'Arnie the Torynator'

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is taking his global-warming victory lap to England for the Conservative Party conference this fall in Blackpool, the seaside town in the northeast. The British press and party leadership say Schwarzenegger has accepted an invitation to speak at the Tory conference, scheduled for Sept. 30 to Oct. 3.

Conservatives in England are trying to boost their green credentials by inviting Schwarzenegger, who last year signed legislation requiring mandatory reductions in carbon dioxide emission, and who has cozied up to Prime Minister Tony Blair, the Labour Party leader.

David Cameron (pictured), the Tory leader, said about the visit: "Gov. Schwarzenegger led a dramatic revival of his party's fortunes in California and as governor he has shown tremendous leadership - above all, in pioneering measures to protect the environment, reaching out to political opponents in doing so."

The British turned on some of their highly sophisticated humour to celebrate Schwarzenegger's RSVP. Here is how The Times of London imagines Schwarzenegger's visit, as a screenplay:

EXT. NIGHT ... A freezing wind off the Irish Sea blows high clouds across a full moon but fails to deter ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, leaping in wetsuit and flippers from C130 Hercules with Cohiba cigar and steerable 'chute. He lands neatly off Blackpool's Pleasure Beach and strides ashore. CUT TO:

INT. NIGHT, we hear glass splinter and an alarm sound. We follow camera into dark backstage spaces of giant conference hall. Glimpses of elderly audience through wings. Then of DAVE CAMERON reading from autocue:

DAVE CAMERON: And just to show how serious I am about preserving your environment I have invited the only American governor to maintain a fleet of Hummers as well as a private jet in which to commute to his state capital. Ladies and gentlemen (DAVE LOOKS AT CAMERA), I give you... CUT TO:

INT. NIGHT. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER (now standing in front of DAVE, ripping off wetsuit to reveal tuxedo): So where's Dave?

AUDIENCE (delirious): Behind you!!!!