Kim Kardashian threatens to sue over infidelity story; Edie Falco asks, Kim who?

Kim Kardashian doesn't like it when you mess with her, or her man. The reality TV starlet has denied allegations made by In Touch magazine that she cheated on her now-fiance Kris Humphries with the New England Patriots' Bret Lockett, and she plans to sue the mag for defamation and the NFL player for shooting off his mouth.

This coming on the heels of rumors that she might be pregnant, rumors that she adamantly shut down.

In Touch's current cover story alleges that Kardashian was involved with Lockett for five months while she was courted by Humphries, who popped the question to Lady K after six months of dating.

The tabloid cited text messages exchanged between Kardashian and Lockett and quoted the NFL player as saying Kardashian was the one who "pursued" him.

"I knew this was a game to her, and this is what she does," Lockett is quoted as saying. The magazine adds that their flirtatious messaging started when Kardashian's friend Lauren London told Lockett's brother Colin that Kim wanted Bret's phone number.

"This is absolutely not true," Kardashian told E! News. "I have no idea who this person is."

"For the record, none of the facts ... are accurate," Kardashian lawyer Dennis A. Roach wrote in a demand letter to the magazine's counsel. He asserted that the facts cited by the mag were fabricated and were "at a minimum, damaging, defamatory and an invasion of her privacy."

Roach added that the weekly should "immediately refrain from publishing, distributing or disseminating any factually untrue and unsubstantiated information." If not, Roach said, he "will be forced to take appropriate legal action to protect my client's rights."

As for the blushing bride-to-be, she doesn't seem to appreciate the distraction from her wedding blitz.

"Remember, people only rain on your parade because they're jealous of your sun & tired of their shade," she tweeted Wednesday.

In other Kim K news, the reality star needn't worry about inviting Edie Falco to the wedding. The "Nurse Jackie" star apparently has no idea who Kardashian is.

"Like, forgive me, I don't know if you're friends with her -- but who the hell is Kim Kardashian?" Falco asked New York magazine's Vulture blog.

"Like, who are these people and why are they famous and why are they advertising things and being asked their opinions about things? I just don't understand what these people did to be in a position of having everyone ask their opinions about stuff," Falco said. "I mean, if there's something about her personality or something that she's accomplished or her philosophy on something -- but beyond that I don't understand what's happening. It's actually frightening."

Oh, Edie. If you only knew -- we ask ourselves the same questions every day.

RELATED:

Khloe Kardashian 'loves' her six-minute, televised nip-slip

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries: Will they sign a pre-nup?

Kim Kardashian (or should we say Humphries) addresses pregnancy rumors but not name change

-- Nardine Saad
twitter.com/NardineSaad

Photos, from top: Kris Humphries and fiancee Kim Kardashian; the latest In Touch magazine cover. Credits: Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images; In Touch

Russell Brand deported from Japan, wife Katy Perry tweets

Actor Russell Brand was deported from Japan on Sunday thanks to offenses from more than a decade ago, according to wife Katy Perry.

The "Arthur" star visited the tsunami-ravaged country to see Perry on her "California Dreams" tour, which has stops in Nagoya, Tokyo and Osa, but Brand was ousted soon after his arrival.

"So...my husband just got deported from Japan. I am so. sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place," Perry tweeted. "It was for priors from over 10 years ago! ...But of COURSE I [love] my Japanese fans & the show #MUSTGOON no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings!"

Welcome, to the drug-related deported celebrities club, Russell. Paris Hilton feels your pain.

Brand, an admitted sex and drug addict, cleaned up his act before marrying Perry last October, but has a history of priors in England. He was also arrested in 2010 on suspicion of attacking a paparazzo at the Los Angeles International Airport. Yet Brand seemed to take his most recent predicament in stride.

"Planning escape from Japanese custody. It's bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick," he offered.

Brand's previous infractions include 11 separate occasions in connection with drug offenses and public indecency, according to RadarOnline. He's openly acknowledged the arrests before, but Tokyo immigration officials did not comment on the incident because of privacy issues, reports said.

"Stockholm syndrome kicking in. Just asked my guard out for (vegetarian) sushi. He giggled," Brand added. "Alcatraz! Shawshank Redemption! And now this! Ah, sweet blue bird of freedom!" he tweeted once the incident was over.

RELATED:

Russell Brand bounces back after arrest at LAX

Japan just says no to Paris Hilton and her drug conviction

'Arthur' movie premiere: Russell Brand, Helen Mirren get dodgy in New York

-- Nardine Saad
twitter.com / NardineSaad

Photo: Russell Brand at "Bedtime Stories" premiere in 2008. Credit: Jewel Samad / AFP  / Getty Images

In the Katy Perry 'Sesame Street' scandal, is Elmo the real villain? [poll]

Does the video Katy Perry did for "Sesame Street" perhaps offer clues to her fiance Russell Brand's recent arrest on suspicion of battery on a photographer at LAX? Possibly. Brand is alleged to have snapped on his way to security after a paparazzo tried to point a camera up the bride-to-be's skirt -- something Elmo comes dangerously close to doing in the video. You know, if he had a camera.

Witness the evidence of inappropriate activity around Katy's hemline, in several shots taken from the video that producers on Thursday yanked from the "Sesame Street" premiere:

Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi: We'd break up with them too [poll]

The Fourth of July falls on Sunday, sure, but thanks to Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi, we can all expect the fireworks to continue through Monday, when their joint interview with "The Bachelor" host Chris Harrison airs.

Frankly, if this chat really represents what these pretty people are like in a relationship, we'd break up with them too.

"You are the biggest fake liar I've ever met in my entire life," Vienna tells ex-love-of-her-life Jake during the post-game sit-down, which is embedded after the break.

Jake's smug little "Why are you raising your voice," the comment that sparked his ex-one-and-only's reaction, doesn't exactly fall in the "sexy" category either.

Now, this is that interview -- the one that had the Web hopping with rumors that Jake ...

PREACH IT! Debbie Gibson with snakes vs. Tiffany with gators. Who wins? [poll]

From the people who brought you "Rock Monster," "Raptor Island" and "Attack of the Sabretooth" now comes the most awesomest confrontation since, maybe, ever. Two acid-washed '80s pop icons have been cast as enemies in an upcoming Syfy original flick. The name?

"Mega Python vs. Gatoroid."

I know, right? And that’s so not even the best part!

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Debbie Gibson -- she goes by "Deborah" these days, but that's no fun -- is an animal-rights activist who likes snakes, see, so she releases a whole bunch of rare ones into a swamp, where they grow mean and huge. Tiffany, meanwhile, plays a park ranger who falls firmly on the side of gators and employs “dangerous methods” to save her chosen species.

And then Debbie is all, oh no you did not just bring that gator over here, and Tiffany is all, oh I so did! Snakes! Attack! And then a huge bunch of snakes wearing rubber bracelets and legwarmers come pouring out of the water and ...

Or, at least, that’s how we hope things will go. We’re also secretly praying for at least one centaur with a mace and a day-glo miniskirt.

Or maybe that’s a whole new movie.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: OK, this picture pair really isn't really fair, but we assume the SyFy movie smackdown will be -- Tiffany, left, is shown in 2007 before losing 30 pounds on "Celebrity Fit Club"; Deborah "Debbie" Gibson, right, is shown all dressed up for the Race to Erase MS Gala in L.A. on May 7, 2010. Credits:
Chris Polk / FilmMagic / VH1, left; Nina Prommer / EPA, right.

Enrique Iglesias to spend time with 'Jersey Shore' cast?

Uh oh. Could Enrique Iglesias' wrists be in need of arthritis medication in the near future? Looks like the singer is joining the fist-pumping ranks MTV's "Jersey Shore" cast. Kind of.

MTV and Universal Republic Records are teaming up for the "Jersey Shore" soundtrack, which is scheduled to be released on July 20.  The first single off the album is the Iglesias track “I Like It,” featuring Pitbull.  Other featured artists are Lil Jon, LMFAO, Taio Cruz and Akon.

For those who have an gorilla-sized appetite for all things "Jersey Shore"  (we know you're out there), there's a deluxe edition, featuring a bonus CD with music inspired by Season 1 -- including the show’s theme song, “Get Crazy” by LMFAO. 

DJ Pauly D and his bronzed counterparts will reportedly make an appearance in Iglesias' music video for "I Like It." Here's hoping Snooki finally found herself a man. 

--Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Enrique Iglesias arrives at the 2005 launch party for Tommy Hilfiger True Star Men inspired by Enrique Iglesias in New York City. Credit: Bryan Bedder / Getty Images

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PREACH IT! Venus Williams: Full-court ugly

By now, you’ve probably seen Venus Williams’ butt -- or, at least, what the media, for the sake of click-throughs, would like to pass off as her butt.

During a recent match at the French Open, much news was made off Williams’ skirt ensemble, which included, among other elements, (1) the bustier that Cher donated to Out of the Closet at the end of her Bagel Boy phase, (2) a 17th century child’s mantilla re-purposed as a skirt and (3) this sort of nude-brief-underwear thing that peeked out every so often, you know, during moments of competitive vigor.

The brief-underwear thing was the same color as Williams’ skin, and it hugged her behind. The media decided this was close enough to actually be Williams’ butt, and they posted the photo everywhere. Nearly 2,000 times, to be precise. Pseudo-controversy ensued.

But in harrumphing over Williams’ derriere -- which, for the record, is a pretty legendary rear end -- the media missed the point. Figure skaters wear that nude brief material all the time, sometimes all over. Britney Spears has worn it -- several times -- with little spanglies all over it; nobody cares.

Here’s what should concern you: that Williams wore the bustier that Cher donated to Out of the Closet paired with a 17th century child’s mantilla. If we’re going to be offended, let’s focus on what’s offensive, people.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photos: Venus Williams shows her stuff at the French Open in Paris. Credits: Left, Clive Brunskill / Getty Images; right, Regis Duvignau / Reuters

Want more Preach It!? Check out the Preach It! archives.

Want the headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter (we're @LATcelebs), or like us into your news feed on Facebook at facebook.com/ministryofgossip.

PARTY OF NO! No 'Glee' affair; no welcome at Heidi Montag's; no pureed peas for Jennifer Aniston

With Matt Lauer's big no sirree kicking off the Ministry's Friday, it feels like time for another Party of No, in which we round up bits of gossip about which the answer is, essentially, "no."

Grab a drink, pull up a chair and get ready to party -- it's after noon, so whether it's coffee or a cocktail is completely up to you. 

Kicking things off: "Glee" star Matthew Morrison says no, he's not knocking boots with costar Lea Michele, and has no problem with Britney Spears. Parade, Zap2It

Heidi Montag tells her mom no way she's coming in her daughter's house uninvited -- and then has no problem calling the cops. Of course, there's no way that was staged for "The Hills." And mom Darlene Egelhoff had no problem hanging out with her other daughter, Holly. Monsters & Critics, RadarOnline, TMZ

No stopping Russell Crowe from cussing and walking out of a BBC radio interview after he was accused of giving his Robin Hood a bit of an Irish accent. NJ.com

Lindsay Lohan is having no luck getting where she wants to go, hearing instead things along the lines of "no way we can fit you and your 30 uninvited friends in our VIP area" and "nobody wants to pay to fly you to Cannes." Though regarding Cannes, apparently someone couldn't say no. New York Daily News, New York Post, TMZ

Ashton Kutcher says CNN's Rick Sanchez has no business criticizing Miley Cyrus. Gossip Cop

No more show for Wanda Sykes. Movieline

No baby food diet for Jennifer Aniston. Access Hollywood

No "trouble in paradise" for Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. Gossip Cop

No down time for Gabriel Aubry after Halle Berry? Celebitchy

And Jon Cryer says Charlie Sheen is no solo holdout among the "Two and a Half Men" cast -- there's no contract yet for Angus T. Jones either. According to a recent list of the richest child actors, that means Angus may be saying no to at least $250,000 an episode. KTLA, New York Post

We have no more right now!

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photos, clockwise from top left: Matthew Morrison, Wanda Sykes, Angus T. Jones and Jennifer Aniston. Credits, clockwise from top left: Justin Lane / EPA; Dan Steinberg / Associated Press; Vincent Bucci; Carlos Alvarez / Getty Images.

Missed the last one? No problem:

PARTY OF NO! No Mrs. Michael Jackson; no KStew-Jesse James mistress link; no more music from Miley Cyrus

Lunchtime snack: The adorable Emma Stone in 'Easy A'

Our cynical little hearts be still -- just in time for the weekend, we have the perfect lunchtime confection that literally made our day.

Emma Stone has been a heat-seeking Judd Apatow sweetheart, second string to Anna Faris and a zombie fighter with Woody Harrelson. Now, thankfully, she's got her own starring vehicle with "Easy A."

With Stone playing a high school version of Hester Prynne, the flick is an update of Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter." In the viral clip above, we're introduced to Stone's character, Olive Penderghast.

See her charm in the clip above, with some help from Natasha Bedingfield, (take me awaaaay), and look for "Easy A" in theaters Sept. 17. 

-- Matt Donnelly 

Jesse James' maybe-mistress No. 4 develops a case of the dainties

We wish we could've been in Gloria Allred's office earlier, if only to discover whether she spits, swears, throws things or simply meditates calmly when a client opts out of the spotlight.

The woman who we know only as Self-Reported Jesse James Mistress No. 4 -- a.k.a. the one who hired Allred -- has decided not to go public with her story, the attorney told Radar Online. 

The part that had interested us about this lovely lady was that she said, through Allred, that the alleged relationship had ended just after the scandal broke. Which was icky enough that we wanted to know more. Kinda. But not really.

So, with apologies to the Bud Light folks, the Ministry of Gossip salutes you, Ms. Suddenly Shy Self-Reported Jesse James Mistress No. 4!

While the dirty laundry of Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Melissa Smith and Brigitte Daguerre is aired to an icked-out public, perhaps you had the sense to think, "I pale in comparison to Sandra Bullock, and people might notice!"

When tabloid bucks beckoned, even as you dangled the promise of electronic proof as bait ...