Steve Lopez gives up on Manny, and his World Series tickets

Times columnist Steve Lopez is fed up with Manny Ramirez. He's so disgusted with the Dodgers slugger that he's decided to give up his own World Series tickets. The Dodgers, of course, first must defeat two playoff opponents to reach what would be their first World Series since 1988, but if it happens, Lopez won't be joining them there:

So here I am with World Series tickets in my hand and a wave of hysteria sweeping the city. I'm sorry for being the cockroach in the punch bowl, but I can't bring myself to join the party. The only thing that could get me to the ballpark in the post-season would be if Manager Joe Torre were to staple Manny's dreadlocks to the dugout wall and play Juan Pierre in his place. I'd rather lose with a scrappy singles hitter like Pierre than win with a loafing slugger like Ramirez.

Maybe I'll be in a more forgiving mood next year and return to the ballpark -- I just don't know. But I'm giving my World Series tickets this year to the person who writes my favorite 50-word sermon to Ramirez.

Read the full column here. For Steve to consider your sermon of no more than 50 words, post it as a comment below by noon Pacific Daylight Time on Friday, Oct. 9, 2009.

Comments

[Melissa]

Manny the untold story:

Well Manny is actually really smart,
Cuz he doesn’t take anything to heart,
Takes a fertility drug (steroids too?),
But all he does is shrug (and bid ado),
Getting a 50 game suspension sucks,
But whatever…he’s worth the 45 million bucks…

[Jim Valencia]

I won’t be hypocrite, I like Manny for this reason
Without him the Dodgers don’t go far in the postseason
But what concerns me, and his lack of homers is starting to prove and show
Is that he needs fertility drugs to make his Mannywood, er, muscles move and grow

[Andy Clare]

Fannywood

From the east in '08 arrived Manny

With great skills now proven uncanny

Too good to be true, for the boys wearing blue

He should soon warm the wood with his fanny

[Christopher Hicks]

Manny, you're the previously flooded car and Mr. Boras is the salesman who sold you to me. I needed a CarFax. Then I would have known about the positive 2003 tests and your fertility problems. Now I'm stuck with Mannywould (as in Manny would have been good if...)

[Jaclyn]

Step up to the plate and be a MANny or is that too much for someone who used female hormones?! Strike One.

Two Bobbleheads Too MAnNY… Strike Two.

Now the air is shattered by Manny’s umpteenth blow…

But there is no joy in MANNYwood - mighty Manny has struck out.

[Craig Silver]

Manny, dear Manny,
Just hark to our pleas!
Cop to. Admit it. Our boos'll now cease.
The keys to salvation are waiting for you
We forgive those clad in our beloved Blue
But lest you persist in your innocence, Manny,
The Lord (and we Dodger fans) must kick your fanny.

[Dan Schechter]

Matthew 6:28: “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.” Manny .125 (2009 playoffs to date): “Why try? I get paid anyway.” The difference? The lilies do their best. Manny could have been the greatest. The saddest words: what might have been.

[Laura Prelz]

Manny Haiku & Essay:

Coming down from roids
You really don’t play that well
But your man boobs grow

Manny you can’t man up to your mistakes. The Dodgers don’t need you and played better without you this season. Call it quits before your testosterone dips any lower. Ride your tricycle out of LA!

[Laura Prelz]

Manny Haiku & Essay:

Coming down from roids
You really don’t play that well
But your man boobs grow

Manny you can’t man up to your mistakes. The Dodgers don’t need you and played better without you this season. Call it quits before your testosterone dips any lower. Ride your tricycle out of LA!

[Brandon Vondera]

I wait tables for a living, you're paid to clear them.
I don't hate.

A guest of mine asked, "How's the duck?"
"Oh," I replied. "It's great!"

You cheated, were caught. Now that made me irate.

Manny, your goose has been cooked. Now show up at the plate!

[Jonathan Willson]

Manny your lack of passion has become tangible to the fans and its ruining dodger baseball. You strike out looking in important situations and just walk to the dugout like you’re on your way to make a sandwich. At least yell at the umpire. Eat later, we’ll pay for it.

[A.J.W.]

I loved watching you play baseball. My daughter dressed up like you for halloween. Then you blew it. You forgot about what matters. Your passion for the game became as dusty as that old costume. This year she's a Princess....she's no longer interested in you, or baseball. Thanks Manny.

[Greg]

Manny,
Quite simply you’re a bum,
Fertility drugs? Think we’re dumb?
“I had no idea, I was misled”
Just take a look at your juiced up bobble-head.
However, once I win the tickets I will be just like you,
As two-faced liar, I will cheer for you in Dodger Blue!

[Bob Keating]

Your slow butt and dull bat are peerless;
You're cold as a ditch digger's rear is.
If Torre is smart
He'll bench you, you fart.
Meet LVP Manny Ramirez.

[Judith L. Gualtiere]

M.R.:

43 Million Dollars=

100 police officers
100 firemen
250 teachers.........who are dedicated, love their jobs, and could use one right now.

Instead we have 1 slacker, Mannie Ramirez!
Look at your reflection in the mirror----can you even see it?

[Matt Liechti]

The Dodger’s are my passion, too bad they’re not Manny’s. It wasn’t bad enough that this kids’ role model cheated with steroids but now, Manny, you’re letting down your team and fans because you don’t care. Thanks a lot for your lackadaisical batting and left field jogging. Do something to earn that 17.5million!

[Matt Liechti]

The Dodger’s are my passion, too bad they’re not Manny’s. It wasn’t bad enough that this kids’ role model cheated with steroids but now, Manny, you’re letting down your team and fans because you don’t care. Thanks a lot for your lackadaisical batting and left field jogging. Do something to earn that 17.5million!

[Michel Gray]

Oh Manny, we could never badmouth you.

Not the woman that is going to have our child.

So nest in left field and know in a couple of weeks you’ll give birth to what we both deserve.

Another squandered season.

Love,

Your adoring fans

[Josh]

Manny is Manny. We knew that already. I'm as frustrated with his AB's as the next, but it's his first full season hitting NL pitching. He got them, now they're getting him. It's baseball.

37 with 16 years experience. Most his age can only DH, or write. Now, tickets, please?

[Brandon Vondera]

Manny comes to LA. Oh yeah!

Manny does steroids. Oh booooooooooo!
If I were Juan Pierre, I'd stage a coup.

But, I'm not, and neither are you.
He's the most class I've seen on that grass. You're just an ass.

Maybe you could learn a thing or two? Go Blue!

[Don Geller]

Sung to “Sherry Baby”

Manny, Manny Baby (2x)
Manny, won’t you come out to play?

(come out) You seemed to be for us
(come out) until you hired Scott Boras.

Then you kept us in the dark
as you hit ‘em out of the park.

You took advantage of Frank McCourt
but suspension cut your season short!

(trickster) Twenty-five million a year?
(Sosa) You really don’t seem to care.

Now your contract should be void
since you perform only on ‘roids.

But it’s hard to be a whiner
when you have the support of T.J. Simers.

Oh, Manny, why can’t you just go-oh, away?

[hal greenfader]

Lopez, Lopez.
It's simply uncanny.
The bug up your butt,
When you manhandle Manny.

Sure, the guy's gotten older,
The juices not flowing.
His neck looks much thinner,
While his tush keeps on growing.

Might be Arthritis.
Possibly Rickets

But, I really don't care.
I'll watch Juan Pierre,
beat the Yanks,
And give thanks
For Lopez' tickets.

[Manouk Akopyan]

The Sermon of Manny:

You were once a megalomaniac of men,
Then you took fertility drugs to reincarnate into Mother Carey’s Hen.
And now, you are vanished into the deep bowels of your ego,
Failing to accept that in everyone’s eyes, you’re more tattered up than a cross-country driven Winnebago.

[Manouk Akopyan]

The Sermon of Manny:

You were once a megalomaniac of men,
Then you took fertility drugs to reincarnate into Mother Carey’s Hen.
And now, you are vanished into the deep bowels of your ego,
Failing to accept that in everyone’s eyes, you’re more tattered up than a cross-country driven Winnebago.

[Ron Compton]

Manny has simply become shamefully self-centered. His self-importance has lead to a sense of intitlement. Such people rationalize that rules don't apply to them. They are afterall, "special". Like spoiled children, they act out when things don't go their way. But then we create these little monsters, don't we?