Kate Hudson is expecting! Evangeline Lilly has a bun in the oven! Mariah Carey is pregnant with just the precious-est twins ever!
Preach It! has never managed to summon the proper amount of glee when a star gets knocked up. We get it: We’re the celebrity gossip media; we’re supposed to go squee! and trot out phrases like “baby bumpin’!” and “baby joy!” and run photos of “beautifully pregnant” and “glowing” starlets shopping for tiny clothes at boutiques no one else can afford.
But maybe we’re less than enthused because of what’s happening -- with increasing speed -- after these kids arrive. We speak, of course, of mommy’s weight loss. The media tend to use the cutesy phrase “body after baby” -- the impossible size-2-to-0 figure that starlets are expected to reclaim in less time than it takes for a Gabor to drop a fur coat onto a divan.
Usually, we’re talking a pretty tight weight-loss window: A few months, perhaps. Miranda Kerr, for example, is looking pretty much the way she used to after four months of motherhood.
But that “body after baby” time frame appears to be, well, shrinking. After initially lying about her pregnant state, celebu-stylist Rachel Zoe eventually gave birth to a boy last month. Fast-forward three weeks, and Zoe is padding around Los Angeles looking as scrawny as she was in her heyday. How do we know? Because of the headlines, of course.
“Rachel Zoe Shows Off Her Post-Baby Body,” SocialiteLife simpered.
“Rachel Zoe is skinny again,” is how Hollyscoop put it.
And, per the stiffer upper lips of Britain’s Daily Mail: “Rachel Zoe regains her slender form just three weeks after giving birth.”
At this rate, we’ll be demanding that Hudson drop her weight before she even pops out that baby.
Forgive us if we fail to squee.
Miranda Kerr, Orlando Bloom have a baby son
Rachel Zoe and Rodger Berman welcome baby boy Skylar
Kate Hudson's pregnant; father is Matthew Bellamy of Muse
-- Leslie Gornstein
Photo: Miranda Kerr arrives at a Victoria's Secret event at Club L on March 30 in Los Angeles. Credit: Jerod Harris / Getty Images for Victoria's Secret.