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'Main Street: zero. Wall Street: a billion gazillion bajillion'

July 22, 2009 |  6:28 pm

Making its way around the Web, after Goldman Sachs Group's record quarterly earnings report last week, is this New Yorker magazine online sendup of an internal memo from CEO Lloyd Blankfein:

"We had a few hard months there, didn’t we? They regulated our corporate jet so that we could no longer use it to fly from hole to hole on the green. Dave had to drain his money pool to half capacity. I stopped injecting gold into my blood. They don’t call it a recession for nothing. One day, we’ll look back on the year we received only five-figure bonuses and laugh.

"Wanting to celebrate our renewed success is natural, but it’s important that we don’t go crazy here. . . . So I ask that, in celebrating our raping of the stock market, we show restraint in the following ways:

--- Please limit high-fives and chest bumps to a dozen a day.

--- Don’t wear your crowns, except around the office.

--- Stop paying for things in Monopoly money -- I understand it is the same as real money to us, but there have been some complaints.

--- For now, let’s take down the giant scoreboard that reads 'Main Street: zero. Wall Street: a billion gazillion bajillion.' "

Read the whole spoof here.

-- Tom Petruno