Three months after a homicide: Dovon Harris, continued

(Note: HR has been following the experiences of Watts resident Barbara Pritchett, below, whose 15-year-old son Dovon died from a homicide on June 17, 2007. (See: "Dovon Harris: One Month Gone By" and "Two Months Gone By." ) On Tuesday, the Report checked in on Pritchett to talk about her life three months after the murder.)

This time, Barbara Pritchett cried throughout the interview.

She had not done this before. It's typical of how things have been, she said. She's been crying more in recent weeks. "I try to go on with my life. But I think about him every day--minute by minute," she said. "And I am starting to really, truly miss him."

That part is new, she said--the acute sense of his absence. Events without Dovon have begun to accumulate. Each new milestone carries new pain: School starting. His 16th birthday coming up. A planned family reunion.

"I miss my baby so bad, I really do. Before I was trying to be so strong.... But it is so hard. I miss him so much."

Pritchett also has started being nagged by a small, troubling thought: "I think maybe I still don't accept my baby's death," she said. "It seems like a dream to me. Like he is just gone somewhere. I don't think the toll has taken effect yet."

It makes her afraid. She has a vague sense of reality lurking, waiting for her. "I hope I don't wind up with some kind of breakdown," she said.

Pritchett has made plans to go back to work. A job as a home health care worker is waiting for her. She is apprehensive, worried about not being able to control her crying.

For now, her days are filled with tasks for other family members. She provides day care for her 18-month old nephew Kilien (above), and looks after her 11-year-old younger brother.

Each day, she hopes to get through her morning routine without dwelling on Dovon. If she can get through breakfast, and take her brother to school, "It might be a good day," she said.

A bad day is when she wakes up early, goes downstairs alone, thinking about Dovon.

Often she stays in the house. She goes to the cemetery. She brings balloons to the place where  they shot Dovon, and tapes them to a light post. She thinks about the killers, who are facing trial. She has imaginary conversations. She asks them, "Why?"

Recently, she had her first dream about Dovon. He came back. Family members touched him and asked, 'Is it really you?" and Dovon smiled. A knock woke her. "I knew it wasn't real," she said. "But I would give anything for it to have been real."

She talked to transplant people, who told her Dovon's donated organs have saved four men's lives.

Pritchett wants to meet the recipients. They told her it was not a sure thing: The recipients might feel uncomfortable. "Sometimes they feel bad about where their organs were taken from,"  Pritchett explained.

Recently, Pritchett was home and heard a gunshot. Just a shot in the air, she thought. Later she went out and there was yellow police tape on the street. It was a homicide--committed within throwing distance of her apartment building. Pritchett fell apart.

She is getting used to saying, "My son was murdered." At first it sounded too harsh, she said. But it's the truth, she said, and people need to see it.

"I think people think this happens to people whose parents are not involved in their lives. They think it's all just gang members, or that the parents are not around," she said. "They just don't know."

Comments

[Gabe]

Nice job on that Jill, very moving.

[Sydney]

Hold fast to your memories of your precious son and get yourself to a Parent's of Murdered Children or grief group. You cannot be expected to get through this by yourself, it's too horrific and no parent should have to go through what you're experiencing.

[Mary]

Barbara, I am praying for you. If you can, please try to find a counselor or a group where you can share your pain with other parents.Don't try to get through this alone.

[LISA FRANKLIN-GROCE]

RENE AND ANGELA

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CRY ALONE CAUSE GOD WILL BE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE TO HELP YOU BE STRONG
GIRL CRY YOUR EYES AND PRAY GOD UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. I'M CRYING FOR YOU. I WILL PRAY THAT TIME WILL HELP YOUR PAIN.

REMEMBER TALK TO THE LORD

[teresa]

I know barbra just what you are going threw my nephew was FABIAN COOPER and the young guy he was murderd with was a good friend of mine. There are not enough words that can exspress how me and my family fill it is a void that can nerver and i mean never be filled because some NO NOTHING HATEING ANIMAL took there life, they were very good kids fabian grew up with eveything a child could possibly every think of he had the family he had the love and the home,this was a young man with the world at his finger tips very smart and handsom but he took everybody as being he's friend not knowing that they wanted to be him. But the goodness of my fabian still live on threw his son that i can see him in his eyes every day thank god. But what the killer of these two murders did'nt know that they where children of god thank god he is never late he was on time for fabian i know that for fact .

P.S.
Just words to the killer for thought.

so barbra stay storng and stay praying you will nerver get over it. just get threw it!

[tanisha jones]

i understand your loss. you have good days and also bad days. you know what happened but ur mind wont let you accept it.sometimes it feels like your loved one is on vacation . even after planning and fuenerals and burials and months pass your mind cant comprehend the big picture. i am going through the same thing, my brother is in this very same blog. he was murdered april 1,2007. you have to find an outlet for your pain whether it be church or group counseling. this is too much to deal with alone. even though we feel as if no one could possibly understand, this blog shows us there are hundreds of familys who feel everything we feel. please find a support system, you need to keep yourself strong.im always praying for all surviving familys and friends.

[Fred]

Ms. Pritchett, I extend my deepest condolesense and prayers to you and your family. My nephew Carl Young Jr was murdered July 30, 2007 in Inglewood. The pain I feel on a daily basis is unimaginable. So I know that as a parent to loose your child it has to be disabling. I

I don't want to tell you "to be strong, you’ll get through it; he's in a better place". Although all of these things maybe true, you are entitled to feel the way you feel.

I read a poem that has been helpful for me. Paraphrased, our time on earth has already been predetermined before were born, God has called his child home to be with him. God allowed us the opportunity to share in our loved ones life. Now he wants his child home with him. Their home with other loved ones who were called home prior to them. Their shinning and smiling down on us, and would not want to return to earth even if they could. So embrace the memories, time shared and love expressed.

There's a grieving process after a loss. DABDA
D-Denial of the loss,
A-Anger,
B-Bargaining,
D-Depression,
A-Acceptance.

There's is not a set length of time, to experience these step, and a person can also start the process and regress back to Denial.

FYI- Victims of crime will pay for therapeutic services to help you through this grieving process.

[T Jay]

Barbra,

My deepest condolense to you on your lose. I truely can understand the pain you go through, my little cousin was taken from us by murder. Sometime it really feels like their just away, but will be back soon, then it feels like some how, some way, through a higher power it seems like you could hopfully bring that love one back into your life. My aunt would actualy cry with grief so much that she would blackout, and be at home on the floor in one place for hours by herself, until her other kids came home. These gang bangers just don't understand how many lives they affect by their evil acts. Then, when their caught like in our case his sorry reason was he was on some gang banging sh*&, and he didn't even know my cousin, or what he was about. This kid would talk his gang banging friends into going to church with him to show them a purpose in life, not the way their going.I could go on but I don't have the time. Barbra, may the Lord comfort you through your pain, I pray that each day get a little easier for you.

[Robin & Dion Miles, Sr.]

It's been three months since the homicide of Dion Miles, Jr. and on September 29, 2007 it will be three months since his burial. We've been fortunate in our case that the murderer of our son was quickly apprehended and brought to justice. We've been to 4 hearings to date and the next hearing which is the pre-trial is only weeks away.

Each time we've attended a hearing we have sat in the very front row of the courtroom and looked directly into the eyes of the 17 year old boy (Kavon Jones) who was callous enough to take our son's life by shooting him at point blank range in the head. Each time we attend these hearings we re-live the nightmare that we cannot seem to wake from.

It still feels surreal and unbelivable at what my husband and I have been through (both emotionally and physically) and what we continue to go through on a daily basis as a result of our son's murder. What's harder to accept is the 'Black on Black' crime that continues to add numbers to the Los Angeles Homicide Blog. What is even harder to accept is the relatives that have attempted to capitalize on the murder of our son.

My husband and I will never get over the loss of our son or get over the horrible way in which he died. Our consolation comes that we know it is always darkest before the dawn and as each day passes we will gain just a bit more strength to change the things that we can, accept the things that we cannot change and that God will give us the wisdom to know the difference. Life as unfair as it is ...goes on and we can still make a difference for his brother Dale Miles.

In Loving Memory of Dion Miles, Jr.

Dion & Robin Miles, Sr.

[Silky]

My heart and prayers go out to you, for I too,have loss my beautiful son Christopher Jacobs to jealousy, but I know for a fact that the Lord has him now
I know there are days you just feel like youre whole heart is laying on the ground, but i can ruly say the Lord will give you peace, and yes cry cry cry, for i did and at one point felt i was not trusting in God word, but the Holy Spirit reminded me JESUS WEPT when Lazarus died, He was in human form at that time loved his friend, so God knows how we feel, I love you w/a unconditional love and if you need to speak to a mother that knows what youare feeling I do. Jill did an interview and article with me when my son died, she is very passonate.. email me silkybo2@yahoo.com

[Terrence Redix]

Ms Pritchitt,
The dream was real. My interpretation of the dream when Dovon came to you and the family was touching him and asking was it really him, is he was letting you know that he is fine and you should go on and live your life. Even though he has moved on physically, spiritually he will always be with you. He will always live in your heart. I've lost so many people in my life. It's tough at first. Grieving is a process. Give yourself time. It's always good to have someone to talk to, for example, another family member, friend, minister, or parent who has lost a child, or someone you feel comfortable talking wih. It gets easier with time. Work could be a good thing. It will give your mind a break. Prayer and meditation works too.I don't know if you believe in God, or not. But if you beieve in a higher power, Jesus or, whatever you choose to call it. Take it to Jesus. Tell him how you feel. Ask him to give you the strengh. Ask him for grace and wisdom. Read the bible or something spiritual for at least 15 min or longer every day. I guarantee you will feel better. Seek God. He is here for us. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you. In time your heart will heal. peace

[Jeff]

Ms. Pritchett,

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to understand or relate to the loss of a child, especially to violence. I will pray for you and your family tonight and for the end to violence in our society. Nobody deserves to go through what you are experiencing.

I applaud your courage and hope and pray that peace will begin to move into your heart.

Peace to you,

Jeff

[BERNADETTE LONG]

I AM A MOTHER THAT WALKED THIS PATH11 MONTHS AGO MY BABY WAS MURDERED ON MARCH 11TH 2006 AND I HAVE NOT ACCEPTED THE FACT HE'S GONE I TRULY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND I SEND MY PRAYERS TO YOU

[YOLIE]

MS PRITCHETT,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I HAVE AN 18 YEAR OLD SON. I KNOW I WOULD DIE WITHOUT HIM. I ADMIRE YOUR STRENGTH. CONTINUE TO LIVE FOR YOU AND DEVON. GOD BE WITH YOU.