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'Dancing with the Stars': Bringing sexy back...kinda

Dancing245 Last night, with the dancing of the samba and rumba, the performers on “Dancing with the Stars” were encouraged to bring out the sexy.

However, as Rose from the musical “Gypsy” would say, some people got it and make it pay; some people can’t even give it away.

Let’s take a look at which people’s got it, in order of who danced:

Ian Ziering and Cheryl Burke: There’s no doubt that Ian works hard and has a certain impish, smirking Steve Sanders appeal. Maybe it’s the too-bright teeth, though, or the curly blonde hair, or maybe it’s that we think he’s a little bit scared of his partner Cheryl Burke, but he seems to have a tough time pulling off sizzle. Sleeveless shirts, too, tend to lean more towards “figure skater” than “sexy dancer.”

Clyde Drexler and Elena Grinenko: Clyde is lovable. He was a classy, skilled basketball player and seems like a nice, somewhat soft spoken guy. However, his sad, sad eyes and his hesitation on the dance floor sap all the libido out of this former NBA player — plus, he’s the kind of fellow, who, once you see him as a pussycat, you’d never buy him as a sex symbol. It makes us wonder how Dennis Rodman would fare out there.

Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts: Heather is sort of neutral when it comes to the sex factor. She and Jonathan seem to have a genial, friendly relationship on the dance floor, and while she can certainly shimmy and shake her hips, she seems like she’s doing it more for her own fun than as one character seducing another. Part of it, too, is that Heather has a face that’s set at a constant level of pleasantness: we never see her narrow her eyes or sneer in an attempt to be a seductress (see: Laila Ali). Plus, it's hard to be sexy when you're falling on your tushie. Yep, she fell.

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson: Joey’s honed his Mr. Entertainer act so much so that it’s tough to see him as having any sort of rough edges that would suggest a dirty, sexy side. That said, he can certainly fake it ‘til he makes it: he’s not afraid to really throw his body around and put his hands all over Kym’s.

John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska: Through no fault of their own, John and Edyta seem to have more of a father/daughter thing going than anything that would resemble a sexual relationship on the dance floor — which is fine by us. For future seasons of DWTS though, it seems like it would be fair to pair up some of the older stars with professionals their own age. Surely there are some? When it comes to “the story of the dance,” a silver fox falling for a slinky cougar seems like it would have more potential than a May-December samba.

Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: This pair seems to generate the most heat (which made the ‘Laila’s fiancé is jealous!’ gimmick actually pretty funny.) Laila seems to be aware of her own sexuality — to use her words, she definitely knows how to get nasty with it. She and Maksim meanwhile make a good pair, personality-wise: as arguably the most macho of the male partners, he and Laila seem to have had a few decent dustups, which gives the impression that they actually care, which is, in itself, sexy.

Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough: Apolo and Julianne can swivel their little hips and thrust their tiny pelvises all they want, but it’s just impossible to buy them as being extremely sexy. That’s OK though because their almost unbearable appeal completely makes up for it.

Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff: Billy Ray seems to have the most wasted potential for sexiness. He has a ruggedly handsome face and a commanding figure, but his discomfort with himself crumbles away any sensuality he could muster. What happened to the hip swiveling “Achy Breaky Heart” Billy? Now all we have is a guy with a triangular soul patch in a lavender silk sleeveless shirt who seems to have an undeniable urge to plug all his current projects.

(Photo courtesy ABC)

 
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