The good, the bad, the Valley

Kate in the Valley, who guest-blogs for us about her house-hunting experiences once a week, knows what she likes in a house. She also knows what she doesn't like:

"After seeing scores of homes, I've noticed that certain common features (all within a seller's control) make a big difference in how attractive their home is to me.  Below is a list of some features that I find most enticing and most discouraging in a property.  It's not an exhaustive list, but it's a fair start.

THE GOOD:

(1) A nice big covered front porch.  The vision of Mr. Kate and I spending summer nights sitting on our porch, waving to passing neighbors, is virtually irresistible.  If you've put inviting patio furniture and pretty potted plants out, I'm sure to give your house a little extra consideration.

(2) A high quality shaded deck out back for entertaining.  On a small tract house, usable outdoor rooms help me forget about the limited square footage but, for an outdoor deck to be usable in the Valley, it really needs to be shaded.

(3) New(er) plumbing, electric, roof, and a/c.  It's so nice if you've already done this.  I'll pay extra to not have to deal with contractors tromping through my house in the first few weeks that I live there.

(4) Credits.  For example, if you have a big ole dead tree in your yard and you do not want to remove it yourself then put a tree-removal credit right in the MLS description.  I'll think you are honest for admitting the flaw and reasonable for offering to cover the cost even if you won't take care of the problem yourself.  But more importantly, I won't be distracted by the big ole dead tree in the yard when I'm thinking about making an offer on your house."

Read below to find out the no-no's -- what turns Kate off.

"THE BAD:

(1) A swimming pool on a postage-stamp sized lot.  I don't mind a five to six thousand square foot lot, so long as you didn't replace your back lawn with water.

(2) Expensive but inappropriate upgrades.  More than once, I've stood in a front entry hall and seen marble, porcelain tile, cherry wood, and peg-and-groove flooring all intersect in a hideous Home-Depot-Flooring-Close-Out patchwork. It's also not okay to put expensive granite or marble counters on top of rickety 1949 cabinetry; I'll have to rip it out to put proper cabinets underneath.  Do it right, or don't do it all.

(3) Cheap, poorly planned, possibly un-permitted, additions.  If the only access to the backyard is through a bathroom, that's creepy. Equally undesirable is a coat closet converted into a bathroom that opens into the dining room. But worse still is the granny flat/dark room/sound studio that used to be a garage.  It's not a "bonus" room, it's an impaired garage.  You know what would be a bonus? Returning your garage to its original purpose so that you can take down the hideous car port that ate your front lawn.

(4) And, for the love of all things holy, get rid of that glass block you put in during the 80s.  You live in a ranch house not on the Miami Vice set, fix it."

Thanks, Kate. Now we know.
Read Kate's blog here.
Comments? Your own personal favorites and un-favorites?

Comments

[Dan]

Kate, all I can say is you turn me off. The first time I read your postings, I bought your story about the poor little girl trying to buy your first house. Now I feel like you're scamming me. You sound like a middle-aged male Realtor in drag. Why not fess-up and stop the pathetic story of deception! At least come up with a new photo....

[investorguy]

A kitchen that doesn't flow.You know the ones... no working triangle, appliances in the wrong places, an impossibly huge island. Spend 5 minutes pretending to cook.

[blah_to_you]

Of course paying $600+k for that postage stamp sized, 1960-70 circa, track shack (real value $250k in LA, $100k anywhere else in the country) wouldn't be on top of your list of "turn offs".

[Steve Reynolds]

Kate,

Just a little advice. You're living in fantasy land. Most people trying to get in this market would take a Maytag box on 3000 sq ft lot just to get in. Now you can be high and mighty about the flooring not flowing correctly or the glass block removal or waving to your neighbors from the porch, but you have no clue what you are in for. I was negotiating with Bank of America today on one of my existing income properties and it was like trying to deal with Scrooge or some loan shark from the mob. So before you start with the "I'll pay extra so I don't have to deal with the problems." Why don't you ask "Mr. Kate" how many extra hours he wants to work per week so you can have your perfect cabinets, typical spoiled brat.

[1]

I’ve always wondered what defined “valley girl”, now we know.

Valley girl (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)…
“…a more widespread and cartoonish stereotype of young women—typically characterized by a "ditzy" or "airheaded" personality, and unapologetically "spoiled" behavior that showed more interest in shopping, personal appearance, and popular social status, rather than in any intellectual pursuit.”

[burned out]

Kate, the house you want, pretty much everyone else wants too and is willing to bid 150 grand more for it than you are. Good luck. See you in 2010.

[buz algood]

Hilarious. I read it twice for an extra laugh. The "expensive but inappropriate" remodel is an epidemic which grew like mold during this recent housing craze. Looks like the shoe is on the other foot for a while all you sellers out there. No one is going to start a bidding war over your overpriced 1960's tract home with Miami Vice glass blocks in the bathroom.

[if it walks like a duck and if it sounds like a duck,]

Kate, I want a pony, too.

[if it walks like a duck and if it sounds like a duck,]

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna; Kate, you can do your window shopping all you wanna; but, the Lexus is on the other side of the glass. Just stay in your Yugo; and move on down the street; you're holding up traffic.

[yours truly, Johnny Dollar]

Katie, Mozilo and Larry.
Yuk, Yuk, Yuk.
Wu, Wu, Wu, Wu, Wu.
Wake up--and go to sleep.

[Kate]

Dan, Burned, Duck:

Newsflash: First time homebuyers in L.A. aren't little girls just starting out in the world. For the record, I'm an attorney in my mid-thirties. The expense of pursuing an education and the moves that go along with early career development made homeownership unreasonable until now. Mr. Kate and I are a dual income, no kids, family. We've saved up 20% down, we have established careers, and we have good credit; I think we can skip the Maytag box phase and go straight into a mid-century tract house in the Valley. We aren't talking about a castle here, People.

Steve writes:

"Why don't you ask "Mr. Kate" how many extra hours he wants to work per week so you can have your perfect cabinets, typical spoiled brat. "

Well, Steve, Mr. Kate is highly amused that you think he is supporting me. I am not at all amused and think you should crawl back into your chauvinist cave.

[Angel Garcia]

Kate, buy the ugliest home at the cheapest price you can. Live in it for 5 years, set aside 10000 a year, and fix the house little by little. In 5 years, the market will recover, you will make 2 bucks on the dollar... or just have the house of your dreams. This can't go wrong in ANY market. The value of the house is what YOU make it out to be. You want something turnkey, and that is going to cost you. Get a fixer upper, OR A FORECLOSURE, and just enjoy the fact you own a home. By the way, I bought a 3000 sq ft. home, 11000 sq. ft. lot 10 minutes from downtown LA for 460K, in December. It's a lot of work, but I enjoy fixing up my house!

[perks]

Dear Lord, give the girl a break! I for one think--for the most part--they're relevant points. I must have looked at hundreds of homes over the past couple of years and have to admit that three-quarters of them have one or more of the "bad" features to such an extreme that I'm totally turned off. I have the luxury of being able to wait before I buy a home (and now that I'm certain the market is tanking I'm most definitely in no hurry) so I'm continually looking casually.

It astounds me that it's actually that hard to find a home in the style I like that hasn't been butchered by a bad Home Depot remodel, an awful garage conversion, or some other feature that the owner is going to try to charge extra for but that I really, really don't want. Great, it's got marble floors and granite counters. I'm going to rip them out and put in what I want anyway, so don't try to convince me they're worth an extra $100K on the purchase price; the more of that junk you throw in there to inflate the value, the more it's gonna cost me to undo your work.

Sure, maybe it sounds like I'm picky. That's probably an apt judgment. But if I'm going to be plunking down the kind of cash that the So Cal market commands, why the heck shouldn't I be?

[AnnS]

"I want this, I want that, I want simply everything..... and god forbid I would have to lift a paintbrush to get it, I might break a nail."

What a crashing bore "Kate" is.

Anyone without such an overblown grandiose sense of entitlement would know that interior decor is something which you just assume you will change.

One person's Minimalist is another's "it looks like a factory."

What it 'latch-key' perfect as defined by your taste? Go save up your pennies and build something.

This little nitwit was throwing a fit a few weeks ago about how she could't get the cotract restructured to show a lower purchase price to save on real estate taxes by paying the realtors seperately.

Now she 'claims' she will pay more not to have to have contractors in the house fixing a faucet????

As indicated by her comment of " I'll think you are honest for admitting the flaw and reasonable for offering to cover the cost even if you won't take care of the problem yourself." this spoiled shallow and unrealistic brat wants it "flawless".....

Yeah right.....no such house has ever been built.

She reminds me of a buyer in a commercial real estate transaction we handled were we represented seller. It was a turnkey retail business in full operation and was being sold to an employee. After running through 3 loan offers (all of which he got in succession, all wonderful deals with financing at 125% of asset value...) because he 'could do better', it finally got to closing. Buyer then started hemming and hawing about finishing up the transaction because when he had been to the facility that AM, a light bulb had been burned out in a storage room. It had been over 8 hours trying to close it - and the title company was stunned at how much time it was taking. I threw the $1 at him for a light bulb and roared "Sign the damn documents or I will personally break you neck after I grab your hand and make you sign it! ENOUGH!! You work there so you know what you are buying." He signed.

I want this, I want that, I want simply everything.......

[Kate]

Angel:

Wow. Your house sounds like it's on its way to amazing! I'd love a fixer myself, but Mr. Kate is not so interested in home improvement. I'm sure we'll find some middle ground.

Perks:

It's incredible right? I'm in Pennsylvania right now and it's amazing how much farther your housing dollars go here. I hear it all the time, but it's one thing to hear it, ito know it, but t's another thing to walk down the street.

[AnnS]

" I'm an attorney in my mid-thirties. "

So which 'Kate' is this?

A month or two ago "Kate" was looking for a condo so she get her first place on her own and move out of her parents house.

Why don't I believe any of them?

I doubt this "Kate" is really practicing law - anyone does practice, knows there is no 'perfect' deal and whiny doesn't work with judges.

This "Kate" - call her "Kate" No. 2 - wouldn't have lasted 5 days in my law firm with her smart mouth and huge sense of entitlement.

[Teresa Rothaar]

Kate -- I am in Delaware, a stone's throw away from Pennsylvania. I am in Philadelphia every day. Yes, housing dollars DO go much further out here, and you are now seeing for yourself that what I (and others on this blog who have left SoCal) are saying is truthful.

Also, the Philly housing market is not being rocked by the sub-prime collapse. Not anywhere near as many buyers here took out sub-primes as in Cali, and our home values didn't skyrocket out of proportion with what folks around here earn.

Regarding what you want in a house, it sounds like you would be happier with a brandy-new home, one that you could order to your own customizations, than a "used" house. Even out here, not everyone has a screened porch and a shaded deck.

I disagree with the comment about giving a house "extra consideration" if the patio contains furniture and pretty plants. I don't care about that stuff unless it comes with the house. =)

[AnnS]

AnnS:

If you actually read these posts, you'd know: (1) that the last diarist was named Audrey and she was significantly younger than I am; and (2) that I am more than willing whip out my power tools and undertake a rehab. Indeed, I've done my fair share of painting, changing light fixtures, changing switches, and minor plumbing repairs. It's Mr. Kate that is loathe to take them on.

I love that you think I have a sense of entitlement because I don't want to rip out cheap shoddy work when I am paying three-quarters of a million dollars for a tract house in the Valley (of course, now that the market is crashing I won't be paying that much, but it's still not exactly high expectations). One of the two of us is way way out of touch with reality and the other one is me.

Finally, if you think you're constant whining will disuade me from posting you are sorely mistaken.

[Steve Reynolds]

Kate, there is a reason gluttony and greed are two of Dante's seven deadly sins. There are no free rides in this world and working hard is a commendable trait. I'm sure you and Mr. Kate (who loves his name) work your tails off, but he still works his hours for you, it’s how guys are programmed. Now look deep down inside yourself and ask this question, do you really want to give all those future billable hours to the bank?.....One more thing chauvinism is a two way street, care to join me in the cave.

[Kate]

Teresa:

Oh! Regarding patio furniture, I just meant a little curb appeal goes a long way in setting your house apart from the others in the current market (where there are 30 houses for sale with virtually the same floorplans). I wouldn't pay more because you dolled it up, but it would maybe by yours instead of your neighbors.

I actually do prefer an older home to a brand new one. But it doesn't matter much because there is no new construction in the areas I am looking unless it's a custom home priced well over a million which is out of my range.

I knew people were being honest about the differencs in real estate geographically, but when you've been hunting for six months and then you are sitting in a house that is $150k but would sell for $2M in your own neighborhood, it's just more tangible.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

[AK]

Kate is a classic case of a buyer who is obsessed with “outsmarting” everyone and getting a "deal of the century" that doesn’t exist. Market has softened and she just keeps raising the bar and she will continue to do so and will end up not buying anything. In her eyes, the property will always have flaws that are not up to her requirements and therefore will be worth less than the others are willing to pay.

She needs a shrink to help her to deal with her obsessive behavior of shopping and not a house. If I were MR. Kate, I would've probably dumped her by now and if I were the seller, I would never sell to someone like her.

You chased the market up, now you'll chase it down and will not by anything. I sure hope you prove me wrong, because I sure hope not to see anymore posts about you on this blog.

[GL]

I think all of you are missing the point of the post. Kate is being selective because she can. It is her money and she knows what she wants in this buyer's market. If I was to throw down $750K for a box in the valley, it better be close to everything I want for that money. You all sound like a bunch of frustrated realtors that can't believe someone has the gall to ask why a poor remodel is worth $750k because you put granite counter tops in. She is dead on about the poor remodels that are everywhere in the valley.

[Michael T]

I really like your writing style, Kate, it's fun to read.

I've found that for my wife and I the solution is to design and build custom. I've built two houses that way, the first 1800 sq. ft. and now I'm in a 2200 sq. ft. home of my own design. Found a good honest hardworking contractor, showed him what I wanted, now we are living in a house that, to us, is fairly flawless. We are considering doing the same thing, this time with a tear-down property. Certainly don't want to build a McMansion, I'm just picky and want things my own way. Sounds like we are alike in that way, no disrespect intended.

[Fred]

I think that all of the "I want this... I want that...." is simply "I am gonna wait until the prices drop to a reasonable level". Everybody knows it and the sellers better knock a bunch off of the price before they lose a lot more.

[Bernie]

I have no idea why these people are calling Kate entitled/ spoiled. Because she wants a certain house? People from anywhere else in the country look at housing prices in the Valley and laugh...and feel sorry for us for buying pieces of crap for many thousands of dollars. To me Kate doesn't seem like she is from here, because she knows the bloated value of the homes here.I think her experiences about house-hunting in LA are spot-on. I have looked at some over-priced dumps with horrible "upgrades". I agree, I don't want poured concrete counters or black marble fireplaces in a small cottage. I, too, didn't want contractors fixing things after I bought. Finally, I found a house that needed no fixing, was a good price, etc. Am I spoiled? No, just a consumer, finding what I wanted.