Happy Monday from Mayberry, single ladies ...

A tweet from actress Rose McGowan got us Googling on Sunday night -- could you sleep if you thought there might be a mash-up out there of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" and the theme from "The Andy Griffith Show"?

So, yeah, we're a little late to the party -- Party Ben put out the video at the end of 2008 -- but if this doesn't say "Happy Monday," what does? Rose's tweet was from last Wednesday; we like to think of this as "a retro vibe that just won't stop."

Enjoy. We did.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photos: Rose McGowan, left, arrives at the world premiere of "When in Rome" at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood on Jan. 27. And at right, well gosh, that's Don Knotts as Barney Fife! Credits: Robyn Beck / AFP/Getty Images, left;  handout, right.

It feels good to lighten up, right? For more about Beyonce, click here and scroll down. If you want to get the headlines -- and whatever other weird stuff we post here on the Ministry of Gossip -- just follow us on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs) or become a fan on Facebook.

PARTY OF NO! No Mrs. Michael Jackson; no KStew-Jesse James mistress link; no more music from Miley Cyrus

The Ministry of Gossip is throwing a little "party of no" -- or maybe it's a "party of know" -- as we close out the week. Grab what you want from the fridge, there are snacks out on the patio, and you can grab a seat anywhere.

Now seems like a good time to get a few things straight, no?

There is no secret Mrs. Michael Jackson, the singer's estate reports to the court. This should upset a few folks who've sent a few e-mails. You know who you are. TMZ

Similarly, there is no Christmas-dinner BFF link between "The Runaways" star Kristen Stewart and self-reported Jesse James Mistress No. 3, Brigitte Daguerre. Gossip Cop

Also, no good reason to hang around Jesse James' West Coast Choppers with a camera. CBS News

No sign of Sandra Bullock. Celebrity-Gossip.net

No reason to worry your text messages will be sold to a tabloid. Tiger Text

No divorce brewing for Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. OK! Magazine

No place like (a new) home for Susan Boyle. People

Also, no more music from Miley Cyrus after her June release. She's all about movies now. E! Online

Hopefully that's enough oppositional behavior to get you through the night. Let's toast to a good weekend, shall we? 

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Michael Jackson in 2005. Credit: John G. Mabanglo.

Think the Ministry is really done? The answer would be no!

No, Beyonce isn't pregnant

No, MTV didn't ban "Telephone"

No truth to the rumor that Kristen Stewart can't smile

Want the headlines? Don't say no! Follow us on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs) or become a fan on Facebook. 

Taye Diggs brings the nickname cuteness, baby

Time for some afternoon cuteness, courtesy of People.

Taye Diggs' son with Broadway actress-wife Idina Menzel is named Walker Nathaniel Diggs. But in real life? Dad told Ellen DeGeneres last week that their 6-month-old usually goes by the more exciting aliases Skywalker, Walkman, Walk-a-doo, Walkathon, Little Papa -- and Swirl.

Swirl? Sure, there's the newbie hairstyle but also, the "Private Practice" actor says, it's “because he’s chocolate and vanilla swirl."

Sweet.

I know you all have nicknames for your kids or pets or -- well, let's stick with kids and pets. My dog Lucky thinks his name is Warthog, Stinkpants, Little Man or Coyote Bait. And, hey, Walk-a-doo, be jealous that Stinkpants isn't in bed before "American Idol" comes on, like your dad says you are!

Don't be shy -- share your embarrassing reality with all of us in the comments below. Hey, it beats working.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Taye Diggs in November 2006. Credit: Los Angeles Times.

Click here and scroll down for more Ministry scoop on celebrities' kids. Want the headlines? Follow us on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs); and become a fan on Facebook to see our links in your news feed.

Meet the Trololololo guy -- you'll *never* forget him

Still reeling from YouTube's momentary fail on the original Rickrolling link? It's fixed, we swear, but we're also pleased to report the presence of an understudy waiting in the wings: the Trololololo Guy.

Imagine if Lawrence Welk and the Geico Caveman had a baby. And then the baby lip-synched. '70s style. And then it showed up on Stephen Colbert's show.

Dare you not to watch -- it's the high-speed freeway chase of music videos.

But in case you can't, here's a play-by-play on the performance by singer  Edward Anatolevich Hill, from Nick Douglas over at Urlesque:

Hello! You're most attractive, KStew and Hugh Laurie!

The Ministry loves nonscientific online polls in general, but when we were tipped to this one via tweets from @kstewartnews and @kstewartfans, we got a pleasant surprise with a cherry on top: Seems Hugh Laurie has edged out Robert Pattinson for "most attractive male" in Hello! magazine's annual survey hottie survey. 

Not that we wish anything ill for Mr. Pattinson; not at all. Rather, the idea that Laurie has enough fans out there that he could break through by a slim margin and score one for the, um, "more experienced" team tickles us no end.

Pretty cool, also, that a fresh face like Kristen Stewart's rallied the votes to blow away the competition for "most attractive woman." Britney Spears in second place? Suffice to say she was a distant second. Color us puzzled.

Looks as if Sen.-elect Scott Brown is gonna be fun!

Scott Brown, we wanna party with you! Seriously.

The Republican senator-elect, who on Tuesday won the Massachusetts seat held by Democrats since 1953, appears to have a personality -- one that doesn't err on the side of "prim and proper."

What a relief. 

He already has naked pictures (a Cosmo centerfold from 1982) and a gone-rogue, off-script quote for the ages (see the video above). Wife Gail Huff is a newscaster and onetime actress who appeared in an '80s music video wearing less than a burqa. One of his daughters, Ayla Brown, made it to "American Idol's" top 16 on Season 5 of the show. And he's had a brain-exploding effect on both Glenn Beck and Keith Olbermann, which is hysterical any way you slice it.

Ayla, by the way, admitted to Politico that she was slightly embarrassed during the speech (if you watch her jaw drop in the video, gee, ya think?) but, she said, "that’s what gives people a chance to see my real dad.”

Tiger Woods, delightfully tacky, yet unrefined (Caption this?)

It's Friday. And it's Hollywood. And this picture of a young Tiger Woods with a bunch of Hooters waitresses makes us giggle. 

The original image -- this is a detail of a photograph of the picture snapped by one of the Ministry's many, many, many in-house consultants -- is framed and hanging at the couple-years-old Hooters on Hollywood Boulevard, near Grauman's Chinese.

So if you're ever really tired of oohing and ahhing over the stars on the sidewalk -- heck, check out this view, inside at 6922 Hollywood Blvd.

"It's near the front windows between two tables," says our source, who is remaining anonymous because he's been known to frequent the joint to hoist some grog. "Judging from the hairstyles, it looks like it was shot some time ago and somewhere else."

Don't you ever say we don't bring you hard-hitting original reporting, eh?

Caption suggestions are welcome -- just keep it clean.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo credit: Super Secret MOG Source / Los Angeles Times

Click on for related Tiger Woods dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip (and yeah, we know, we're not caught up, but in a nutshell, 'more women, fewer endorsements' brings the story up to date):

The Ministry presents: Underappreciated articles of 2009

It's hard to tell which stories will catch the public's eye -- or its heart, or mind, or burning-with-rage-and-ready-to-spew-venom gut -- and in the course of doing business, a few of our favorite posts seem to have gotten lost along the way.

These have earned a soft spot with us for many reasons: We had them exclusively, they were funny, there was an interesting story behind them, or they were simply articles we thought you, dear readers, would appreciate.

Alas, as if they were tiny baby kittens trapped in a storm drain, mewling too quietly to be heard, the Web world passed them by.

So here, in no particular order, are 10 posts (OK, technically, 11) that we at the Ministry consider some rather underappreciated items from 2009: 

Secret to Bradley Cooper's 'Hangover' success? That hair: With "The Hangover," Bradley Cooper cut his leading man teeth. He'll be chomping through 2010 with his buzzed-about update to "The A-Team." "Hangover" director Todd Phillips told us he was the one who thrust Cooper into top billing with one simple command: Grow out that hair. Take note, because I suspect those long locks will be waving atop the A-list in the coming months. -- Matt Donnelly

Chelsea Handler, Jay Leno and Playboy, a magazine with naked people in it: This post is silly. The concept of the post is silly. I felt silly writing it. If you don't get it, you don't get where I'm coming from. Face it, this ain't rocket science. -- Christie D'Zurilla

'Hangover' Heather Graham: I want to be a pregnant stripper! Another tidbit from "The Hangover" ...

Rosie O'Donnell, her new girlfriend -- and all those kids!

Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter are over -- turns out they have been for a while now. Now Rosie has a new girlfriend, Texas artist Tracy Kachtick-Anders, with whom she's been enjoying Miami Beach this week.

Looks as if they're having a nice time, yes? Apparently they met online.

But then we did some light reading -- wow, Tracy has six kids. Rosie, as we know, has four in her family.

It's quiet here today, and the temptation is irresistible: That sucking sound you hear is our reality TV "creative brainstorming" helmet being donned.

Now, the Ministry gets a bit fuzzy on mathematics when rivers of bubbly await, but yes, six plus four equals 10. And 10 is more than eight, albeit less than 14.

~~ The smell of "reality" is getting really thick around here. This stupid helmet is coming off now -- it's freaking me out. Should've had the Champagne *first.* ~~

So is it time for Nadya Suleman and Kate Gosselin to fear for their television futures?

Meh, we're thinking they have absolutely nothing to worry about ...

The PREACH IT! 2009 year-end celebrity gossip quiz!

How well do you know your 2009? How well do you know your gossip? How well would you do in one giant year-end quiz that combines all the great taste of 2009 with the heady texture of celebrity gossip?

We have just such a quiz! We’re entertainment reporters. It’s our job to write quizzes for you.

Take your best shot at these 10 questions -- and Happy New Year from the divine folk at Ministry of Gossip. A link to the answers is at the end.

 1. Who was in jail in 2009?

(a) Lil' Kim

(b) Lil Wayne

(c) Lily Allen

(d) T.I.

2. It was a big year for shaking down celebrities. Who did not reportedly get threatened with extortion in 2009?

(a) Cindy Crawford

(b) David Letterman

(c) John Stamos

(d) 50 Cent

3. What was the name of the failed TV show self-produced by Richard “Balloon Dad” Heene?

(a) "Fun With Helium"

(b) "Box Time Playhouse"

(c) "Making Crawl Spaces Fun"

(d) "Fairy Tales for Grownups"