No more 'Dancing With the Stars' for Susan Boyle for now

Seems like we all just "Dreamed a Dream" of a Susan Boyle-"Dancing With the Stars" repairing after all. Extra is reporting that the Scottish YouTube sensation is apparently suffering from a severe throat infection and cannot fly in for Tuesday's "DWTS" results show. An ABC rep confirms the "Britain's Got Talent" singer will be a no-show, but there's still no word on a rescheduling or on a SuBo replacement for Tuesday -- although the rep says she suspects host Tom Bergeron will discuss that last part on Monday night's show. 

This is just the latest wrinkle for this season of the ABC dancing competition, which has included fighting words between contestant Michael Bolton and judge Bruno Tonioli as well as that Sarah Palin BooGate fiasco -- and the season just kicked off three weeks ago.

For her part, there doesn't seem to be any correlation between this and Boyle's "America's Got Talent" bailout -- that one had to do with copyright issues, and if you'll recall, she was said to be pretty torn up about not being able to perform.

What do you think of all this? Who would you like to see replace Boyle on Tuesday night's program? And, for the die-hard Boyle fans who are taking this news pretty hard, here's a video of her November 2009 "DWTS" performance.

-- Whitney Friedlander

Photo: Susan Boyle sings for pilgrims at Bellahouston Park in Glasgow, Scotland. Credit: Andrew Yates / AFP/Getty Images

Susan Boyle skips 'America's Got Talent,' but don't blame Lou Reed

Susan Boyle may have disappointed some "America's Got Talent" audience members when she didn't perform for the show Wednesday night, but it wasn't because Lou Reed was trying to keep her from giving his "Perfect Day" the "Wild Horses" treatment.

Boyle's reps told Access Hollywood on Thursday that due to a glitch, the song had been cleared for performance in the British market but not for television in the United States -- meaning that, no, it couldn't be part of the "AGT" season finale that will air next week.

SuBo had rehearsed only the one song, so when the plug got pulled and there wasn't time to put another number together for the show, she headed back to London.

After the jump, check out video of a bunch of other people singing "Perfect Day."

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Miley Cyrus gets naughty on British TV -- and we take the bait [poll]

Miley Cyrus is a naughty, naughty, naughty girl! Oh my, yes! Yes she is!

OK, not really, but that's what we felt like we were supposed to write after watching the video above.

The Anti-Hannah, it seems, went all Adam Lambert in front of a UK television audience Thursday night, wearing a Dark and Sexy Costume and howling a Dark and Sexy Rock Song and delivering a Dark and Same-Sexy Kiss.

(Well, almost a same-sex kiss -- she just faked it. Sort of pointed lips at another chick. Kind of like kissing the back of your hand when you make out with the other girls at the slumber party. Which apparently happens on some planet that exists only in the movies, yet we believe it to be truth nonetheless.)

This was all packaged in a not very dark or sexy guest performance of "Can't Be Tamed" on "Britain's Got Talent," the show that introduced the world to then-contestant Susan Boyle. Not that it was a bad performance -- what do we know from pop criticism, right? -- just not particularly dark or sexy.

And to think, we'd been spooked once before about the inherent dangers of Miley performing on live TV.

A wise person once said, find what works and then copy it -- but of course a wise person ...

Susan Boyle inks a deal to write her autobiography

Susan Boyle, the overnight Scottish singing sensation who dreamed a dream until it came true (and then started to have a few nightmare moments), has signed a deal to write her autobiography, the BBC reports.

"I'm writing this book to try to show that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and I hope it will benefit other people," said Boyle, who acknowledged that she's "grown up a lot" in the past year and isn't as frightened as she once was.

Title of the tome, which is due out this fall? "The Woman I Was Born to Be."

Of course, now we can't wait to see what the cover will look like.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Susan Boyle makes a guest appearance at a Yomiuri Nippon Symphony Orchestra concert in Tokyo on April 1, 2010. Credit: Shizuo Kambayashi / Associated Press 

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PARTY OF NO! No Mrs. Michael Jackson; no KStew-Jesse James mistress link; no more music from Miley Cyrus

The Ministry of Gossip is throwing a little "party of no" -- or maybe it's a "party of know" -- as we close out the week. Grab what you want from the fridge, there are snacks out on the patio, and you can grab a seat anywhere.

Now seems like a good time to get a few things straight, no?

There is no secret Mrs. Michael Jackson, the singer's estate reports to the court. This should upset a few folks who've sent a few e-mails. You know who you are. TMZ

Similarly, there is no Christmas-dinner BFF link between "The Runaways" star Kristen Stewart and self-reported Jesse James Mistress No. 3, Brigitte Daguerre. Gossip Cop

Also, no good reason to hang around Jesse James' West Coast Choppers with a camera. CBS News

No sign of Sandra Bullock. Celebrity-Gossip.net

No reason to worry your text messages will be sold to a tabloid. Tiger Text

No divorce brewing for Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. OK! Magazine

No place like (a new) home for Susan Boyle. People

Also, no more music from Miley Cyrus after her June release. She's all about movies now. E! Online

Hopefully that's enough oppositional behavior to get you through the night. Let's toast to a good weekend, shall we? 

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Michael Jackson in 2005. Credit: John G. Mabanglo.

Think the Ministry is really done? The answer would be no!

No, Beyonce isn't pregnant

No, MTV didn't ban "Telephone"

No truth to the rumor that Kristen Stewart can't smile

Want the headlines? Don't say no! Follow us on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs) or become a fan on Facebook. 

Evil Adam Lambert slams sweet Susan Boyle? Not exactly

What is it with celebrity interviews lately? Must everyone take things out of context?

Adam Lambert spoke with U.K. magazine Gay Times for its March issue, in an interview excerpted here. Yes, he criticizes Susan Boyle's album. But does he "slam Susan Boyle"? Was the point of the interview to trash her album and extend his "15 minutes of fame"? Has he "gone on the record to tell everyone what he really thinks" and blame SuBo's album for his failure? Hardly. 

[A]dam answered his critics when For Your Entertainment sold 200,000 copies in its first week on sale, charting above new releases from Rihanna and Lady Gaga, albeit outsold by a certain Scottish lassie… 

"I know, if only it weren’t for Susan Boyle!” Adam laughs. “I’m happy for her success, but that album is terrible. Wild Horses is the one that made me laugh the hardest. I just died when I heard it, I was crying with laughter. It was the most horrendous, sacrilegious treatment of that song! 

"Still, when my album charted, it was validating. I was feeling [a] bit attacked, like I had to vindicate something. I thought: ‘Wow, look what I did.'"

Does that read as if the Real Adam Lambert was twirling his villainous imaginary mustache, or shaking a fist at the heavens, and, in the spirit of "Scooby-Doo," cursing, "If only it hadn't been for Susan Boyle and those meddling kids! I would've gotten away with it!"

Or does it read as if, perhaps ...

Across-the-pond updates: Susan Boyle, Amy Winehouse, Ricky Gervais and more

Aside from that mandatory annual screening of "Love Actually," and with the holiday almost within reach, let's really check in on our friends across the pond.

Susan Boyle, the Scottish sensation of "I Dreamed a Dream" fame, continues to dominate U.S. charts with her debut disc. For a fifth straight week it looks as if SuBo will fend off another round of new chart entries. This time her challenger is Mary J. Blige after Boyle won last week's chart smackdown over Alicia Keys. 

Speaking of smackdowns, fellow singer Amy Winehouse might take a note and keep her battles on the charts as well. The singer ...

Susan Boyle sings with Elaine Paige, crushes on Hasselhoff -- and will perform for Michelle Obama?

When Susan Boyle first appeared on "Britain's Got Talent," she told judge Simon Cowell that her dream was to be as successful as Elaine Paige.

Seems that's working out OK for for Susan -- she and the "first lady of musical theatre" just sang "I Know Him So Well" together for "I Dreamed a Dream: The Susan Boyle Story." The special airs this Sunday. 

Cutest thing -- according to the Daily Mail, the duet was kept a secret from Susan until shortly before the performance. 

There's also word via Britain's Daily Express that Boyle has been invited to sing at the White House on Jan. 17 for First Lady Michelle Obama's birthday, in a "small, intimate gathering" at the private residence.

But what's her most memorable moment, to date, during her rapid ascent to fame?

(Remember, the world met SuBo only this past April).

It was, she says on her YouTube channel, when she appeared on "America's Got Talent" and got to meet Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne and "the Hoff -- he's a nice wee hunk." 

Shocking news from Sharon Osbourne: Susan Boyle not very attractive!

Oh come on, Sharon Osbourne: Just because you say it to Opie & Anthony on satellite radio doesn't mean we can't hear you out here in the rest of the world.

Sharon took it upon herself to reveal that "Britain's Got Talent" runner-up Susan Boyle isn't really very pretty at all. And to impress us again with her own extensive vocabulary.

Who knew, Sharon, who knew? Thanks bunches for that scoop.

Here's the thing: If you pick on a person's looks, you run the risk that someone will turn that game around and trash-talk people you actually care about.

"Eye of the beholder" and all that.

Just a thought.

Stay classy.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: We were going to run a picture of Sharon Osbourne, but we decided she wasn't nearly pretty enough. So here's a shot of Susan Boyle waving to fans at a soccer game in Glasgow, Scotland, on Oct. 22. Credit: Jeff J Mitchell / Getty Images