‘America’s Next Top Model’: The final five

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So here we have it: Natasha, Jaslene, Dionne, Renee and Brittany. I’ve been a Brittany fan from the beginning - holla for the gawky, pale, faux redheads - but the honest truth is that it’s hard to make any of these ladies look bad. Wednesday’s episode tested their professional mettle as much as their high cheekbones, with the gals required to keep to a model-tight schedule of fittings and scheduling - all while jetlagged in Sydney.

Only Jaslene, Renee and Dionne could make it back to the modeling agency in time, resulting in Brittany and Natasha banished to the patio of the workplace after they returned late. (Temporarily booted Natasha, thankfully, provided some perspective, reminding a sobbing and irrational Brittany that, you know, ‘some people have war in their countries.’ Aww, it’s like the UN of the modeling world.)

Tyra - damn you, for looking so good without mascara - was the photographer who set the remaining ladies up with flowing, romantic hair extensions and bathing suites for a super sexy shoot with hunky guys on the beach. You know the Chris Isaac music video with Helena Christiansen? Think that. Jaslene, blessed with extraordinary bone structure - androgynous, yet fantastic - wound up winning the week’s photo competition. Alas, my gal Brittany - who was deemed unacceptable by all the fashion houses she visited in Australia because of her sullen demeanor in meetings - was given the boot. My new favorite? Dionne. She’s frequently criticized for defaulting to the ‘angry’ look in her shoots - but hey, beauty without an edge is just a pretty picture.

(Photo courtesy The CW)