PREACH IT! Roman Polanski is his own personal Jesus

Ah, Switzerland. The frauleins. The Alps. The -- wait, what’s that self-serving bellowing noise coming from that massive chalet? Can someone look into that and shut it up? It’s making the Saint Bernards go all twitchy.

Oh. It’s Roman Polanski. Should’ve known.

For months, Polanski has been digging in his exquisitely shod heels at his chalet, Milky Way, in Gstaad, deploying lawyers and filing motions in an attempt to whitewash a crime he committed more than three decades ago. The story is as complicated as it is sordid, but essentially, the director had sex with a California minor, plead guilty to unlawful sex with said minor, and did 42 days of psychiatric evaluation. When word came down that Polanski might actually owe the state of California more jail time -- for, you know, having sex with a minor -- Polanski bailed to Europe. There is some evidence that the judge in Polanski’s case may have abused his authority, but instead of hashing that out, Polanski decided the law was just too uncivilized to merit any more of his time.

"I ran away because I think that I was very unfortunate to have a judge who misused justice," Polanski told "60 Minutes" years ago. (And, oh, Polanski isn’t particularly sorry for what he did either. "Everyone wants to [to have sex with] young girls,” Polanski told the British mag Tatler in 1980.)

This weekend, Polanski’s delusional sense of personal injustice reached a new high. How do we know? He talked again.

"I can remain silent no longer because the request for my extradition addressed to the Swiss authorities is founded on a lie,” Polanski intoned in a dramatic passage that read more like ...

Roman Polanski has to show up -- Jake Harris and Lindsay Lohan too

So sorry to lump Jake Harris and Lindsay Lohan in with Roman Polanski, but a theme's a theme, and today the theme is "showing up for the law."

A California appeals court judge on Thursday told Polanski -- remotely, of course -- that yes, he really does have to show up in person to be sentenced for having unlawful sex with a 13-year-old in 1977. The decision affirmed a lower court's ruling, of which there have been many, on various legal points.

This may be the decision that clarifies things for the Swiss government, which has been holding up on ordering Polanski to sashay away from his chalet. Can you say "extradition"?

Meanwhile, back in the real world, a bench warrant was issued for Harris' arrest after he missed a Wednesday morning pre-trial court appearance in Seattle. However, the "Deadliest Catch" kiddo ...

Roman Polanski, California still wants to see you in court

If Roman Polanski wants anyone to consider tossing out the charge that has been pending against him since the late 1970s, he still has to show up in court to present his case.

A California state appellate court said unanimously Monday that a lower court didn't make a mistake a year ago when it ruled that then-fugitive Polanski had to surrender himself to U.S. authorities before he would be able to proceed with his allegations of backroom dealings and other improprieties by the original trial judge, now deceased, and a prosecutor.

The director, now under house arrest at his Swiss chalet, pleaded guilty in 1977 to having unlawful sex with a 13-year-old girl; in return prosecutors dropped other charges.

The grand jury had originally indicted him on six counts: furnishing a controlled substance to a minor, lewd and lascivious act upon child under 14, perversion, sodomy, unlawful sexual intercourse and rape by use of drugs.

Roman Polanski is home -- under house arrest -- in Gstaad

Pass the hot cocoa! It's Swiss chalet day for Roman Polanski, who's now out of jail on $4.5-million bail and hanging at home for a while.

Having friends in high places -- do you hear us, French President Nicolas Sarkozy? -- does seem to have its advantages.

"Roman Polanski was today released from custody pending extradition and transferred to Gstaad, where he is under house arrest at his chalet," the Swiss Justice Ministry said in a statement. "Polanski has undertaken not to leave his house and property at any time."

He'll be holed up with wife Emmanuelle Seigner and their kids.

Polanski's ankle bracelet will alert police if he leaves home, but it's no LoJack system -- i.e., it won't provide GPS coordinates on him should he, ahem, go for a walk. Or a little ski run across the border.

Roman Polanski gets bail -- if it sticks, will he skip again? [POLL]

Bail in the amount of $4.5 million has been approved for director Roman Polanski, who's been held in Zurich, Switzerland, facing extradition  to Los Angeles to be sentenced for unlawful intercourse with a 13-year-old girl more than three decades ago.

But he's not out just yet -- the Swiss government has 10 days to appeal the decision.

Swiss Justice Ministry spokesman Folco Galli told the UK Daily Mail that Polanski is considered a "high flight risk."

Gee, ya think?

Seriously, what do you think? The Ministry's Office of Absolutely Accurate Online Statistics wants to know.

(The poll is a simple one -- share your thoughts in the comments.)

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Roman Polanski at the Cannes Film Festival in 2007. Credit: Valery Hache / AFP/Getty Images