Category: Super shocking surprises

Lindsay Lohan's middle finger tells the judge what she really thinks [poll]

Lindsay-lohan-middle-finger Hey, Lindsay Lohan -- passive aggressive much? A big deal was made of Lohan finally showing some respect to the court Tuesday by showing up on time, appropriately dressed, for the probation violation hearing that wound up pointing her toward a 90-day jail sentence followed by 90 days of in-patient rehab.

Upon further review, however, it seems the wayward starlet's respect might have been -- shock of all shocks -- merely skin deep. Or perhaps only topcoat deep, as the nail on the middle finger of her left hand sported a custom design: the eminently respectful sentiment " ... you" -- fill in the blank yourself, you know you can -- inscribed against a groovy psychedelic background, legible right-side-up to anyone that middle finger might be aimed at.

Sure, maybe that's just for telling off the paparazzi, but the only one it's facing toward in this picture taken from court (here's a closeup -- don't click if you can live without cuss words) is Judge Marsha Revel

Those who comment here regularly know that the Ministry doesn't do the profanity thing for publication, but we do know what such words are for -- and we acknowledge that LiLo's message was more respectful, relatively speaking, than "go ... yourself," or "I'm getting so ... by this whole proceeding, don't they know I'm a star?"

But maybe "I totally ... up, and I'm sorry" would've been more appropriate. 

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Lindsay Lohan hears she's been found in violation of her probation in a Beverly Hills courtroom on June 6, 2010. Credit: David McNew / Reuters / pool 

Related dispatches from or presented by the Ministry of Gossip:

Jail and rehab for Lindsay Lohan -- good move or bad? [poll]

Lindsay Lohan sentenced to 90 days in jail, 90 days in rehab

Lindsay Lohan probation hearing gets off to a slow start

A Lindsay Lohan timeline -- in case you've had a life till now

None of these dots of light is carrying Lindsay Lohan any closer to court

Readers to judge: Send Lindsay Lohan to jail or stop wasting taxpayer dollars

Hey judge, Lindsay Lohan might be late coming back from France. Little passport problem? [updated]

Lilo-cannes-web If nothing else, we are impressed with the epic chaos inherent in Lindsay Lohan's latest wacky adventure.

Lohan says she has no passport anymore, TMZ reports, alleging it was stolen during her whirlwind visit to Cannes, where she went because it was absolutely totally important to promote -- wait, was it the Linda Lovelace movie that's not in production yet? Or her clothing line? Or was it just to hang out?

No matter -- no passport would, of course, mean there'd be no way she could fly home in time for her scheduled 8:30 a.m. court appearance Thursday. She tried her darnedest (of course she tried, because isn't your picture in the tabs just as good as your picture on a passport?), but some people who were no fun at all apparently turned her away at the airport.

[Updated, 5:01 p.m.: Lohan tells Gossip Cop that she suspects it was an inside job orchestrated by her father, Michael Lohan, and notes that flights out after she's expecting to get her replacement are all booked up.]

Her lawyer tells TMZ that "everything we can" -- like setting up an appointment at the U.S. Embassy -- is being done to remedy things. But then an embassy official tells Radar Online that, although the passport has been reported stolen, no replacement has been requested? Well, perhaps that's what the appointment is for.

Granted, it's hard to hold on to things like official documents when you're busy overseas at a Belvedere vodka party right before your meeting with a judge about your possibly slipshod attendance at alcohol education classes. But, all in all, at this point we'd rather be the guy who lost the iPhone.

Perhaps Roman Polanski will offer her a guest room at his chalet while she's stuck in Europe? Maybe some travel tips? 

"This was not a planned scheme," mom Dina Lohan tells Radar.

And, you know, that actually makes a certain kind of sense. If anyone can see actual "planning" here, more power to them. 

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Seriously, where would *you* keep a passport? The judge in L.A. will surely understand, or face accusations of being an international party pooper. Lindsay Lohan arrives for the Chopard 150th anniversary party at Cannes on Monday. Credit: Matt Sayles / Associated Press.

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

PREACH IT! Yes, Lindsay Lohan has a job and you don't. Get over it.

Lindsay Lohan gunning for role as 'Deep Throat' diva? [poll]

Has Lindsay Lohan violated her probation? That might mean jail

PREACH IT! There are no words to describe the Lohan mess. Or are there?

Want the headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs) or 'like' us into your news feed on Facebook.

Want to see what Tiger saw? Rachel Uchitel reportedly will pose for Playboy [poll]


David Boreanaz saw it. Tiger Woods saw it. And now we may all be able to see it for ourselves: Rachel Uchitel's naked body, "it" is.

And we won't even have to text her first.

TMZ reports that Uchitel will pose nude for Playboy, in a shoot that's set to go down three weeks from now. Maybe we shouldn't get all up in her face about it, though -- TMZ's source says she's reserved the right to pull out at any time, and that would spoil the fun.

You just laughed. You know you did. And a topic of this seriousness deserves -- you know it -- a nonscientific online poll, presented by our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photos: (from left) David Boreanaz. Credit: Matt Sayles / Associated Press

Rachel Uchitel. Credit: Katy Winn / Associated Press

Tiger Woods. Credit: Michael Bryant / Philadelphia Inquirer / MCT

The Ministry loves it, in a teen-boy sort of way, when celebrities -- even B-list types -- get nekkid. For more dish on Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods and infidelity in general, click and scroll down.

Want the headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs) or 'like' us into your news feed on Facebook.

Justin Timberlake surprises a bride-to-be, courtesy of Oprah Winfrey

What is it with Oprah Winfrey and making fans' dreams come true? Last week we learned about Robert Pattinson showing up in a Chicago suburb -- now Justin Timberlake has popped up on a Los Angeles golf course, leaving a bride-to-be speechless.

According to JustinTimberlake.com, "a mom in Louisville, Kentucky wrote Oprah just three weeks before her daughter Julie’s wedding, revealing Justin Timberlake was Julie’s first crush and that 'Julie would just lose her mind if she got the chance to meet Justin, and I think it would be a great wedding present.' "

Check out the video after the jump.
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On 'Oprah,' Dr. Phil shaves off his trademark mustache [poll]


In a move we can only hope is as socially significant as Kate Gosselin's decision to get hair extensions, Dr. Phil McGraw shaved off his mustache Friday on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Dr-phil1web Winfrey was broadcasting live from Radio City Music Hall in New York to mark the 10th anniversary of her magazine.

McGraw's upper lip apparently hasn't seen the light of day for 40 years, which sort of freaks us out a little when we think about that lip smooching his wife, Robin (who was in the audience, by the way).

Then we realize, hey, we're thinking about Dr. Phil making out with his wife -- and that freaks us out a lot. 

After the deed was done, McGraw said he felt "awfully drafty."

This post really needs to end here, doesn't it? But first -- a nonscientific online poll.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photos: Oprah Winfrey takes the first try at shaving off Dr. Phil McGraw's mustache, as Dr. Mehmet Oz, far left, and a professional barber look on during the "The Oprah Winfrey Show" live from Radio City Music Hal on May 7, 2010, in New York. At right, the "after" shot of a clean-shaven Dr. Phil. Credit: Evan Agostini / Associated Press.

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

All a mom could ask for? How about a surprise visit from Robert Pattinson, thanks to Oprah

PREACH IT! Rihanna's haircut of the undead [poll]

The hedgehog is dead: Meet Kate Gosselin's new hair

Click and scroll down for all things Oprah. Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs) or get us in your news feed on Facebook

All a mother could ask for? How about a surprise visit from Robert Pattinson

Rpattz visit There are plenty of cool moms. And then there's the coolest mom.

The coolest mom -- her name is Maria Miuli Mele, incidentally -- is the one who works it so Robert Pattinson shows up at your front door.

On a school night, no less.

The Meles were among three Illinois families who got a visit from the "Eclipse" star Tuesday night, courtesy of "The Oprah Winfrey Show," immediately after he arrived in the States. The Ministry caught up with the stay-home mom Thursday while she was "finishing up the dishes, coming back to reality" after the week's star-fueled excitement.

"I'm just an average house mom with four kids," she said, the smile still showing in her voice, "and Robert Pattinson's in my house!"

It's no secret that Pattinson -- with Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Dakota Fanning -- will be on "Oprah" on May 13. Also no surprise that tickets for the show were snapped up quickly.

Mele wasn't daunted however, having learned top-notch "Twilight" fan techniques on a trip to New York with daughter Rosanna Mele to get in the red-carpet fan zone at the "Remember Me" premiere (a crumb cake bribe got them close enough for autographs, which Mele said just made them "more obsessed").

"We're just a crazy family, we do crazy things together," she said.

Things like dressing up as the Cullen family and submitting those pictures (shot by dad Sam, who's in construction) for an opportunity to be part of Oprah's "Twilight" show. Also included ...

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Sandra Bullock and baby Louis: the secret viewed in hindsight


What didn't we know, and when didn't we know it?

Celebrity gossip sites have been trolling the records for clues that Sandra Bullock had a new little man in her life, Louis Bardo Bullock, whose adoption was announced Wednesday in what the Ministry's Preach It! column called "one of the most ninja public relations moves ... out of an A-list celebrity since Angelina Jolie hooked up with the United Nations."

Turns out there were a few good clues.

In her lead actress Oscar acceptance speech, Bullock thanked "what this film was about for me, which are the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from," and also thanked her late mother "for reminding her daughters that there's no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We are all deserving of love."

And on a more nuts-and-bolts level, TMZ noticed that Bullock paid special attention ...

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PREACH IT! Well, would you look at that -- nekkid celebrities

Kim kardashian It has come to our attention that a slew, nay, a spate of stars have been doffing their clothes and cavorting about naked in front of camera lenses of late, and for all manner and class of purpose. (Why these nude shoots inspire us to talk like clients in a Sherlock Holmes tale, we couldn’t tell you.)

We already know about Kara DioGuardi. Now add to the list Ricky Martin, who went nekkid for a video he made a few years back but didn’t release until now, and Kim Kardashian, who posed for Harper's Bazaar wearing nothing but her own satiny ego. Martin lolls about on glowing Plexiglas and gets tattoos while nude. Kardashian is just naked, which, for the record, is plenty entertaining enough.

It should also be noted that a few other stars are choosing to go bare about the face and neck; Jessica Simpson has posed for a closeup on the cover of Marie Claire completely devoid of cosmetics, with her hair, as the magazine put it, air-dried. Kardashian also has said that her photo was not computer altered. (Back in 2002, actress Jamie Lee Curtis blasted a hole in the self-satisfied fashion world by appearing in More magazine without any retouching.)

Of course the fans are leaping up and down and celebrating all this daring nakedness ...

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Nicole Scherzinger and Tim Urban, just playin' the game -- and we're ambivalent about that

Dwts nicole Bye-bye Brenda -- Shannen Doherty was cut from "Dancing With the Stars" on Tuesday night; I suspect it was a lack of phone calls from women of a certain age who always thought Kelly and Dylan were the better match on the classic "90210."

Dwts shannen That means Kate Gosselin and Buzz Aldrin will be around for another week -- she says she thought she was going to throw up; he says folks must really love the space program we had back in the day. We can't argue with either of them.

Just a reminder, in case you missed it the first time around: The fact that Nicole Scherzinger sings and dances for a living gives her absolutely no advantage whatsoever on "DWTS." She and her partner, Derek Hough, already told you that. And if you're thinking differently, it's because you're just jealous because she's pretty, way prettier than you are, and you're the only person in the world who's thinking that. As if.

Over in "American Idol" land ... 

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PREACH IT! There’s a Team Jesse? And there are people on it besides Jesse?

James mug It didn’t seem possible only a few days ago, but there it is. People -- real live human beings with brainstems and higher functions -- are coming out in support of Jesse James.

One of those people is is Jesse James, yes, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

First, the other people, starting with comedian Russell Brand. At last night’s Victoria’s Secret swim party, Brand was asked what he thought of James and that other pillar of fidelity, Tiger Woods.

“I like them!” he told E! Online. “They seem like nice guys.”

Yes, this is the same Russell Brand who is engaged to Katy Perry and thinks he can stay that way while saying nice stuff about Jesse James.

Anyway. We move on.

James’ employees are also being trotted out, or -- wait, did I just write that? Silly, cynical me. Let’s try that again. James’ employees are coming out, totally on their own without any prodding, to support their boss.

"Jesse is like family," one employee tells People. "He's just a righteous guy. If I have a personal problem, he'll sit and talk to me. Not once have I felt uncomfortable with him ... He's just a sweet guy. Hearing all this stuff about him is just sad. I don't believe any of it."

(Maybe this isn’t a good time to bring up the fact... 

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