And now, a few words from Chris Erskine

Here it is, our weekly sneak peak into the fevered brain of Chris Erskine, our Man of the House:

For two months, we have been getting these big yellow pumpkin blossoms but no gourds. What gives?

“I read on the Internet ...” Posh says.

Here we go again. More witchcraft from the Internet. Posh goes on to explain that, since there is a shortage of bees, it is left up to us to cross-pollinate the pumpkins.

Who says married people have no sex life?

According to the Web, pollinating the pumpkins involves identifying the male blossoms and the female blossoms and shaking pumpkin pollen from one to the next. Sort of like detasseling corn, I guess. Or chaperoning a seventh-grade dance.

This feels very god-like, even for an Alpha Dad like me. But I’m game. If this is what it takes to get pumpkins pregnant and save Halloween, then so be it. I’ll be bottling pumpkin wine before you can say....

“Um, we’ve got a problem,” Posh says after checking out the pumpkin blossoms.

“Just one?”

“They’re all boys,” Posh explains.

Read Chris' columns each Saturday in our Home & Garden section. And here's his full archive.