Jon Gosselin's apartment is burglarized -- and we feel kinda bad for him

Jon Gosselin returned home to his Manhattan apartment Saturday afternoon after spending Christmas in Pennsylvania with his eight kids only to discover the place had been ransacked, People reports. 

~~ Shoot, the Ministry returned home Saturday to a serious mess, and we *thought* the place had been ransacked, until we realized we had been just *that* much of a tornado wrapping gifts before leaving for Christmas Eve at the folks' place. Embarrassing. ~~ 

Seriously, though -- normally we have little or no sympathy for Jon minus Kate plus eight, but in this case, we do. His furniture, clothing and bedding had been slashed with a knife. Electronics and more had been stolen, and stuff was broken -- stuff that included a Ming vase, which, sorry, we totally didn't expect Jon Gosselin to own.

Not cool, no matter who you are or what you've done -- even if what you've done is reality TV.

Someone involved apparently thought it would be cute to leave a behind note signed "Hailey Glassman," TMZ reports. Oh yeah, the note was reportedly spiked onto Jon's bedroom dresser with a butcher knife.

Stay classy, creepy unoriginal burglary people ... 

Divorce in bulk: Jon and Kate Gosselin, Tiger's wife Elin, Beyonce's mom

It's official: Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce is final. Can we hope they'll divorce themselves from the public eye any time soon?

Elin Nordegren has reportedly hired high-powered Hollywood divorce attorney Sorrell Trope -- check out that guy's list of clients over at the Fabulous Forum, along with other Tiger Woods updates.

And Beyonce's mom, Tina Knowles, has filed for divorce after about three decades of marriage. A paternity suit was filed earlier this year against husband Matthew Knowles.

Draw your own conclusions.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Take a tour around the Ministry: For starters we have Adam Lambert's interview with Chelsea Handler, reggae singer Buju Banton's troubles with the law, reports from the 'Avatar' blue carpet and premiere party, and a click-tastic plea that certain fabulously awful celebrity fashion trends should stay with us forever. 

Want the headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Facebook and Twitter(we're @LATcelebs on Twitter). Find us easily on Facebook at facebook.com/ministryofgossip.

Divorced for Christmas -- what more could Jon and Kate Gosselin ask for?

Looks like we won't have "Jon & Kate" to kick around as a couple for much longer.

A judge is likely to sign off on Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce today or Friday, E! Online reports, after an arbitrator came to a decision about how the couple's assets should be split.

On Wednesday, RadarOnline delivered the news that Kate was "thrilled" with the terms of the arbitration, which will be binding.

Wonder how the terms of the split might affect Jon's job search, if at all.

A decision hadn't been expected until Dec. 21.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: No! That's not the soon-to-be-happy ex-couple! Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa dressed up for Halloween 2009 as Jon and Kate Gosselin, but if they want to revisit the costumes next year, they'll probably have to do the show from separate studios. Credit: David M. Russell / Disney-ABC Domestic Television.

Click here if you have the urge to wallow in the deep recesses of Jon Gosselin's life.

Want the headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Facebook and Twitter (we're @LATcelebs on Twitter). Find us easily on Facebook at facebook.com/ministryofgossip.

PREACH IT! Brother, can you spare a gig? For Jon Gosselin? No?

Nobody wants to hire Jon Gosselin. Wait, I take that back. Thousands of businesses apparently will not hire him, and hundreds of thousands of individual people would rather he not work for them either.

Earlier today I thought I’d maybe get into the spirit of advocacy and help out the less fortunate. I saw a saddening report that Jon Gosselin, late of the reality sensation “John & Kate Plus 8,” has received a heartbreaking setback in the personal finance department. A judge last week smacked down the young man’s ability to make unauthorized, paid appearances, ruling that such engagements were in violation of Gosselin’s contract with "Jon & Kate" network TLC.

Gosselin was not in the courtroom for the ruling; one assumes he was out pounding the streets seeking gainful employment. Last month, Gosselin argued that he simply couldn’t go out and get a regular job because he was just, tragically, too famous.

Enter the healing power of the media. I would use my reach as a journalist to speak to thousands of people on Gosselin's behalf.

I did. All day. I even used a media query blasting service -- two, actually, Profnet and Help a Reporter Out, also known in jargon as HARO.

Barbara Walters' '10 Most Fascinating People of 2009': observations, and a poll [Updated]

Hey, sports fans -- normally I write as "the Ministry," but this time I'm just me. Watched the Barbara Walters special Wednesday night, as I'm sure many of you did, and here are my thoughts on her chosen public figures, many of whom show up on this blog quite often.

Well, OK, Glenn Beck doesn't show up at the Ministry so much, but work with me, all right? If he gets naked next year, or reveals he had an affair with Tiger Woods, or posts another rambling, post-surgical YouTube video, he'll fit right in.

And yeah, I know Barbara and crew can edit and script and all that for dramatic effect, but let's do a willing suspension of disbelief, shall we?

Here's my takeaway, based on Walters' brief interviews.

Lady Gaga: Barbara sees her in a whole new light, and so do I. Maybe I just didn't "get her" before this? I still can't quite hum one of her tunes, but she seems thoughtful and sincere. Is she bisexual? Makes for a nice tease on the tee-vee, but really, who cares? I hope Gaga doesn't fixate on that as she moves ahead, and that others can find something more interesting to ask about.

Tyler Perry: The juxtaposition of this spotlight sit-down with the fact of his mother's death on Tuesday is heartbreaking. His proudest moment? He says it was being able to take good care of his mother. Forget about Barbara making Tyler cry -- he made me cry.

We could end it right here, but there are eight more interviews ...

Turkey day with the stars: Come and get it!

While your families are loving and overfeeding you, indulge for a moment in what bold-face names the world over will be up to today as they tuck into their own Thanksgiving dinners.

From January Jones' organic feast to Jon Gosselin's turkey plus one, the Ministry has compiled whereabouts for the your favorite names. Gobble gobble!

• Hilary Duff will dine in Los Angeles with her family, mom Susan and sister Haylie. The popster was spotted this week stocking up on haute cuisine at the swanky Beverly Hills food mart Bristol Farms. 
• "Star Trek" actress Zoe Saldana helped feed the homeless at the Los Angeles Mission's annual Thanksgiving lunch Wednesday.
• Though Beyoncé will probably board a yacht bound for Prague or St. Tropez with Jay-Z this turkey day, she'll technically be in our living rooms with an hourlong ABC special. The 9 p.m. show will feature an interview and concert footage.
• Lacoste spokesman and "Star Wars" prequel star Hayden Christensen will take his fiancee, Rachel Bilson, to Toronto to spend time with his clan.

Read on for more stars' whereabouts!

Jon Gosselin celebrates being able to leave his kids in the country

Monday night was the series finale of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" -- and Jon Gosselin did not disappoint.

Check out his "Best of Both Worlds" video clip from the show via TLC, if you can stomach it. (You have to scroll down and select it -- maybe get some Ed Hardy hand sanitizer first.) Or check out the first link above for the scoop and more. (Leave it to a New Jersey parenting blogger to give Jon what-for!)

Jon has "a place to go." Well, bully for him. And when he's fed up with the media crush, he just goes back to his "country place" where he can "chill."

Is that the country place where the children live?

The Ministry admits to starting out as a Kate-hater. 

But everyone makes mistakes.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Why so serious, Jon Gosselin? Media crush got ya down as you left court Oct. 26 in Pennsylvania? You look like a guy who needs to spend some time in New York! Or wherever the heck you want to be. Credit: William Thomas Cain / Getty Images.

Related Jon Gosselin dispatches handled gingerly by the Ministry of Gossip:

'Jon and Kate' do 'Regis and Kelly' show together for Halloween

Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman split -- is it 'a break,' or 'a breakup'?

Girlfriend shocked! Jon Gosselin might have issues?

Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Facebook and Twitter (we're @LATcelebs).

'Jon and Kate' do 'Regis and Kelly' show together for Halloween

Some people go sexy for Halloween. Some go silly. On "Live With Regis and Kelly," they went just plain scary: Regis Philbin showed up Friday as Jon Gosselin, and Kelly Ripa joined the party in a Kate Gosselin reverse mullet.

More scary fun came from a production of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" dance -- here's a behind-the-scenes peek at costume, makeup and rehearsals, and the video is below. 

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: For their show's Halloween celebration, Regis Philbin, left, showed up for work as Jon Gosselin and Kelly Ripa took one for the team as Kate Gosselin. Credit: David M. Russell / Associated Press / Disney-ABC Domestic Television

Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman split! Is it 'a break' -- or 'a breakup'?

Jon Gosselin has requested a break from girlfriend Hailey Glassman, "Extra" reports. 

Yes, it was Jon's idea to split. Go figure.

The 32-year-old father of eight (and apparent chick magnet) who filed for divorce from wife Kate Gosselin in June sought advice on his rather complicated situation earlier this week from a panel at a "This World on the Values Network" event.

Panelist Rabbi Shmuley Boteach had this advice for Jon: "We have to raise good kids. As I always say, 'Are you really a success in life if the people who mean most to you think the least of you?' "

Looks as if Jon may have taken those words to heart, at least in the near term.

But moving forward, the Concerned Staff at the Ministry of Gossip has additional advice for Mr. Gosselin: CLICK HERE.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Jon Gosselin outside a Pennsylvania courthouse on Oct. 13, 2009. Credit: Matt Rourke / Associated Press.

Girlfriend shocked! Jon Gosselin might have issues?

 

Jon Gosselin takes out his anger on girlfriend Hailey Glassman and, she says, sometimes "has trouble with the truth," People magazine reports. And 22-year-old Hailey says she never saw it coming.

Shoot. If only she could've done some sort of background check before they got serious.

Glassman, in an interview with "The Insider," reportedly uses the faux-tabulous term "mantrums" to describe Jon's behavior. Mantrums.

Holy cows we're having a hard time clearing that word from our short-term memory.

Hailey's two-part interview is set to air beginning Thursday.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

P.S.: Something for Jon to meditate on: Wherever you go, there you are.

Photo: Jon Gosselin -- with a few new acquaintances? -- in an August appearance at the Wet Republic pool at the MGM Grand Hotel/Casino in Las Vegas. Credit: Ethan Miller / Getty Images for Wet Republic.

More on the Gosselin saga from the Ministry of Gossip: 

Kate Gosselin: cartoon character without a husband