Dusty but recovered: Armour’s history
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The other day a friend offered me a stash of books. I don’t know about you, but I already have a stash of books; my unread books probably constitute stashes. I have more books than bookshelves, and a healthy deluge of new books sweeping in every day. But it’s a love of books that got me into this mess, so the stash of books found a home with me.
In the stash was a book by Richard Armour. Armour fought in WWII, got his PhD at Harvard and then taught English at Scripps College here in Southern California. He also wrote funny poetry -- syndicated to newspapers -- and prose. In 1953, he published ‘It All Started With Columbus: An Improbable Account of American History,’ with illustrations by Campbell Grant (that’s one above).
The book is a silly take on American history, set up like a textbook -- albiet a textbook full of puns, near-misses and malopropisms. Such as:
The struggle between England and Spain came to a climax in an epic sea battle off the Azores known as the Last Fight of the Revenge. In this decisive conflict, Sir Richard Greenville and Alfred Lord Tennyson proved conclusively that the lighter English warships could get more miles to the galleon. The leader of Texas’s fight for independence was Sam Houston. He was in class by himself, having gone to a small country school.
Sure, the humor is pretty corny, but did it read that way in the early ‘50s? I can’t quite tell. And it does seem to be strangely current. In an end-of-chapter ‘quiz’ section, it asks: ‘What would you say about the Puritans? Would you say the same thing if they were listening?’ Which seems like a perfect question for Sarah Vowell.
Armour’s humorous, more-modern-than-you-might-think take on California after the jump.
THE WINNING OF CALIFORNIA
California was discovered by John C. Frémont. This was thought unnecessary by the Mexicans and the Indians who were living there at the time, but they could not speak English and so did not count. On his way to California, Frémont followed the north fork of the platte, which was just above the south fork. He endured terrible hardships, including the failure of many persons to put the accent in his name, even though he reminded them repeatedly. On one occasion his food supply ran so low that he was forced to eat his own horse, from which he first dismounted. Altogether he traveled six thousand miles, partly on horseback and partly on a full stomach.... LIFE IN OLD CALIFORNIA Californians who were unsuccessful in finding gold went into other enterprises. Some went into business. Some went into professions. Almost everyone went into saloons.
Armour’s ‘It All Started With Columbus’ was a bestseller, and was followed up with other ‘It All Started With...’ books. Now they can be found in used bookstores and online for $5 or less, which, if you’ve got a soft spot for corny, is quite a bargain.
-- Carolyn Kellogg
