'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' stays, um, classy [Video] [Updated]

The women of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" are back -- and they're proving even more undeserving of their wealth, real estate and fabulous wardrobes.

Every "Housewives" franchise has its deck of narcissistic loons who get drunk, berate one another, then hold a series of social functions to discuss the fallout. But something in the way the Beverly Hills gals do it makes the Ministry smile the most.

In theory, "Beverly Hills" should denote a level of taste and behavior congruent with the status that comes standard with every well-appointed manor. However, no one explained that to these ladies — or, paraphrasing the New York franchise's Alex McCord, to these thugs in dresses.

A trailer for the second season of "Beverly Hills" hit on Wednesday (watch it below) containing mortifying gems like slaps and shoves, language that would make truckers blush and insane displays of foolishness. (Moroccan-themed croquet! Mermaid photo shoots! Another Dinner Party From Hell!)

Cast additions include businesswoman Dana Wilkey and Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife, Brandi Glanville, who gets the adorable welcome of "You're a slut pig" from returning cast member Kim Richards. We hope that was written on the card attached to Brandi's New Neighbor edible arrangement. 

Kim's sister Kyle is back as well, pointing her finger and whipping her hair at Season 1 cohorts Lisa Vanderpump, Camille Grammer, Adrienne Maloof and Taylor Armstrong.

So what can we look forward to? The complete emotional (and, sorry, physical) collapse of Taylor, who is a weeping disaster area throughout the clip presumably because of marriage trouble (and, you know, maybe because all of her friends are self-obsessed rage cases). Also, a controversial new love for frequent flier Kim, possible trouble in Maloof's own marriage and some raunchy, cougar humor from a newly single Camille.

Oh! Note that everyone, at some point, hates Lisa, even though she's perhaps the classiest in the bunch. We can't blame her fellow wives -- who wants an element like that in the neighborhood? 

[Updated, 7:36 p.m. Aug. 16, 2011: The video originally embedded in this post is no longer viewable. After the death of Taylor Armstrong's estranged husband Russell Armstrong on Aug. 15, Bravo no longer has the video on its website.]

 

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Michaele Salahi sings 'Bump It' on purpose, sexy-poses in a white bikini. No, really. 

— Matt Donnelly
twitter.com/MattDonnelly

Photo: The first-season cast of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" was Taylor Armstrong, left, Camille Grammer, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Adrienne Maloof and Kim Richards. Credit: Luis Sinco / Los Angeles Times.

'Real Housewives' star LuAnn de Lesseps cuts a single about being one of the 'Real Housewives' [Music video]

First "Real Housewives of D.C" alum Michaele Salahi performs her club tune "Bump It" on live TV -- and now "Real Housewives of New York's" Countess LuAnn de Lesseps inflicts her "Chic C'Est la Vie" music video on the world. What is up with these women and their recent forays into what we assume is supposed to be music?

Incidentally, we now understand that Auto-Tune was created for a reason, and it's a reason that makes us wish De Lesseps had given it a chance.

Though she told PopEater she invited all her co-"Housewives" along for the ride, the countess is joined in the video only by co-"Housewives" Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimon.

"They said it was not the right image they wanted to portray," De Lesseps said, "and I was like 'Excuse me, not the right image?' Who goes out without their panties, another rubs her husbands naked chest on the show, please."

The Ministry is, oddly, speechless. Share your thoughts?

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Michaele Salahi sings 'Bump It' on purpose, sexy-poses in a white bikini. No, really.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

 

Michaele Salahi sings 'Bump It' on purpose, sexy-poses in a white bikini. No, really.

Michaele Salahi, late of "The Real Housewives of D.C." and infamous for the White House state dinner she swears she and her husband didn't crash, has a club single out that just might make you feel bad for ever trashing Rebecca Black. And then there's the bikini-on-the-beach sexy-picture.

Really.

The 43-year-old Salahi put a cherry on her melted sundae of a life by posing on the beach in a white bikini for what we can only describe as -- OK, we can't describe it. Let's just say, when Kate Gosselin is looking hotter than you are, it's time to grab a caftan. The former Kate Middleton in a white bikini? Good. Actress Kristin Stewart in a white bikini? Not so bad. A woman who was kicked off "Celebrity Rehab" attempting to be sexy in a white bikini? Some things you can't unsee. There are very good reasons why the Ministry shouldn't pose in a white bikini either -- but we do know of what we speak.

(We pause now to cleanse the visual palate with a shot of Kim Kardashian in a white bikini. You're welcome.)

But back to Salahi's performance of "Bump It" on Friday on a local Miami morning news show. (Watch it below, if you dare. If the video doesn't load, try this.) Too bad Team Black took the "Friday" video down from YouTube, or we'd confidently offer a link to that train wreck as a palate cleanser as well.

Salahi was inspired to record her club track, available on iTunes since May, when Oprah Winfrey complimented her voice while the two were supposedly backstage together during President Obama's inauguration, the blond's rep told Radar Online.

"I titled the song 'Bump It' because I love dancing and bumping it on the dance floor!" Salahi told the website May 10. "I got so caught up with the rhythm, that my music just feels like a magical prism."

Incidentally, a multiple sclerosis patient who's treating symptoms of the illness with one of the injectable drugs known affectionately as the "CRABs" -- Copaxone, Rebif, Avonex and Betaseron -- would have at least some bruising on the thighs, abdomen, backside or upper arms.

Glancing at the parts Salahi shows off in the TV performance and bikini photo, it would appear that the woman who tearfully revealed a longtime MS diagnosis in September isn't going that route.

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-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Michaele Salahi -- thankfully not in a white bikini or a minidress -- meets President Obama at the White House in November 2009 while husband Tareq Salahi, right, looks on. Credit: Samantha Appleton / White House

 

 

'Real Housewives' star Teresa Guidice, Bravo, producers sued over bar brawl

"The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and cast member Teresa Guidice may be in a for a large dose of reality -- one of the knock-down brawls that earn them big ratings has landed them in a couple of lawsuits.

According to People magazine, Adolfo Arreola and Jason Gomez have filed two lawsuits in New York state's Supreme Court, targeting "RHONJ's" Guidice and her husband, Bravo, the "Real Housewives" production company and the Hard Rock Hotel.

The incident in question went down Feb. 23 while the cast was on location in the Dominican Republic. Giudice and pals were partying when, according to court documents, she popped a bottle of champagne that sprayed all over a party at a nearby table, sending the situation over the edge.

Arreola claims that his mother-in-law experienced "severe eye irritation" from the bubbly, not to mention the effects of Giudice, who allegedly "laughed at, mocked, humiliated, insulted and physically approached" the woman. Tempers escalated and, documents allege, the men of the "Housewives" party descended on the other table for a beat-down.

"The cast got into a fight with a whole bar," a source told Us Weekly.

"Brute force" is the phrase being used, with Joe Giudice and the men of the Manzo family (matriarch Caroline Manzo's boys Albert, Albie and Christopher) named in the suits, which, according to Us Weekly, in part allege that Bravo intentionally encourages excessive drinking and thus increases the likelihood of violence. 

Bravo and the individuals named in the suits remain mum on the charges for now. Sound like the usual "Housewives" shenanigans? Share in comments.

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-- Matt Donnelly
Twitter.com/MattDonnelly

Photo: Theresa and Joe Giudice attend their daughter's gymnastics match on a recent episode of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey." Credit: Bravo

Kim Zolciak, Kroy Biermann welcome baby boy

Kim Zolciak and fiance Kroy Biermann welcomed a bouncing baby boy on Monday. The little guy is the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" star's first child with Biermann, a defensive end for the Atlanta Falcons.

"@biermann71 and I are happy to announce the birth of our son today Kroy Jagger Biermann is healthy & beautiful We are so in love!” Kim tweeted.

She later added, "Thank you for all ur sweet tweets! Kroy, the girls and I are so in love with baby KJ!"

Zolciak, 32, confessed to Life & Style just weeks ago that she was looking forward to her due date. "This pregnancy has kicked my butt, and now I'm at the stage where I'm uncomfortable."

Despite feeling like she was "getting fatter," she admitted that her beau, 25, still found her "sexy" and "makes me feel beautiful." Awww.

Fans have been following the couple since they met last August at a charity event featured on a "Housewives" episode and announced their engagement in January. Their growing family also includes Kim's two daughters from a previous relationship; Brielle, 13, and Ariana, 9.

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-- Emily Christianson

Photo: Kroy Biermann, left, and Kim Zolciak. Credit: Wilford Harewood / Bravo

'Real Housewives of New Jersey': New season, new fistfight [Video]

Oh, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," how desperately we've missed you.

The women of the Garden State made a roaring return to Bravo on Monday -- complete with Italian christenings, tight dresses, big hair and, naturally, fistfights.

We were nervous, what with the absence of Danielle Staub, the vessel through which all ridiculous paranoia, trash talk and physical altercations had passed. Then we were reminded of our ace in the hole: Teresa Giudice.

In a juicy clip from the opener -- watch it above if you missed out, and if you don't mind a few mild expletives -- Giudice attends the baptism of her brother Joe's baby, an event to which no one can figure out whether she was invited (all the better reason to attend!). We also get to meet brother Joe's wife, Melissa Gorga, the newest addition to the crew.

Shocking shock! Do we have to tell you these two don't get along? Indeed, Joe and Melissa want no part of Teresa at a reception (at some delicious, Roman-column-soaked event hall) following the holy occasion. This of course leads Teresa's husband Joe to whip out his fists.

Enjoy -- and welcome back, ladies.

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-- Matt Donnelly
twitter.com/MattDonnelly

Brandi Glanville: 'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' signs Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife?

 

Hold on to your hats, RHOBH fans: Brandi Glanville is reportedly taking up residence on the second season of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

Glanville, who was married to Eddie Cibrian when the actor met his now wife LeAnn Rimes,  has signed on to the Bravo reality show's roster of Beverly Hills-dwelling females, TMZ said Wednesday. 

The ink is barely dry on Glanville's contract, a production source said, but she's begun to shoot scenes for the show's new season. She'll presumably join first-season ladies Lisa Vanderpump, Kyle Richards, Taylor Armstrong and Adrienne Maloof, and perhaps Camille Grammer and Kim Richards.

Brandi is a former makeup artist who shares two sons with Cibrian. The couple had a tres public breakup in July 2009 after rampant speculation that Cibrian had taken up with Rimes. Throughout Glanville's divorce proceedings, she exchanged plenty of unflattering words with Eddie and LeAnn through media outlets and Twitter.

Recently, however, the three have been behaving civilly, even spending time together with the kids. We can only hope Glanville has saved some of those schoolyard tactics for her fellow "Housewives." 

Rumor is Glanville's story line would revolve around her issues with the just-married Cibrian and Rimes, according to the Daily Mail.

Check out Brandi in action in the video clip above from an appearance in November on "The Talk," where she dishes on her DUI, her struggles with alcohol, and being single. 

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Anderson Cooper picks on Snooki for being Snooki

All the people who are paying Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi to be Snooki have been added to Anderson Cooper's "Ridiculist."

"Snooki is one impossibly lucky, unusually spunky, freakishly tan, beer-guzzling, juicehead-hugging, muscle-loving, Botero body, pint-sized moneymaking machine," Cooper said Tuesday on his CNN show, "Anderson Cooper 360.° (Watch the full rant above.)

News that she and her castmates are reportedly collecting $100,000 per episode for the fourth season of "Jersey Shore" prompted Cooper's tirade. He wasn't a fan of Snooki making $32,000 for her appearance at Rutgers University -- $2,000 more than author Toni Morrison -- or that she got paid $25,000 for club appearances. Guess he didn't realize the guidette was also getting her own spin-off.

He put the club fee less than delicately as the "Show Up and Throw Up Fee."

"$25,000 to show up and hopefully throw up because frankly if you go to a club to see Snooki, that's really all you want to see," he said.

The host played montages of Snooki sensibilities and compared her literature to Morrison's.

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne," he quoted from Snooki's book "A Shore Thing."

But the comments didn't seem to faze the pickle-loving meatball.

"Every1s askin me about Mista Anderstand Cooper. He called me freakishly tan AND I'm lucky? Gotta love this man! ..." she tweeted.

Word on the street is that the silver-haired fox himself hobnobs with the likes of "D-Lister" Kathy Griffin and Atlanta Housewife NeNe Leakes, and is a self-proclaimed reality television fan.

So, does anyone feel kind of bad for the Snooks that she was singled out for his diatribe instead of other absurdly popular reality stars like Kim Kardashian or Heidi Montag? Tell us in comments.

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twitter.com/NardineSaad

Is Michaele Salahi to blame for 'Real Housewives of D.C.' getting canceled?

"The Real Housewives of D.C." has been vetoed by Bravo after only one season on the air.

Bravo gave no official reason for the cancellation, according to our Show Tracker friends.

"We had an amazing season and we told stories that were unique to any other in the franchise," Bravo exec Andy Cohen said. "I wish all our D.C. wives the best and hope to work with them again in another capacity."

But some suspect D.C. housewife and White House party crasher Michaele Salahi is to blame.

"I sort of knew this was going to happen," Salahi, 45, told People. "The other women didn't want me back on the show, and Andy stood his ground and said there wouldn't be a show without me on it. I'm grateful to him for that."

We wouldn't be surprised if Tareq Salahi's wife really is the reason the show won't go on. She stirred up the cast all season, giving Danielle Staub and Camille Grammer a run for their money.

"There was so much negativity with the other women," Salahi said. "If they could blow me up, they would. That's how much they hate me."

She told the magazine that she would have tried to fake it for the camera -- saying "I'm a great actress" -- and insists her reality TV star will continue to shine thanks to a stint on VH1's "Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew" and another offer for a show that she said is still in the works.

Perhaps she'll be joining the ranks of Heidi Montag and Jake Pavelka?

What do you think of the cancellation? Pass or veto? Tell us in comments.

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Top photo: "The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C." cast members Catherine Ommanney, left, Stacie Scott Turner, Mary Schmidt Amons, Lynda Erkiletian and Michaele Salahi. Credit: NBC Universal

Right photo: Michaele and Tareq Salahi attend the White House state dinner in November 2009. Credit: Bill O'Leary / Washington Post

Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka and Danielle Staub together at last?

Heidi Montag and Jake Pavelka were spotted together at Café Med in West Hollywood on Tuesday. But it's not what you think. Danielle Staub was there too.

The oft-loathed reality stars — she of Speidi infamy and he of "The Bachelor" bizarro-land — were spotted alongside Staub (the also-oft-loathed New Jersey housewife) and other reality series alumni, said to make up the cast of a new VH1 show. They're supposed to get a restaurant up and running in 28 days, according to People.

So if you thought each of these reality semi-stars was cringe-inducing on his/her own, try not to imagine what they'll be like altogether. Chills.

"They are revamping a restaurant from the ground up. They started shooting this past weekend," a source told the mag.

File that under: Really?! Gordon Ramsay must be fuming with sweaty bullets of rage right about now.

What do you think of this trio? Will you watch whatever it is they're cooking up?

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Photo: Left, Danielle Staub on Feb. 15, 2011. Credit: Marc Stamas / Getty Images. Center, Jake Pavelka in April 2010. Credit: Matt Sayles / Associated Press. Right, Heidi Montag on Nov. 16, 2009. Credit: Will Ragozzino / Getty Images.