2009 American Music Awards: Grading the performances

Grading the performances at the 2009 American Music Awards, typos and all.

Janet Jackson. So, supposedly the American Music Awards were going to open with a performance from Janet, and that's technically what happened. Except Janet's performance was largely a commercial for her  "Number Ones," in which the singer, in a tan outfit that looked like it was ripped straight from the racks at REI, performed a medley of her hits. Imagine going to Amazon.com and clicking on a bunch of song samples from her two-disc set. That's largely what this performance was -- it's "Miss You Much"! and now it's "What Have You Done for Me Lately"! -- and if you were a Janet fan, you surely enjoyed this swift little medley. It was a safe and solid opening, and it gets a slight bonus for focusing entirely on Janet and not becoming another Michael tribute, so B-.

Daughtry. Boom! Nothing ignites the excitement of a three-hour award show like a mid-tempo rock ballad from heartland rockers Daughtry. "No, there's no life after you," leader Chris Daughtry sings through gritted teeth, trying to muster some importance out of these tepid lyrics and lightly strummed electric guitars. This type of song is typically saved for the moments during an arena show when a band says, "This one is for the ladies," and everyone goes and buys a hot dog. D

Shakira. Rather than perform "She Wolf," Shakira opts for her more recent single "Give It Up to Me," and turns in a performance worthy of Broadway's "STOMP." A little militant, and a little bit "Single Ladies," Shakira's minimalistic outfit matched the sparseness of the song. Her dancing didn't match the oddness of "She Wolf," but it was aggressive, and put the viewer on the defensive. B

Keith Urban. In case Shakira was too risque for you, don't worry -- the AMAs went right back to PG with Urban's good-time country rocker, "Kiss a Girl." The AMAs have gone back and forth between sexy and middle-of-the-road thus far, and Urban, sporting a slightly shiny Western shirt, kept things simple and to the point. "Say goodbye to all the rules," he sings in the song, but this country-crossover rocker never strays from them. B-

Kelly Clarkson. Yes, she had an album this year -- don't forget! -- and she sold it well tonight with a solid take on "Already Gone." Looking glamorous and sounding terrific, Clarkson was a classic throwback, a reminder of a time when "American Idol" didn't make all artists think they had to over-sing. B+

Alicia Keys and Jay-Z. Dressed all spiffy in their finest formal wear, Keys and Jay-Z performed their pandering "Empire State of Mind." This was fine the first time we heard it on an award show -- at the MTV Video Music Awards, and it was fine at the World Series, but enough. It's worn out its welcome. Yes, we know New York is cool. Bars are open late and the public transportation is swell and all, but performing this love letter to New York in Los Angeles? We're tired of it. No more songs about cities. D Side-note: The introduction by Alex Rodriguez gets an F. And was he chewing gum? He's unprofessional off the field too.

The Black Eyed Peas. The Los Angeles popsters received a showcase performance, getting to offer live takes of "Meet Me Halfway" and "Boom Boom Pow," two of the most ubiquitous songs of the year. Viewers were reminded of this fact repeatedly, with their sales constantly hyped, and the Black Eyed Peas declaring themselves "the new kings" at the end of their performance. On record, "Meet Me Halfway" is all electronic futurism. Live, it was a bit messier, but there was plenty of eye candy in this extended performance. Crazy wigs and stereo outfits and some crowd-pleasing samples of C+C Music Factory and Nirvana. It was all pop-culture nonsense, and that's what the Black Eyed Peas excel at. B+

Rihanna. Ne-Yo told us that the "R" in her "Rated R" stands for either "remarkable" or "really, really sexy." Not quite sure if it completely hit both of those notes, but it was definitely over too soon. Performing in a sort of sci-fi junkyard, Rihanna came onstage in what could have been a torture device. Like Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas, Rihanna is definitely tapping into the cyborg pop mentality that's all the rage at the moment (nice spikes on the shoulders). She gave us snippets of two songs from "Rated R" -- "Wait Your Turn" and "Hard" -- but it would have been better to just stick with one. To her credit, she sounded sharp, metallic and owned the songs. The night's best performance thus far. A-

Carrie Underwood. Was it really just a week ago that this song was performed on the Country Music Assn. Awards? There were fewer nods to Nashville tonight, or maybe it was just too hard to focus on the slide guitar when Underwood was sporting some kind of half-dress, half-lingerie outfit, and the band was nowhere to be seen. This wasn't about the song; it was about her strutting around onstage. C

Lady Gaga. Coming onstage like a creature from "Pan's Labyrinth," Lady Gaga was all twitchy masked dance moves for this two-song medley. That was a good thing, as her "Bad Romance" is a bit of a mess, ultimately falling back on the retro-synth choruses that Gaga can't resist. There was broken glass and a flaming piano (no flaming bras, sadly), and Gaga showed off her pipes on "Speechless" as she got violent with some water bottles. Gaga makes for entertaining television, no doubt, but at some point she's going to need more than just crazy masks, pryo and fake blood. C+

Mary J. Blige. Her "I Am" isn't a knock-out on par with "I Can See in Color," but it's the type of ballad Blige can perfectly deliver in her sleep. On a night were futuristic flash and bare skin were all the rage, Blige kept it lovingly old school. B

Jennifer Lopez. Given an elaborate stage with a fake boxing ring, Lopez was hyped as "the main event." She wasn't. Her "comeback" single, "Louboutins," is a silly little trifle, and that may even be too complimentary. She sounded Auto-Tuned for the entire performance, and the title is a ridiculous word to repeat multiple times in a pop song. But it'll sell some shoes this holiday season, so maybe some retailers are stoked. D

Whitney Houston. She received a standing ovation, and it was deserved. With "I Didn't Know My Own Strength," Houston hollered and showed a bit of a rasp. If her instrument isn't what it once was, it can still silence a room. Compared to Blige a few songs ago, Houston was perhaps a bit over the top, but she belted until she was nearly out of breath. It was a powerful moment. But the angelic background lighting? Could have done without that. A-

Alicia Keys. Getting a chance to redeem herself for her earlier performance, Keys drops her new single, "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart," in her second performance of the evening, touching on a bit of '70s R&B vibe. Her gold-draped jacket will dominate the gossip sites Monday, and the single's good too. Keys doesn't belt at the top of her lungs here, and though I prefer her when she's at the piano (she sat down and played in the song's final moments), she's softly restrained for much of the song. The background dancers, copping some vintage "West Side Story" Broadway moves, were cute to boot. B+

Eminem and 50 Cent. The censors worked overtime in this collaboration for "Crack a Bottle," as there was more silence than music. That about sums up the performance as well, as this was all offensive swagger. But it didn't shock -- it was simply kind of annoying. D

Timbaland, SoShy and Nelly Furtado. This song needed a little more Nelly Furtado and a little less Timbaland, but the producer-rapper certainly keeps good company. This slinky dance-floor cut excels when newbie SoShy and Furtado trade vocals, and hits a bit of a wall when Timbaland controls the microphone. B

Green Day. Here to perform recent single "21 Guns." It's the least exciting of the singles from "21st Century Breakdown," but it does show off the band's more theatrical, serious side. With all its stops and starts, and on-the-sleeve crooning from Billie Joe Armstrong, it certainly feels important, but it never quite takes off. B-

Adam Lambert. You wouldn't have seen this on "American Idol," a show that has broadcast its share of monstrosities. Borrowing some of Rihanna's shoulder spikes and torture devices, Lambert dragged women around onstage and got frisky with dudes, all in what seemed like an overly calculated way to show himself off as some sort of glam-gone-dangerous artist -- and to instantly distance Lambert from the family-friendly "Idol" fare. It all would have been forgivable if the song actually had a hook. Lambert has the voice, and a charisma that stands out in today's pop music landscape, but this was provocation by the numbers. D

. -Todd Martens

Photos: Shakira, Lady Gaga and Carrie Underwood. Credits: Associated Press

RELATED: 

The 2009 American Music Awards red carpet

2009 American Music Awards: Scorecard

American Music Awards: Three reasons to watch, three reasons to avoid

Grammys 2010: An early look at album of the year contenders (Part 1)

Grammys 2010: An early look at album of the year (Part 2)

Taylor Swift, Michael Jackson dominate American Music Awards nominations 

Rihanna, Green Day added to American Music Awards lineup

Guess who's getting Grammy nominations?

Adam Lambert kicks off rehearsals for American Music Awards

Comments

[moluccana]

"Except Janet's performance was largely a commercial for her "Number Ones,""

Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but that's all ANY awards performance is, is a commercial for the artist's album. You're pretty damn naïve if you think any differently.

[Sherry]

JANET JACKSON HAD THE BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NITE SO FAR!! IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT SHE HAD ON THOSE WERE 20 YEARS AGO HITS THAT SHE WAS DOING AND TO REMEMBER THE DANCE MOVES WERE JUST AWSOME!! SHE IS THE QUEEN OF POP & R&B!! JANET HAS NOTHING TO PROVE BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR 0VER 25 YEARS AND SHE HAS DONE IT ALL.

[FREDDY]

WAS AMAZING! SHAKIRA THE BEST PRESENTATION OF THE NIGHT!

[Michael Lewis]

I agree on all your ratings so far.. For me, Kelly Clarkson deserved a solid B (not my favorite performance). Adam Lambert will have the best performance of the night - mark my word. Millions will see his true talent and not judge him on his sexuality.

[JC]

I agree that Empire State was not a good fit for the show. I liked Kelly Clarkson's voice and Janet Jackson is simply an Icon that can simply get away with the performance she did today.... but the best performance so far was Shakira, very different, the song was very good, in fact, Just bought the single from itunes and I really dig it. and boy was she HOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I'll def buy her album

[RP]

Uh. I'm not much of a Janet Jackson fan, but what exactly did you expect her to sing? She sings her own songs, and people call it a commercial. She sings her latest single, and people call it a commercial. She sings any Michael Jackson song, and people call it "the latest instance of a Jackson milking the King of Pop's death for all it's worth." She sings any other song, and it confuses everyone. Of those choices, she probably chose the least superficial.

[Michael Jacksom]

THANKS FOR THE AWARD!!! IT MEANS A LOT!!!! LOVE YOU SIS!!!!

[Christi]

Hmmmm, I wasn't bored with Daughtry. I like the up and comers...

[John K]

This guy is an idiot!! Seriously, I mean I really am not a huge country fan. But, Underwood, blew away Jay Z. Actually Jay Z or any other rapper can not sing live. Now Alicia Keys sounded great. And I love rap.

[testit]

Rihanna cannot sing...Gaga was great and can actually sing...so Rihanna is a studio artist while Gaga is a total artist...Gaga has been the best so far...Kelly Clarkson is close because she sounded the best

[Tara]

Rihanna get's an A- and Janet get's a B??? That's bull. Rihanna was hot garbage. Hot hairy garbage.

[Brittany]

Rihanna an A but Kelly Clarkson a B, first of all Kelly Clarkson can out sing Rihanna Any day and Jay-Z and Alicia's performance derserved a B too, don't let your hate for A-Rod get in your way of journalism. (no bias remember) and the song is a song of pride remember that next time you want to say no more song about cities.

[Heather Hamilton]

Are you serious? Kelly Clarkston's voice was flat through most of the song, Rihanna's performance was amateurish (even though I usually admire her style), and even though jay z and keyes have performed this song a number of times their performance was sharp and top-notch.

[Rocco]

Just because Sherry screams when she types, doesn't mean you have to print it that way.

[FLAKER]

OMG SHAKIRA WAS AWESOME I LOVED SHAKIRA IS VERY TALENTED SHE HAS SOMETHING SPECIAL! SOOOO COOOLLL

[Monica]

Rihanna really an A?At least Kelly Clarkson and Alicia Keys were actually singing.

[ecru]

did you enjoy anything? I'm bored with the 'PerezHilton' mentality, even the mainstreams media is mimicking his -"kruel is kool" mentality. Everyone is so afraid to complement someone or something, so afraid of appearing 'uncool'–it is so 2008-yawn!

[John K]

I suppose you liked J Lo. Terrible!!!!!!!!!! D-

[Andrea]

Lady Gaga is brilliant, weird, sexy, talented-- and frankly, the ideal image of an entertainer. She definitely deserved much, much higher (try two grades higher) than a C+.

[Huh?]

Jay-Z and Alicia get an F for performing the same song they've already performed on previous occasions, but Rihanna, who can't sing or dance, she HAS to rely on weird, elaborate costumes and stage sets to attempt to disguise the fact that she is one of the WORST performers ever, gets an A?!?! Are you f*****g kidding me?!?!? As a matter of fact, ALL of the other performers were far better than Rihanna, despite their own faults. Something must be seriously wrong with you if thought that it was "the night's best performance thus far". I hope you changed your mind upon seeing Lady Gaga, because while I'm not a huge fan of hers, at least she brought her A game and gave a REAL performance with REAL talent. Oh yeah, and WHITNEY HOUSTON BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN!!!!! YEAH, DID RIHANNA TOP THAT?

[rebecca]

I was dissapointed with Black Eye Pea & Rihanna. Black Eye Pea if that is live they don't sound the same and Rihanna's song I hated.

[Iris M. Gross]

Could people please get away from using caps as if doing so meant that their opinion was the only one that mattered? Thanks.

Janet was fabulous, by the way, as was Mary Jane. Rhianna was easily worst unless you count Lady GaGa. However, Whitney owned.

[Roddy and Grace Millard]

What is going on with Michael Jackson winning? Why all of a sudden is his music better than it was a year ago causing him to win more awards? I understand he was very talented but is this the Jackson family controlling television? I think a tribute would be better than forcing him to win these awards! It is rigged!

Oh, and thanks L.A. for paying for the funeral!

[tracy lewis]

dont no how tayler swift beat carrie underwood tayler cannot sing

[me]

Didn't anyone else see J Lo fall on her ass after she stepped off that dancer's back? Loved it!