kodak stage in search of a sign.

If the Boy From Bothell is crowned tomorrow night, Idol will take a step into a new world from which it will be difficult to retreat – a world of Maroon Five covers, emo and faux-hawks.  A world of cool ironic detachment from the spectacle itself.

'American Idol': It's all over but the singing

So at last we have come to this – tonight on the Kodak stage the eyes of a nation will be on two young singers as they meet in a final gladiatorial death match.  Resting on their performances tonight – whether Jordin Sparks or Blake Lewis will join Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood and Taylor Hicks on the opening credits elevator ride to stardom.

For the two singers, the challenge will be greater than anything they have yet experienced.  Having proven they could captivate the crowd in the 300 seat Idoldome, they must now attempt to fill the 4,000 plus Kodak Theatre with their still fresh voices.

Going in, the odds on online gambling sites and amongst Idol pundits heavily favor the 17 year old Glendale Arizona native Sparks.

However, a close reading of tonight’s schedule suggests that this – the most unpredictable of seasons – may have yet another surprise in store. Blake Lewis remains a serious contender in these final hours.

'24': Jack calls it a day

Who could have predicted, with "Lost's" myriad mysteries still unexplained and "Heroes" just beginning to uncover the extent of its mythology, that the series with the most head-scratching moments this season would end up being "24"?

But that's how it ended up playing out, right up to the final ambiguous seconds of Monday night's two-hour season finale, with Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) standing alone on a Malibu cliff and staring off into the surf, possibly considering suicide, but considering Fox has renewed the series for two more years, probably not willing to act on it.

There's an argument to be made that Jack's closing stance was the perfect embodiment of the mental state of the writers at the end of "Day Six" -- lost, confused, unable to turn back yet unsure of how to proceed. Coming off the show's most uneven and critically condemned season yet, it's understandable they'd be a little shaken. This was the year that all the old tricks stopped working, when the show's reliance on torture came under attack from the media and co-creator Joel Surnow's conservative credentials were scrutinized. It's also the first season the series' basic 24-hour structure seemed to fail, when the writers decided to end the main storyline with six episodes to go, and grabbed at a few unresolved story threads from last year to fill the hours.

'Heroes': This is the end, my friend

Heroes has the opposite problem from most  shows in its genre - I'll call it literate sci-fi, at the risk of getting irate e-mails. The "X-Files," "Alias" and "Lost" were and are hammered for being too oblique, having no clear sense of plot direction and giving off a definite eau d'making-it-up-as-they-went-along. Heroes, since returning for the second half of the season, has clearly telegraphed each twist and turn and  hasn't made for the most compelling viewing these past few weeks. (This is the risk when  one of the characters is a prophetic artist who paints scenes from upcoming episodes, I guess.) With the finale, however, the show had something of a clean slate - viewers didn't know if, or when, or how New York would go kablooie.

Ladies and gentlemen, your next 'Dancing With the Stars' champion (should be)...

When the top three dancers hit the floor last night, it seemed like it was going to be tough to pick a winner in the finals of this season’s “Dancing with the Stars,” but pitting top contenders Laila Ali, Apolo Anton Ohno and Joey Fatone against each other actually highlighted what each contestant genuinely has and lacks. Certainly, all are good athletes, good sports, good personalities, good partners and are relatively easy on the eyes, but after last night, one clearly is the top spot.

That person is Apolo Anton Ohno. With his spirited freestyle performance, he demonstrated something that he thus far had lacked a little bit: cultural specificity. Ohno’s been such a gimlet-eyed pro that it’s sometimes been tough to establish just how old he actually is, what he likes to do in his free time, what he’s like when he’s not on-camera.

But the charming breakdance and skater-inspired performance he did with partner Julianne Hough clearly showed not only his athletic and dancing prowess, but also that he understands what generation he appeals to. For once he reminded us that he’s 25 (actually, today! Happy Birthday Apolo, wherever you are) and a pro, and not just a youthful looking athlete.

The weaknesses in the other contestants are minor but they were obvious in comparison to Apolo. Laila simply lacks  Apolo and Joey’s unselfconsciousness, and doesn’t quite make the dancing look as easy as Apolo does. She does rock very hard however in general, with her mix of toughness and sensuality, ambition and charm. Mothers across the country should turn their daughters’ chins away from pictures of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and turn it to Laila’s.

'The Sopranos': Tony's lament: 'Why me?'

A.J. Soprano’s suicide attempt was very A.J.: He tied a plastic bag over his head and attached a concrete block to his foot before dropping himself into the family pool.

Depression has long been A.J.’s curse, but ineffectualness is a close second; the plastic bag wasn’t tied properly and he appeared to over-estimate the length of rope for the block. A cry for help that was, finally, sweet, like the time A.J. brought a sword into the psychiatric hospital to get revenge on Uncle Junior for shooting his father.

“On some level he may have known that the rope was too long to keep him submerged,” Dr. Melfi tells Tony. “Or he could just be...[an idiot],” says the father. “Historically that’s been the case.”

A.J. had his imagery right — the mob’s “cement shoes,” not to mention that pool. The pool is where it all began on “The Sopranos” — Tony with his ducks and his depression. In the throes of his child’s desperate act, it was not difficult to discern whom Tony thought was affected the most.
“Why me, huh?” he says to Melfi. “Doesn’t every parent make mistakes? … I’m a good guy. Basically.”

'Ugly Betty': Pass the tissues

I guess I should have known that I'd need a box of them for an episode called "East Side Story."

Happiness is always short-lived on primetime soaps, but Thursday's finale of "Ugly Betty" kept the wallops coming one after another.

Henry has been trapped in the clutches of his evil ex after Betty confessed her love. Alexis and Daniel get into a car wreck after finally mending their relationship. And, most tragically, Santos was killed before he and Hilda could say "I do."

The show's final moments, ending with Betty telling Hilda the news to the sound of Hilda's Justin singing "Somewhere" from "West Side Story," was especially poignant.

Unlike deaths on other series that are meant to shock -- Sorry, Milo, "24" can chug along without you -- when tragedy hits the characters on "Betty," it hurts. Underneath colorful, larger-than-life trappings, each struggles to be better than they are, making their despair all the more heartbreaking.

'Grey's Anatomy': Tear of rage or tear of joy?

So are they firing Isaiah Washington or what? No doubt, the final scene of the season finale of “Grey’s Anatomy” left many viewers wondering if the tears Cristina was crying after being ditched at the altar were of heartbreak or relief, but some of us were more curious if her anguished “He’s gone” referred to Burke, her former fiance, or the man who plays him.
Washington, of course, was the center of a scandal earlier this year after he referred to cast member T.R. Knight, not once but twice, by a homophobic epithet. Since then, rumors have flown over whether he would be allowed to remain on a show that prides itself on love and tolerance and diversity.
Thursday night’s season finale certainly left that, and a few other things, pretty much hanging. Or not hanging, as the case may be.

'ER': Are we there yet?

Perhaps it's that time, time for "ER" to close its doors, and not just temporarily for a paint job.

Last night's episode was somewhat engaging, but only in the way that the same plot we've seen in other incarnations was being lobbed back at us. We began with foreshadowing on Luka (Goran Visnjic) and Abby's (Maura Tierney) relationship as Luka was suddenly called away to Croatia, by himself. Most of us know that this is Visnjicâ's last season on "ER" and clumsy allusions to terrorism early in the episode created a "wonder how they'll make this happen" feeling of non-tension.

As happens at least once a season, a promising new doctor has been introduced (Stanley Tucci) who, despite his acting chops and threats to force the ER to straighten up and fly right, will not be able to stir the pot enough to freshen the show after so many years.