Letterman Top 10 list: Extortion and sex scandal edition
David Letterman's admission on his show Thursday night that he was the victim of an alleged extortion plot over relationships he had with female employees has Steve Lopez offering his own Top 10 list.
TOP 10 SIGNS THAT LETTERMAN HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIS STAFFERS
10. Lots of smiling by Bill Clinton during former president’s guest appearance.
9. Night after night, Paul Shaffer and his band keep playing “Take a Letter, Maria.”
8. Memo asking female staffers to remove clothing while screening “Stupid Human Tricks”
7. He really does get letters. Stacks and stacks of letters. From angry husbands.
6. When Drew Barrymore lifted her shirt, she was actually applying for work.
5. Dave offers “private tours” of Señor Wences' vault at the Ed Sullivan Theater.
4. Paper trail of secret payments to Dave’s mom so she’ll stay in Indianapolis.
3. Dave’s heart trouble in 2000 was not brought on by high cholesterol.
2. Favorite Dave line: “How’d you like to get into my Worldwide Pants?”
1. Biff Henderson has trunk full of panties, claims, “My lips are sealed.”
-- Steve Lopez
Read more Steve Lopez columns here.
For more Letterman coverage: Visit the Showtracker blog
EDITOR'S PICKS:
notice the plurual: female employees. dirty old man indeed.
Posted by: mrzod | October 02, 2009 at 11:29 AM
Ugh.
Posted by: S L | October 02, 2009 at 12:11 PM
Has DA Cooley cleaned up those 12,000 UnProcessed evidentiary Rape Kits Yet??
The ones that are allowing 12,000 Rape cases to Not go forward?
The ones waiting to bring JUSTICE to 12,000 Victims?
The ones allowing 12,000 current Rapists to be on the streets of LA?
Posted by: George | October 02, 2009 at 12:41 PM
A+ column Mr. Lopez. and i'm a Letterman fan. he's not my husband or boss.
Posted by: frieda406 | October 02, 2009 at 01:10 PM
Along with all the invaluable insights he offers on serious topics, Steve Lopez's wit is a priceless treasure...Thanks for this.
Posted by: violet | October 02, 2009 at 01:15 PM
What does this have to do with Los Angeles and therefore why is it on the L.A. Now page? I expect breaking news that relates to L.A., not op-ed pieces about events centered elsewhere, especially media fodder. Thanks.
Posted by: Lee-Roy Lahey | October 02, 2009 at 01:24 PM
lopez you hack.
Posted by: mr. t | October 02, 2009 at 01:28 PM
I hope these women got more than just sex. I mean, really!!! he isn't good looking.I can't imagine him with his clothes off.
Posted by: Marie | October 02, 2009 at 01:42 PM
Steve,
Stick to homeless, schizo cello players. Leave jokes to the pros. Please.
Posted by: Gary | October 02, 2009 at 02:15 PM
Love it! This is the ONE and ONLY Top 10 List I actually laughed at. Thank you...
Letterman is digusting, inside and out. I feel sorry for his young son, to grow up with this sorry excuse of a father. What a role model for treating women with respect (I'm talking about the wife/mother here; I don't have much respect for women who do extracurricular activities with their bosses!).
It's actually interesting, reading some of the comments on other Letterman stories, coming from men. About half of them are excusing Letterman's behavior and that "we don't know all the facts". Those are most likely men who do, in fact, enjoy extracurricular activities at work as much as Letterman does.
I'm getting a headache....
Posted by: Anusia | October 02, 2009 at 03:02 PM
This column was way too easy. I was waiting for someone to do this- only took a few hrs. Now I will await 10 more top 10's about Dave from other columnists. Cheap, easy comedy and it's pretty corny.
Posted by: Lisa Scanlon | October 02, 2009 at 04:07 PM
Tell Dave to slither back under the rock from were he came.
Posted by: CW | October 02, 2009 at 04:52 PM
Is it funny when a married father has a string of affairs, humiliates his family on the public stage, and then pretends that he's the victim?
About as funny as everything else on the Dave Letterman Show.
Posted by: Timothy | October 02, 2009 at 05:28 PM
This is really in poor taste. Dave was single at the time. After his son was born, he stopped dating other women. There have been no complaints against him by the women involved. While it is true, he should not have had sex with women who worked for him, this often happens. Sometimes there is pressure involved, but usually there is not. When men and women work together, and they are single, sex sometimes happens.
He did not cheat on his wife. He did not break any law. He did not force anyone to do anything. It seems to me that the extortionist would be a better target than the victim. Or don't you understand that Dave Letterman was the victim of a major felony?
Posted by: Joanne | October 02, 2009 at 05:44 PM
It's been a rough week for David Letterman. And I'm not
referring to all this clap trap about his stunning persona penetrating awe stuck female coworkers. I'm talking about how much moxie it took to compromise his morals by bravely giving a faux mea culpa in front of his adoring, astuteness challenged audience.
Well in a few days this unshocking tale of amorous trifling will be swept under the late night interview desk by the whatever next celebrity foolishness a couple of shots of Cuervo can unleash on the all too willing to forgive public. Ah, but therein lies the rub for Mr. Dave. While his confused worshipers accept and absolve, in contrast a dark cold cloud is forming above the mountains of cash and plunder he has amassed in his lofty mansions. To what do I refer?
The Top 10 Things Mrs L. is doing In Her free time
10. Learning to call all Dave's accountants by their first names.
9. Making sure Dave continues to take his heart medication.
8. Sitting at the kitchen table with a legal pad and
continually writing the word aggrieved followed by little frilly hearts.
7. Searching E-Bay for cash counting machines.
6. Now thinks of the world's financial crisis as paltry.
5. Calling Barak Obama and telling him she will soon be able to fix the nation's deficit problem.
4. Refers to the ex Mrs. Spielberg, ex Mrs.Mel Gibson,
Heather McCartney and even Kevin Federline as homeys.
3. Watches The Godfather, Kill Bill and The Wrath of Khan as motivation seminars.
2. Wondering how much it would cost to buy a continent; any continent!
And Numero Uno is...
1. Chanting 1 for you 100 for me and little Harry Joseph during yoga practice.
Posted by: Jason | October 02, 2009 at 06:30 PM
never liked letterman. too snide & smug. now who's laughing David?
Posted by: Tara | October 03, 2009 at 12:24 AM
Top Ten reasons a Late Night staffer would sleep with David Letterman.
1.Dressing up like Sarah Palin
2 Creepy is sexy!
3.Stupid sex tricks!
4.They will give him a rise if he gives them a raise!
5.Dave is funnier with his pants off!
6.Comedy relief after a long day.
7.Dave's "top ten" is better after the show.
8.They get the title of Exectutive seducer.
9.Dave only smokes his Cigars!
10. And the number one reason a Late Night staffer would sleep with Dave Letterman... He's their boss!
Posted by: Jeff | October 03, 2009 at 01:55 AM
If Pres. Bush had done this while in office, the Demo-rats would be screaming for his head. Letterman would have a decade of jokes about Bush. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. YES Letterman should be fired! And should people the sick people such as Mr. Lopez writing jokes about it in a paper where others think Lettermans sickness is funny too.
Posted by: Gary Whitacre | October 06, 2009 at 09:18 AM