‘Grey’s Anatomy’: Hittin’ the road with Kate

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Kate Walsh, it would appear, is getting out in the nick of time. Next week, in a very special two-hour episode, her character, Dr. Addison Shepherd, will vamoose from Seattle for the sunny shores of L.A. May she never look back because “Grey’s Anatomy” is collapsing faster than a punctured lung.

Izzie and George. Izzie and her new hairstyle. Callie and George, Derek and Meredith, Derek and the chief’s job. Addison and Karev, Addison and McSteamy, Cristina and Burke and their wedding cake. Oh which will they pick? Oh what will happen then? Oh who really cares?

Last night’s episode presented the “Grey’s” team with their biggest challenge ever — acting in ways barely recognizable as human much less characteristic. All the interns were suddenly concerned, albeit it briefly and intermittently, with their wink-wink careers as they cutely “studied” for “the biggest test of their internship.” (Surely that has been staying friends with the drippy, relentlessly narcissistic Meredith, no?)

Does anyone but me remember how the series began, with a whole bunch of interns being told by Bailey to look around because more than half of them wouldn’t be there in a few months? Whatever happened to the idea of benching some of these beauties?

With several deaths and breaches of ethics between them, you’d think the idea that someone might be given the boot would have been floated occasionally. But no, it’s all about how everyone is feeling today.

On that front, Izzie and George spent the whole episode palling around as if neither one of them had ever had sex ever, much less adulterous sex with each other. Callie huffed and puffed about their “friendship” and when Addison cut her off at the knees with the most un-girlfriendly comment on record — “If you’re obsessing about this, it means something’s going on” — had nowhere to turn but her lip gloss addiction for comfort.

Meanwhile, Meredith spent her day narrating her actions to Derek in an attempt to “communicate,” which wasn’t even funny but did make it clear that Meredith is not only drippy but dumb. In an attempt to provide some tension to her relationship with Derek, the writers decided last week to have the chief tell him that he had to protect Ellis Grey’s daughter at all cost, even if it meant passing over Derek for the job.

Why Derek didn’t haul himself to Human Resources at this point I don’t know — is a statement like that even legal? It certainly makes no sense — can you imagine Meredith’s mother asking anyone to look out for her daughter much less a chief of surgery basing his decision on it?

But back to Derek who the writers jerk around so often it’s a wonder Patrick Dempsey doesn’t have whiplash. In the blink of an eye, he has gone from caring over-protective McDreamy to cold, patronizing McPompous. “I don’t think I can go on breathing for you,” he said to Meredith (after having sex with her, mind you.) What does this even mean? Are the writers trying to channel Anne Tyler? If he really thought she tried to commit suicide by letting herself drown in that best-forgotten-but-they-won’t-let-us three part narrative, isn’t it is professional duty to see that she gets some help.

Perhaps we all need to review our Hippocratic Oath, people.

Dr. Bailey is apparently being punished for winning an Emmy — just scurries around frowning and barking and no one is bothering to give her any good lines. But Addison finally did jump Karev, almost literally, pushing him into — what? A patient’s room? A handy dandy supply closet? — ripping off her clothes just as if this were not a busy hospital hallway teeming with people.

It was at this point that the Avid Viewer spoke aloud, and heatedly, to her television set, which is never, ever a good sign. But if you’re going to have a show in which the writing is so transparently manipulative, in which you can almost hear the writers’ room conversations — “I know, let’s have the Chief feel like he has to protect Meredith from what his wife lived through,” “I know, let’s have Izzie really suddenly want George,” “I know, I just read a New York Times article about how hot red velvet cake is, let’s have Cristina pick that for her wedding cake” (and I won’t even mention the jokes in the writers room about sending Addison off with a bang) — if you’re going to air a show like that, you should expect a little back talk.

At this point, “Grey’s Anatomy” could be “Friends” or “Melrose Place” or “Felicity” (that would at least explain Izzie’s hair — a bunch of people trying to earn life wisdom the hard way: By sleeping with everyone in the cast.

Me, I’m going to L.A. with Addison. I hear people are more sophisticated there than in Seattle.

(Photo courtesy ABC)