Category: Ride of the Sanctimony Squad

PREACH IT! David Arquette's sister freaks out at the wrong people


So Patricia Arquette walked a red carpet the other night. It did not end well.

The event was in New York; the actress showed up with her brother David. That's the same David who for quite a while now has been talking and tweeting about his separation from wife Courteney Cox. Because of David, we know now the last time he and Cox had sex, why they separated, how often he's had sex since and how he says it's not cheating, and that he's wept bitter tears about the whole hot mess.

So when the Arquette siblings arrived on the red carpet Wednesday, the media, naturally, had more than a few follow-up questions.

Patricia deigned to field a few queries, but her patience did not last.

"How are you doing?" she finally snapped to the reporters. "How is your kid doing? Have you ever had anything happen in your life? What's the worst thing that you've ever had happen to you? Do you ever masturbate? Have you ever had an abortion? I mean, can you imagine these kind of questions? Can you imagine? Can you imagine? It's not all right! It's not all right!"

Yes, Patricia, we can imagine these kinds of questions, because your brother has made sure that we imagine these kinds of questions.

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PREACH IT! Susan Sarandon tells us how we feel

Sarandon-robbins According to Susan Sarandon, the nation is going through a really rough patch right now, and not necessarily because, you know, we have no jobs. We weep, all of us, from Guam to Anchorage, because Sarandon and That Guy From "Shawshank Redemption" have broken up.

Sarandon discussed the breakup in the latest edition of New York magazine. She described it unto us thusly:

"The nation mourned," Sarandon said. "I did feel a sense of responsibility, because I knew that people had a certain idea of how I was and who we were."

For the record, Sarandon adds, “But on your deathbed, it's not really going to matter how those people felt."

As of Wednesday afternoon, Staples Center has not been booked for any sort of memorial; we also were unable to confirm any dates for a public service at Forest Lawn, though we are awaiting return phone calls from several local makers of gold caskets, and we can only assume that Jennifer Hudson will be singing something grand, probably backed by a local AME church choir.

In the meantime, let’s try our best to face our grief with dignity. The onetime couple that was Sarandon and That Guy From "Shawshank" would want it that way.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: One more look, for old times' sake, at Susan Sarandon and That Guy From "Shawshank Redemption." Feel better now? You know you do. Credit: Spencer Weiner / Los Angeles Times

Related dispatch from the Ministry of Gossip:

Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins call it quits after 23 years

Work out more of that lingering despair with a tour of the Preach It! archives.

PREACH IT! Mel Gibson isn’t sorry, never was, end of story

Mel-gibson Four years ago, when Mel Gibson got arrested for drunken driving and delivered the anti-Semitic rant heard 'round the world, he took his time delivering his mea culpas. A day after his arrest, he issued a vague apology, but it was aimed largely at the cops who arrested him. It barely addressed the millions of others he offended by opining that Jews are "responsible for all the wars in the world."

Three days after that, Gibson finally got around to the Jewish community.

"The tenets of what I profess to believe necessitate that I exercise charity and tolerance as a way of life," he intoned. "Every human being is God's child, and if I wish to honor my God I have to honor his children. But please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith."

Cynics (and maybe one or two clear thinkers) blew him off. But many, many more people didn’t. Apologists flocked to comments boards worldwide, proclaiming that it was time to leave the poor guy alone, that some jerks in the media would never be satisfied, that he clearly had suffered enough.

Most importantly, defenders insisted, the apology really so totally proved that Gibson is so, so not a bigot, and all you "haters" -- because anyone who continued to question Gibson couldn’t possibly have reasonable reasons to do so -- could just sit down and shut up.

Cut to 2010. A brand-new, even more bigoted rant from Gibson ...

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